Ok, here we go, first no-no.......

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Ok, here we go, first no-no.......
7
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 8:47am

I am so German sometimes it makes me sick. Or maybe I'm just plain too manner oriented. HOWEVER. It is what it is. It's plain and simple. You say your going to do something, do it. Had that straight up with M the other night. He wanted to know what riles me. So I straight out told him in black and white. Nothing for him to decipher. Okkk so yesterday he writes me and tells me he'll call to talk to me later tonight. AT almost ten o'clock, I get a text message that states: Hey! Hope you and the girls had a wonderful evening. Good night, sleep tight. I'll talk to you soon.

GRRRRR! Pick up the darn phone and tell me your tired, but don't send me a text after you said you'd call. It's like being blown off. Sooo, I replied: If everything was ok and he said Yes, everythings wonderful and are you ok?

I wrote back this: Next time, don't do that. It's call bad manners. If you don't have the time or don't want to talk, tell me. Don't wait until night time to send a text. Texting is poor manners. Later.

LOL, he didn't text back and this morning he didn't either. He waited until 8:30 to call me and hope my day is good, but he didn't mention a word about what I wrote. LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 5:13pm

I am not fond of texting in a relatoinship, either. I use it for work, to send quick, funny one liners to my friends, and only on occassion with funnyguy. If he had been a texter from the beginning, things probably wouldn't have gotten this far.

For me, I firmly believe it takes so much longer to text than to talk. If I had something to say but no time to talk, I'd send an email. I wouldn't text when I said I'd call.

I think you steered him in the direction you want him to go in, and that's fine. If he doesn't continue to go in the direction, you know he's not for you. If he takes offense at being directed, even gently, he isn't for you.

People treat us the way we teach them to, and you've taught him that you expect him to call when he says he will. There's nothing wrong with that!

Moody, a techno-phobe


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Registered: 01-25-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 6:53pm

Hey there, I agree with Moody saying you teach people how to treat you, and I first heard that not to long ago, and I love the saying.. I also don't like the texting right away when it should be phone call time. Men are just so techno these days they have to play with the gadget I think.. but old fashioned phone calls are what I perfer...

I think your great that you told him right off not to do it, I love that..

Florence

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 8:05pm

That is good he called in the morning.

I might be okay with a text every so often - but would not like to wait for a call only to get one so late in the evening - although maybe that is why he sent it because he was afraid of ringing so late? Hmmm. Here we go with the OTA!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 11:31pm

Perhaps he was worried about calling so late?! Dont know, but there have been times I have been wanting to talk to someone and unsure of the hour so I just send a quick text "r u awake? can I call?". Easy enough in my opinion.

I like what moody said about teaching them how to treat you, thats awesome.

--tj

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 1:39pm

I might get thrown off the board for saying this, but I am a texter. There I have said it. I admit that I have a problem. LOL

My take is that if he is use to texting -- not just you but anyone-- it is a comfortable way for him to say goodnight without waking you up if you had already gone to bed. My friends and I do this all the time.

That said -- because I text and my friends and I understand that, I would have been offended by your text back to me if I was him. I believe you have a totally valid gripe with him not calling you, but I would have told him that the next day -- not when my feelings were hurt that night. Now I am coming at this from a different perspective so it is nothing personal against you, but I would not have been offended if he texted me. I would have told him the next day, "If you say you are going to call, please call me don't text."

Again, I admit to being a texter so my ground rules would be a little different, and in trying to follow my therapists advice on not jumping off the handle all the time, I would have to wait until the next day to discuss it. My therapist would be so proud of me for saying this. lol. She has been waiting years for me to get it.

This only how I would have handled it, but I am coming from a very different point of view.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 2:59pm
you know what I do when a guy says he'll call and doesn't? NOTHING. The next time he calls it goes to VM and I take my sweet time calling back. Works every time! And I'm sweet as pie when he finally calls and I pick up. It's fun to hear the surprise in his voice when he's not getting the riot act. AND the next time he says he'll call he usually does!
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 7:03pm
We came back around to the discussion regarding his text the night before. I just told him, I don't mind texting, but that I really don't like it unless it's just a simple hey throughout the day or to quickly clarify something. He's totally slow at texting anyways. Anyway, he said lesson was learned, I was right and new rule: No more texting anything important or not taking the time to call. We also discussed the do what you say. He also totally agreed and again said lesson learned. He's learned three new things about me: I meant what I said about the top two things AND I meant what I said about dating other people and that ladies.... is going to a totally new thread. Someone who said it was ok for me to date, suddenly doesn't like to share. LOL.