Ok, is this a red flag and if so......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Ok, is this a red flag and if so......
19
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 10:28am
Ok, I am so proud of myself.
 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 10:39am

Hate to be the negative voice of reason here Sweetie, but i think he is full of bull.


From what i gather, you BOTH decided to date exclusively, correct?

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 10:50am

I believe in knowing what you want and communicating that directly.

This bothers you. Directly ask him to take down or hide his profiles on all the online sites. "I am uncomfortable with you having your profile up on the dating sites since we both agreed that we are exclusively dating each other. Please hide or remove them." End of story.

I know for myself if someone wants something then they have to ask directly. My DD14 tells me that she is cold. I tell her thanks for sharing that with me and if there is a request then please frame that as one, e.g. "Will you please turn up the heat?"

It drives me nuts trying to interpret and read in between the lines with people. I don't want to do the work if they can just be direct and ask for what they want.

THEN if he does not do that or gives you some excuse on why he won't then you have your answer. Yes, I agree with Rebecca, it's not what someone says but what he does.

Mark

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb

Edited 4/13/2008 10:53 am ET by mhash




Edited 4/13/2008 10:53 am ET by mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 11:04am
Thanks girl.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 11:10am
Thank you.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 1:00pm

Hmmm... online for only a year or not, something is tingling that "spidey sense" in you and you should listen to it.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 3:37pm

hmmm... i'm not much of an online dater.. but i have profiles up on all kinds of sites that i've forgotten about... i haven't taken them down. If someone were to search and try to make a deal about it, i'd say... oh i didn't even remember they were they.... i don't ever look at them. If that person said, take them off or hide them... i might say sure, but then not do it because i'm lazy about computer stuff like that... i would hope that a guy wouldn't make a big deal... i don't look at those things anyway...


But if he's a guy who's constantly on them, chatting or viewing profiles... that would annoy me.... but not just because he left them unhidden. .... NO guy who is exclusive should be chatting online with other women.. that would annoy me big time...


Honest communication is the best in this case....


Loonybunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 3:41pm
Right- if you forgot they were up, that would be one thing... but in this case, he was asked specifically to take that one on POF down and apparently DID, only to reopen it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 9:37pm
Okey dokey.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 9:50pm

Yeah, I'd watch him... and let time go by just to see if it's true or not.


For one- if all he was doing was keeping in touch with friends out of state- then why wouldn't he have said that when you FIRST mentioned it to you? And if they were truly friends of his... why contact each other through a dating site? Why not just do it through his regular email?


But why be so sweet to you like he has been,

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 12:22am

I agree. I HOPE what he says is true. It just seems REALLY odd to me that he would use a dating site (i think it was only one, right?) to keep in contact with freinds. But, who knows ... maybe its true.


Just keep your eyes & ears open. At least now its definatly out there, the expectations, so there will be no excuse if you find out again.

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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