ok...I gotta

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
ok...I gotta
19
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 11:40am

Ok, I need to spill this...it's making me nutso


I've had 3 emails from trav in the past 2 weeks, 2 of them wishing me a happy valentine's day. He mentioned he's in the area. hint hint...


I am so conflicted about the idea of being in touch with him again. He is writing me more now than when we were seeing each other. More text, less icons. I have been just NOT thinking

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 12:55pm
umm, yeah... and really, I don't know which answer would be the scariest. LOL...but either way, it is still my decison. Gotta remember that.
Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 1:21pm

Well, I don't have any tranquilizers for you Candi... ;)


BUT, I do have a reminder. I think that absolutely regardless of how HE left things, you knew how YOU left things. You needed more than a part time, off and on, flirty sexual relationship. You needed and wanted a real relationship. And it's not necessarily his fault that he can't provide that. It's just a fact.


I think that if you see him now, you're just opening that whole box again. And you'll end up having to go back to where you did around Christmastime. Letting him know that you need more than he can provide, and that spending time with him is a distraction from your being able to move on and be able to be open and ready for someone who MIGHT be where you are at the right time.


KWIM?


I know it's frustrating. But unless he's offering a committed relationship from nearby that you can actively participate in, I can't see that there'd be any point in seeing him.


What do you think?

Becky

Becky

 

 

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 1:41pm
I am SO pleased for you that you were so direct with him Candi. I think that's excellent. If you're going to correspond with him, lay the cards all out there for both to see. That's excellent. I look forward to hearing what he has to say...
Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 2:19pm

ExACTLy...


as to looking forward to what he has to say, I don't know if I do or not. But I think this is the way to go....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 2:43pm

Candi,

I agree with West and Becky. I also think it's good that you sent him a direct email asking him what he wants. Don't let him give you any vague answers. He might even disappear for a while just so he doesn't have to answer your questions and then pop back in with a friendly email.

Don't let him off the hook. He needs to tell you exactly what he's doing with you. If he disappoints you or doesn't meet your needs 100%, please cut him loose. No contact. No friendship. Others will disagree with me, but friendly relationships with an ex who can still push your buttons is wrong for you. It hurts and distracts you from finding someone who will meet your needs.

You deserve someone who will fulfill your emotional needs.

Tricia

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 2:46pm

>>>Others will disagree with me, but friendly relationships with an ex who can still push your buttons is wrong for you. It hurts and distracts you from finding someone who will meet your needs.<<<

I agree!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 3:47pm

I totally agree with this post.

Trav has to cough up what you need or be gone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 3:52pm
hmm, dunno. I do want to establish what he's thinking, but I don't know that I would banish him as a friend. He's a great cheerleader. (giggling, thinking of the macho man in a short wool skirt with pompons...LOL)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 4:20pm

Candi:

I apologize for not responding to you sooner, but I've been MIA lately because of work. Hugs to you. This is a frustrating place to be in. I have to compliment you on your e-mail, I think it was excellent. You said what you needed to, and now the ball is in his court.

I was in a similar spot at Christmas time. It's a hard decision to make. I'm going to tell you what everyone told me: go with your gut. I took a chance, and things seem to be working out ok. But Mark is meeting me more than half way. I say if Trav can give you everything you need and want, than give it a try. But if he can't, you can do much better. It's hard when they're such nice guys, isn't it? I always said, had Mark been a jerk, I wouldn't have given his proposal to get back together a second thought. But he is a good person. And it sounds like you have a lot of positive things to say about Trav, also. Everything involved a risk, and sometimes, the risk is worth it. Good luck to you.

Donna

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