OK single moms - work (off topic)
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| Thu, 07-26-2007 - 10:04am |
I know this is a dating forum but since we are all single moms out there plugging away. I was wondering what everyone does and how that works being a single mom.
My undergraduate degree is in Paralegal Studies and I worked as a paralegal for about 12 years. It can be a very stressful and demanding job and lawyers don't understand that you have kids and a family at home only that there are filing deadlines and could care less (for the most part) what the other demands on your time might be. Staying late is expected and becoming single doesn't really allow for that. So not long after my separation from my husband I separated from paralegal work. Been meandering around trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up (after all I'm only 39 and still have 25 - 30 years of work ahead of me, more than behind me).
I have been to school for a few things and didn't feel that it would quite fit me. When I knew my M wasn't going to work out I went back to get a teaching license. I knew that the hours would be good for the kids and I could be home with them in the summer. However after considering it and taking some classes it seemed as though that may not really be the case. Teachers here don't make much to start out (around $30,000) which we would not be able to live on without me taking a summer job therefore the kids would still have to have child care in the summers and the best part of that was really not going to work out. So I decided against it since I can make more as a secretary and the stress is much lower than what I would have as a teacher with all the NCLB stuff)
So I am trying to figure out what would work well for me as well as my little ones. I have considered getting an MSW but I wouldn't want to be an actual Social Worker with a case load as that again entails long hours away from the people who need me most. It would be rewarding but wouldn't be a great job for a single mom. I could use it to go into research or community outreach and am considering that.
I am also looking into nursing. I don't have a lot of science courses from my degree so would probably have to take some to start out. There are lots of nursing programs around and I don't know what one would be good for me but there are so many options for nurses, day work, evening, weekends only; hospitals, dr. office, hospice, and going on to further yourself as a nurse practitioner or nurse anesthetist but even an RN makes pretty good money (I think). Don't know if I should do a second degree and get BSN or if it would be easier to get an AAS in nursing from the local community college. I don't know that it matters as long as I am licensed unless I want to get an MSN later.
Anyhow right now I'm working at the university and can get the fees for one class a semester waived. So that is a great benefit I don't want to pass up. They also encourage departments to all employees the flexibility to take classes during working hours. Being at a university, education is obviously very important.
I know this is way off topic, but who better to give me advice than a bunch of other single moms. I want to do what is best for not only me, but also my kids. I want a challenging and rewarding career that offers flexibility. So what do you all do and how does that work for your family? Any one have any great advice or ideas. This is a great group of women and I appreciate your opinions.
Priscilla (still not grown up at almost 40)

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Tomorrow I find out if I've gotten a promotion I applied for, which would make me a transit servic supervisor. There's been a ton of reorganization lately, and I may also be offered a dispatch position.
The hours I have right now are mostly conventional- 9:30 to 6 with only an occassional weekend.
I temped in the dispatch office, and then the hours were 10-8 and Saturdays from 6-6. That was a long few weeks, and I don't know if I could keep that pace indefinitely.
As for what works for my family, well, I work for my family.
It's hard, definitely, for my kids and I to not get to spend a lot of time together. However, they understand that we need a place to live, we need food, and I need to be able to pay the bills.
Hopefully I'm getting the supervisor's position, which will be steadier hours and way more pay. I'll keep you all posted.
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Quite a bit of activity before I had kids. I'd wanted to get into medicine/nursing/research- something medical- when I was in high school but then tried other directions in college. I ended up graduating with a Graphic Design degree (BFA) and worked doing that for awhile when my 'calling' took over. I really should've gone straight into nursing right away- but oh well!
Then I went to paramedic school, and became a Medic. And worked doing that (fun!) as I put myself through nursing school. I got my BSN and went to work in the ER (loved it!) but quit that later on, to be a SAHM (with my then-DH). So I've been basically out of my chosen career field for awhile now- and it's a bit scary to think that I will be back in it again (after so much time has passed, and medical aspects have changed). But then my best friend hooked me up with a part-time job with the local community college's nursing school. So now I'm working with the nursing school helping the students with Pharmacology (one of the hardest classes they have to pass to be able to move on to upper levels). I love this job! It's only part-time, so I'm still able to be around for my kids. I'm off during the summer (because there is no class) so I'm off when the kids are off from school, too. It's pretty much the perfect set-up for us right now!
But once this job ends (it's through a grant)- I will have to start looking at other nursing options. And hope that I can find something that will still allow me to be at home for the kids when I need to be- and not gone all the time like my old ER job used to be. And like many nursing jobs tend to be.
Thankfully I do get some CS from the ex, but I don't find it reliable because he pays some, gets behind... and then I might not get anything for months until he figures out how to get caught back up again. It's there, but it's just not something that is consistent. But I am thankful that it IS there though- because it helps to add up with the part-time pay so we can do fine.
I'm not able to save anything, but at least we're not going into the hole. Once I can figure out how to fit in something full-time... I'll be HAPPY to be able to start saving again! It's just hard for me to feel good about breaking even. I'd rather make more than I spend. But for now, we do what we can because it at least still works. :-)
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I got a job working in a restaurant when I was just 15 because I wanted to buy a car. It was hard work and long hours in a hot kitchen - but I absolutely loved the teamwork atmosphere and the people I worked with. A visiting chef found me (and he was my first really hot boyfriend - uh oh!) and recruited me to another of the company's restaurants. There were a lot of chefs and cooks there from a famous culinary school and one thing led to another and I went to that school - paid my own way - I have supported myself since I was 18.
I had a passion for my career from an early age and put in a TON of hours. Stayed very active in the professional associations, spent vacations going to school, spent a lot of my own money for tools, classes and books. Worked my butt off. Became the pastry chef for a famous hotel chain for quite a few years. Hideous hours including holidays and weekends. The staff was my family. In one hotel I don't think I worked less than a 12 hour day ever. But I was young and loved it.
I dumped the job to stay home and launch my own business so I could stay home with DS - I mean - who is going to watch your kid for 14 hours on Xmas? My biz lost money the first few years and then I made it okay - which was good because by that time my marriage was in the klink so I bought my freedom. I do work hard now and have lots of long hours - I pretty much work 7 days a week. But my time is my own. And I like the challenge of having to keep the money coming in - a paycheck is not a given with your own business. But so far so good.
The one thing I found is that you have to do a better job than what they expect, keep your mouth shut and make your boss look good no matter what but be true to your staff at the same time. Then you just climb! I think you have to love what you do. But certainly I could not imagine doing any of that with kids. Because having kids puts you at "half mast" for earning capacity. If I did not have DS I could probably double my business. But I love the my son and the interruptions more than the money. And now I am learning to do what I should have done in my 20s - and that is to date meaningfully. I think my 20s were spent in FWB situations - going from one to another.
I only want to make one more comment and that is that I don't agree with my parent's philosophy that a kid should work for everything. A kid should concentrate on their talents and focus on the education that will make those talent's marketable but maybe work a meaningful job to teach them something - but not have to work as I did for a car and an education. For me to have to focus on a job so young really put my life out of balance. I mean they were spending a lot of money to put me in private school so then I could turn around and party with restaurant people. But I guess everything turns out in the end, right?
Great info from everyone. Sounds like everyone just found something that works doing a variety of things. I too worked for all I wanted when I was younger and I don't think that is a bad thing. School will come first but kids need to know the value of a dollar. I think that will serve them well. I don't want them to meander around but find something and put their focus into it.
So now I just need to decide what will work. Not sure what that is. I could probably teach in the shortest amount of time and I think I would enjoy that. I could get an MSW or Master's in Psychology or education and move into administration, school counseling, school social work. All great for parents and maybe a good fit for me. I love helping kids. My children are all adopted through the foster care system and I was a foster parent for about 7 years. Just recently gave up my license to concentrate on my kids and get things going well for us.
I'm also still considering getting an RN and would most likely want to work in a clinic or a doctor's office so that I would only have daytime hours. We shall see. I have to choose a program and be admitted before they school will pay for anything. The teaching certification is at a different school so it may be a little harder to do. I will see what will work best for me.
Thanks for all the feedback.
Priscilla
Sounds like teaching or an RN are both good options. The RN will probably yield the most opportunity and money later on. Keep us posted.
I have a friend who is a single mom and she took 10 years to get her MBA - always took one class at a time - and sometimes when things were too busy with her work and or kid she took a semester off. The fun thing is that she and her daughter graduated college about the same time. She has a great paying job now, is dating someone great and her daughter just got a great job in NYC. So as long as you are on a track to somewhere you will end up good I think.
I sooo agree about not making your children work while in school. HOWEVER, I do think a summer time job is great and MAYBE one day on a Friday and Saturday, but my parents also put me to work at a VERY early age. I was 13 when I started and they expected me to pay for everything, including rent. It was VERY hard and my life became very unbalanced. A lot of what happened, with dropping out of school, living on the streets, having a child very early out of wedlock (21), I think pertained to the fact my parents JUST didn't care ENOUGH. I do things so differently with my daughter now. I focus on her talents and I do what I can to teach her responsibility, but also to be the kid she needs to be. She is in a very tough school and she brings home great grades. Which is much more difficult for her, because she has severe ADD, but she is soo intelligent, it makes the teachers head spin.
I often think and wish my parents would really have cared. And what's worse is that my Mom has a Masters and my Father a PH'd in Education; I just don't understand what went wrong with them as parents.
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