Ok - Here it Is . . .
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| Fri, 09-23-2005 - 2:35pm |
My first attempt at an OLD profile. I took all the suggestions I was given and incoporated them into it. I tried to make it interesting instead of sounding like a grocery list. I couldn't figure out how to highlight, so the things that I thought were questionable I put in ( ). I don't like bragging about myself, so I can just as easily delete all that stuff about myself, although it is all true. As for a concert buddy, I threw that in there because that is truly what I am looking for. I can't tell you how many shows I passed on because I didn't have anyone to go with me. But, it you think it's too specific, then I can delete it.
Please be honest. Add, delete, suggest anything that you think would make the profile better. For my first attempt, I don't think it's too bad, but like I said up above, there were some things I was iffy on.
Thanks for your help.
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Having grown up with all sisters, my dad taught me the fine art of fishing and watching sports. Basketball is my favorite sport, and I’m a huge Bulls fan. I am a woman of contrasts – I enjoy the great outdoors for camping and hiking, and the great indoors for reading, cooking, and movies. I like a variety of movies, such as scary movies, dramas, westerns, and any movies with Clint Eastwood. Ever since I got my first transistor radio at the age of 8, I have loved music – rock music in general, and 80’s hairband rock in particular. I enjoy going to concerts and clubs to listen to live bands or dance.
I’m a bit shy and serious at first, but I really am a lot of fun once you get to know me. I enjoy great conversation, and I’m a good listener. I’m a very spiritual person, but not in a prudish way. I’m easy-going, flexible and like trying new things. (I consider myself trustworthy, loyal, generous, kind and considerate.) I’m hoping to meet someone who likes to go out and have fun; likes the outdoors; loves music; (can be my concert buddy); and has a sense of humor and adventure.

I like it - good job. It is positive and appealing and interesting to read - makes you unique and you sound like a good catch!!
The only comment/change I would have is to work on the first 2 sentences. The start is a bit abrupt.
You have:
"Having grown up with all sisters, my dad taught me the fine art of fishing and watching sports. Basketball is my favorite sport, and I’m a huge Bulls fan."
Maybe:
"Hello there! You will find me to be a sporty girl - basketball is my favorite sport and I am a huge Bulls fan. Dad taught me and my sisters the fine art of fishing and watching sports...."
That is just a suggestion - take it or leave it - and maybe the others here can do ever better. Or they will catch something I didn't see.
The real test is what this bait does for you on the fishing line!! Make sure you are catching the right ones - we can see and retweak after a few weeks.
GOOD luck and keep us posted - and don't be afraid to run the details of prospect's profiles by us - I love to pick them apart!! My friends have a ball when they send them to me.
CHEERS!!
I like it, and Judy's suggestions too.
Donna,
I would change the phrase "I am hoping to meet..." to "I am looking for..."
When I hear the word "hoping" I see a small child in the corner of the playground with her toe in the sand waiting for someone to notice her.
Also, change the phrase "can be my concert buddy", since to me that's too specific and you don't want someone who's 45 and still a child, right? Add it to the sentence "loves music" to be, "loves LIVE music", since you already said you like concerts and stuff.
Other than that, I agree with Judy about the first paragraph- you don't want to scare the guy off with the announcement of a million sisters.
Alison
I agree with Judy and Allison. I like it over all, and with a little tweaking, I think it would be great.
Let us know how it works!
Kelly