OK you guys. I have news!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
OK you guys. I have news!
53
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 6:09pm

No....I'm not pregnant. LOL!


Well, many of you know my relationship with BE has grown leaps and bounds in the past few months. We have resolved issues and find ourselves comfortably solid and with

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 7:58pm
Congrats!!! I'm so excited for you and your DD!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 8:00pm
You are an inspiration to us all specifically with the way you resolved your issues before getting to this point.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 8:21pm
WOW - that is great news for you. And I know it must have been a deeply thought out decision for you with everything the two of you have been through!!! I bet DD is excited! I remember saying to my DS when I had SYB move in that we werent getting engaged or married so I didnt want him to misunderstand the step we were making together and he said " Are you kidding? I dont care as long as he is with us all the time"LOL
So when does it all happen?
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 8:36pm

Well that IS news! I'm glad you're both feeling settled and secure in this next step, and feel it's a positive step forward :)

Now... since I was cl of the Living Together board, I can't just leave it at "congrats", so Pac, here goes:

Before you move in, set out the rules of space/ time/ privacy for EVERYONE. You want to be clear where everyone's things will go, rules about knocking on doors before entering, be clear about routines for homework/ downtime, etc. If your rule is that dd does homework at the table after school, make sure that BE is aware of that so he's not using the table to sort his bottle collection ( I don't know? LOL).... or BE likes to watch the news at 6pm, so the tv is "booked" til that's over. Knowing everyone's routine beforehand helps avoid confusion and frustration. Also, if you or BE have a filing cabinet for bills and it's off limits to dd or each other, then make it known.

Discuss how much merging of household possessions you'll do: will you keep your paperwork separate but merge things like cd's and dishes?

How will chores be divided? That is SUCH a bone of contention to most couples, it's good to lay it out before moving in. Will you change it up, have a sheet, do it all together, trade off: you make dinner, he cleans up, dd sets/ clears the table? Who's in charge of picking up groceries?

Friends/ family, how often can you expect company or the other person to want to go out? Some couples have a "girls/ guys night", others love to have friends/ family over, others have a date night, some like to have a weekly family sitdown dinner.

What about finances? When J and I lived together we opened a joint bank account and credit card and paid all the household items with those, figuring out half/ half (or 60/40 when one was making more) for the bills. Whatever was left over once the house bills were paid were ours personally to do with as we pleased. With A, we divided the bills by: he paid the rent and I covered everything else, food, car insurance, gas, etc... it worked out about the same amount. Who will be in charge of finances, how bills will be divided, who will pay what amount, etc.

Will you expect BE to be responsible for dd in ANY way: whether in "parenting", covering expenses, picking her up from school or taking her to an appointment. Make those expectations clear.

Sit down with BE and dd before you move in and talk about any questions or concerns and make a system. Meet again after a few weeks of living together and modify the system or discuss any issues as needed. Maybe have a white board in a central location to make notes for discussion, reminders, messages, etc.

It's an exciting time for all of you and with open communication I'm sure you'll do great!

The boy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 8:47pm

Congratulations. Now the real work begins. It is a great example for all of us how much the two of you worked at making this relationship grow and move forward. And BE's consideration of how your DD will adapt to the transition, doing what he can to make that transition smooth for HER, speaks a lot about who he is. I see a guy who really loves you PacSun. Lucky, lucky you!

QB

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 9:27pm

Dang, Alison- that is one thorough list of things to discuss and think over!!! I think I've been aware of all the nitty-gritties of actually living with someone (as it was a rude awakening when I got married- and stupidly DIDN'T consider all these things before)... and that is the main reason why I am not in a hurry to blend households with Hiker or anyone anytime soon!

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Tue, 09-09-2008 - 9:43pm
Congrats to you!!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 12:41am
HUGS!!! That is soooooooo exciting! I am extremely happy for you! You deserve this sooo much and I'm so thrilled that DD is getting such a cool room! YAY on saving that extra cash flow and YAY for being in such a wonderful and exciting time of your life!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 3:19am
That sounds GREAT! CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Rebecca, Mom to Averey Elise, age 8, my big 3rd grader!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2008
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 8:02am

Congrats!!! That's such exciting news and I'm sure everything will work out fine.


Janette