OK since we're dishing about ex husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
OK since we're dishing about ex husbands
29
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 10:03am

My 15-year-old dd and I have been having "issues" for over a month because she was skipping school and her grades were in the toilet.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 10:31am

Oh, I have no advice except that it IS so very backwards!!!!!!! I don't get that theory of theirs, either. I just hope that it will still work out anyway, for DD's sake, and her grades.


But there is nothing you could do, about wanting to keep her for your weekends, as that is SUPPOSED to be where she is anyway?? Even at her age?


(((((((((hugs isys)))))))))))


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 10:42am

We've always done the every other weekend thing (Fri,Sat,Sun) and he takes them every Mon,Tues and I take them every Wed, Thurs so we each get a 5 day stretch with them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 12:07pm

Here's a question for you:

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 12:14pm

I am going to take the phone away if this is what she is going to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 12:36pm

I am in a similar situation with my 16 y/o son. He moved in with his Dad because he is EXTREMELY lenient. If he manages to graduate, it will be by the skin of his teeth. It is so frustrating when the kids play their parents against each other. When you don't have a united front, the kid is the one to suffer.

If she doesn't pass for the semester, then her Dad can pay for summer school or online classes.
Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 12:58pm

I mentioned that to my ex and he completely shut me down saying "well she's getting extra help".

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 1:09pm

I have been divorced for 6 years and my ex is the same way. Unfortunately, things deteriorated so much that my attorney had to address it with court orders. He is not allowed to contact me (except in the case of an emergency) via phone, regular email or texting. We have to use a website set up for just such cases. Anything posted on that site can be used in the case of litigation or mediation. You can't delete or edit your messages.

They just don't understand that by acting that way it is hurting the kids. They can't put their vindictiveness aside and put the kids first!!

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 1:17pm
What is the name of this website?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 1:22pm

I have to chime in and commend you girlfriend!! You're trying to show your daughter the rules of life- you have to pay to play- there are no free lunches. She will be so much happier in life when she is self sufficient and not NEEDING someone else to pay her bills. She gets a good education and she'll be able to do what she wants, not depend on someone else. And it's so hard to go back as an adult to get it- so much easier as kids to go for the education. It's a mindset and a value that I think is important to foster at her age. You're doing exactly what I would do. I don't understand your exs reasoning at all, about thinking she would be better with him on your weekends?? Other than letting her get away without facing consequences, I don't see it!


I'd stick to your guns and reinterate to both him and your daughter that you're enforcing good grades, and you have equal say in how consequences are enforced. It sounds tricky- I wishing you the best in this..

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 1:27pm
It is www.ourfamilywizard.com. 15 is a rough age. That is when my son started really having problems in school and hanging out with a pretty rough crowd. If you can get your daughter to go to counseling, it wouldn't hurt. I dread when my daughter goes High School. She is only 12 and I am having to deal with attitude and moodiness.
Steph

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