OK since we're dishing about ex husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
OK since we're dishing about ex husbands
29
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 10:03am

My 15-year-old dd and I have been having "issues" for over a month because she was skipping school and her grades were in the toilet.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 5:32pm

When she was grounded it was actually good!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 8:06pm

Wow that is great she was so nice with being grounded.

I bet, though, that she will tire of her dad's house and you will have her back in her routine sooner than you think.

I was wondering if you could negotiate a bit of freedom on the weekend - maybe something like - when the grades are bad you have to stay in most of the time but if you have a good week you get one night out or one afternoon out? That way it is not so overwhelming and there is incentive each week?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 10:27pm

Negotiating is a moot point right now because she basically got out of it anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 12:24am
OK, wait a minute here. It may be different in your state, but here in AZ a kid has some say in physical custody arrangements at age 14, IF the parents agree OR if a counselor presents the kid's concerns to the court. A kid can't just decide he/she is going to live with the more lenient parent. By all means take the phone until that geometry grade is more than just passing.
I thank God my sons actually preferred to spend more time with me because I was the more strict parent. S19 said he would flunk out of school if he was at his dad's, his dad is too flaky. S16 saves working on important papers for when he is at my house because he knows he'll get reasonable help (proofreading without totally changing the paper). They have thanked me for not being the "cool" mom. They realize now they needed rules and structure. I hope your daughter eventually gets it.
The world does not end with high school. She screws up now, she can eventually turn it around later when she is more mature. Screwing up in high school just closes doors in some career choices and opportunities for college. One can turn it around later after figuring out that it is important. She has to learn to live with the consequences of her choices. It is tough as a parent to let them flounder, but in the long run, they will do better if they learn it now. Let your X think he is dissing you as a parent. When her grades plummet again she will have to figure out that there are consequences for screwing around and for choosing Disneyland Dad over Responsible Mom.
Hugs
QueenBun, whose total screw up niece is now in Nursing school
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 8:22am
Thank you for your input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 6:20pm

I'm curious to know what career path she has talked about taking?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 6:22pm
She's interested in being a social worker.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 6:32pm

Perhaps you can arrange a meeting with someone who is a social worker and someone who's a nurses assistant to give her an idea of the grade requirements and responsibilities to be accepted into those programs.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 04-05-2008 - 6:43pm

I'm a nurse and was a nursing assistant while going to college so I know the grade requirements.

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