"I'm seriously considring meeting him for lunch or coffee one day."
DO IT! And don't regret it - you come first - and you are dating. If I had to listen to all of the crapola from builder that you just typed I would be looking for a wonderful outfit for that coffee!!!
I don't like the jealousy issues and the move to NY thing.
Thanks - I have a really, really hard time taking care of me. I want to be there for Builder - truly I do - but I have found myself wondering sometimes exactly what the next drama will be.
IMO of you decide to see the guy for coffee, I would let Builder know. You are exclusive (right?) and if you do it without telling him then yo uare validating his concerns. True- he pretty much pushed you away into considering meeting someone else (his greatest fear that you would) but still- if you are still exclusive he desreves to know if are going to meet someone else for a date.
Thats just my opinion though :o)
How do you feel about Builder as a whole? Is his insecurites something you feel is that will always be an issue? Sometimes when relationships solidify and you get past the 1-2 year mark you get more comfortable and relaxed and trusting with each other. But if he is just down right jealous and suspisious and you feel it won't change- then that is something I would have big problems with too.
Ok, as nice of a guy he is, he has MAJOR issues and is too passive/ aggressive my taste. I would NEVER keep myself in a position where I have to DEFEND my HONOUR to a man, and that is what Builder is doing to you.
You were going out to a movie with another man, and Builder WAS invited- yet he threw a hissy fit and made YOU apologize and explain yourself. Feel good about it? I'm sure he made you feel absolutely TERRIBLE for letting him down.
Manipulation 101.
If you were going to "cheat" on the guy, you certainly wouldn't be inviting him to join you!
Alas, it is HIS problem in HIS thinking, not anything you have said or done. Again, why does he have a right to think so little of your honour and integrity?
Kick his booty out the door.
When things settle down, take the other guy up on the coffee thing.
You've done a lot of soul searching and that is good. Your marriage was so painful...and it does take time to sort out who we are after we leave the marriage. With Builder, it is good to think these things through. You've been together 5 months, so some evaluation is good and necessary. I think that really open communication with him will be key. And boundaries..meaning that once you have stated your about any issue (for example that you are going to the movies with friends purely as friends) he can talk about his concerns with you but that you have your boundary about not being manipulated into feeling bad. It is good stuff to talk about..I find that insecurities in relationships are hidden demons and when left unspoken they only fester.
I'm happy that you are happy and feel good about where you are right now with Builder. One day at a time will tell you where things are going with him.
And as for your dd and the effects of your ex..all you can really do is work on the here and now..continue to be the wonderful mom and roll model you are now. The present, the now is what is going to have the lasting impact on her. And you are doing a positively great job :o)
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Have you and Builder discussed being exclusive?
JH
"I'm seriously considring meeting him for lunch or coffee one day."
DO IT! And don't regret it - you come first - and you are dating. If I had to listen to all of the crapola from builder that you just typed I would be looking for a wonderful outfit for that coffee!!!
I don't like the jealousy issues and the move to NY thing.
Thanks - I have a really, really hard time taking care of me. I want to be there for Builder - truly I do - but I have found myself wondering sometimes exactly what the next drama will be.
IMO of you decide to see the guy for coffee, I would let Builder know. You are exclusive (right?) and if you do it without telling him then yo uare validating his concerns. True- he pretty much pushed you away into considering meeting someone else (his greatest fear that you would) but still- if you are still exclusive he desreves to know if are going to meet someone else for a date.
Thats just my opinion though :o)
How do you feel about Builder as a whole? Is his insecurites something you feel is that will always be an issue? Sometimes when relationships solidify and you get past the 1-2 year mark you get more comfortable and relaxed and trusting with each other. But if he is just down right jealous and suspisious and you feel it won't change- then that is something I would have big problems with too.
How wonderful that you had time to clean out the closets in your house - and in your mind.
Builder refused to go and sent some texts to the effect of "enjoy your date.."
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
Ok, as nice of a guy he is, he has MAJOR issues and is too passive/ aggressive my taste. I would NEVER keep myself in a position where I have to DEFEND my HONOUR to a man, and that is what Builder is doing to you.
You were going out to a movie with another man, and Builder WAS invited- yet he threw a hissy fit and made YOU apologize and explain yourself. Feel good about it? I'm sure he made you feel absolutely TERRIBLE for letting him down.
Manipulation 101.
If you were going to "cheat" on the guy, you certainly wouldn't be inviting him to join you!
Alas, it is HIS problem in HIS thinking, not anything you have said or done. Again, why does he have a right to think so little of your honour and integrity?
Kick his booty out the door.
When things settle down, take the other guy up on the coffee thing.
I erased my post.
You've done a lot of soul searching and that is good. Your marriage was so painful...and it does take time to sort out who we are after we leave the marriage. With Builder, it is good to think these things through. You've been together 5 months, so some evaluation is good and necessary. I think that really open communication with him will be key. And boundaries..meaning that once you have stated your about any issue (for example that you are going to the movies with friends purely as friends) he can talk about his concerns with you but that you have your boundary about not being manipulated into feeling bad. It is good stuff to talk about..I find that insecurities in relationships are hidden demons and when left unspoken they only fester.
I'm happy that you are happy and feel good about where you are right now with Builder. One day at a time will tell you where things are going with him.
And as for your dd and the effects of your ex..all you can really do is work on the here and now..continue to be the wonderful mom and roll model you are now. The present, the now is what is going to have the lasting impact on her. And you are doing a positively great job :o)
Pages