Okay...Should I Be Mad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Okay...Should I Be Mad?
8
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 2:05pm

Last night new guy and I went out with some of our friends. We ended up at my work to have a few drinks. Well...I can't handle a few drinks, and by the time we left I was a little tipsy. We ended up at one of his friends birthday party and I had a few more. (The first drinks I had were mixed/strong drinks, the others were beer.) Then we ended up going to the bar. By the time we got there I wasn't feeling good at all. I told him that I didn't feel good and asked him to take me to my friends house where I could lay down. He told me that he didn't want me to go, but that he would take me to his house where I could rest and sober up.

**Now...don't get me wrong, I was very drunk, but I wasn't acting a fool. But, I knew that if I con't to stay then I would probably drink some more and wind up getting sick. I didn't want to make a fool of myself and I sure didn't want to embarrass him in front of his friends.**

He was upset with me, which I can understand. I'm a light weight, I shouldn't have drank so much (especially so fast), but on the other hand, he's done it before too. So, he took me to his house, stayed for maybe five mins. and then left me. He asked me if I would be mad if he left, but I said no, to just go ahead. Well...when he left, he left with ALL my stuff (car keys, makeup, shoes, purse, etc.). Needless to say, I didn't need to drive and I wouldn't have - drinking and driving don't mix.

The icing on the cake to all of this was that he had promised me a night of watching movies and being with me instead of bar hopping. The original plan was to have a FEW drinks, eat, and go back to his house. But I went with the new plans and ended up getting waisted - my bad.

About 3 hours later, he comes back all upset b/c he said that he should've stayed w/ me and that he felt bad. I wasn't mad at all, my feelings were a little hurt, but there's a difference between the two, at least there is for me. So, I ended up having him take me home. He ends up calling me apologizing. He con'ts to say that if the tables were turned, and I had left him, that he would have been furious with me. Okay. He has the tendency to tell me what to do, and if I don't do it then he gets all mad/upset with me, which is a red flag to me. I do like him, and I do think that he is nice in a lot of ways, but when it comes down to it, I don't think it will really work out in the long run between us.

But...I told some of my friends about last night and they think that it was very wrong of him to have left me and to have been mad at me b/c I didn't want to stay at the bar any longer. I, on the other hand, am not mad. What upsets me is the fact that if I had done that to him then he would be mad at me. How come he can do things, but if the tables were/are turned, then he'd give me the boot, so to speak.

Who knows...
Kait

BTW, I won't be drinking again any time soon. I'm not a lush, but I sure can't handle hard alcohol, and I don't want to be in that position again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 4:45pm

Well, if it were me, I think I would be mad. BUT, you did tell him to go, so even though you WANTED him to stay, can you honestly be mad at him for going when you told him to?

I understand completely where you're coming from, and I agree with you, I'm just playing devil's advocate.

As far as him telling you what to do, you need to be putting an end to that, pronto. You're your own person. He's not your owner. He's not your boss. He's not your father, and you're not a minor child in need of supervision. He doesn't get to tell you what to do. Ever. He can state his opinion, but you can tell him to kiss your derrierre.

I don't like to be *told* what to do, ever, which might be why this rubs me the wrong way, but even my boss, my father, whomever, always puts requests to me politely. They don't tell me what to do point blank. If they did, they'd get the *look*. You know the one- it basically says without me having to say anything.

So, in a nutshell, I think, go ahead and be upset for the actions, but you're smart for not being mad exactly. You are thinking clearly now, and you're right to question things.


Powered by CGISpy.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 9:01pm

Oh Kait,


What a bummer of a night!


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 9:24pm

I must say I don't like this story - it seems that he put drinking and bar hopping in place of your original plans, had a bad influence on you and then left you to party more. I don't like that it took him 3 hours to come home and that he has a different set of standards for how you must behave and for how he treats you.

Yes - this is a red flag. You have to ask yourself if you want to continue in this fashion. Do you really think he is different from your exh? Make sure this isn't the same thing.

On the other hand, see if he makes a big effort next weekend or the next time he is tempted to go out. Talk about your feelings about the uneven expectations for behavior - see what he says. Put him on "probation" so to speak.

You are young and seem to attract a lot of men - so it is not like this has to be the only one for you - just remember that and keep YOUR expectations really high. Don't put up with any pookie especially in the beginning.

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 9:30pm

"pookie"????


LOL!




Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 9:52pm
Hi, I mostly just read, but I have to say that I am bothered most by the fact that he took your purse with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 1:54pm
(deleted)


Edited 3/29/2006 6:51 pm ET by fivesense
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 3:22pm

RUN!RUN!RUN as fast as you can.....

This is called a sign. The sign is: He has one set of rules for you and another set of rules for him. This is bad, very, very ,very bad.

Please let this one go. You clearly have doubts. Listen to your gut and go with the doubts and let him go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 7:33am

Fivesense,

Good to see you here - not sure why you edited - but that is okay - I have been wondering how you are doing? What is going on? We would love an update!

signature