Old boyfriend from highschool

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2008
Old boyfriend from highschool
7
Fri, 10-17-2008 - 10:00pm

I've been talking online, and tonight on the phone with a really intelligent funny boyfriend I had at the end of my senior year in high school. We went to boarding school together, and so are closer than in a typical highschool old boyfriend kind of way since kids at boarding school are forced to spend more time together. He is doing pretty well. We have not talked in 23 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 10-18-2008 - 11:52am

Ha! Maybe I don't have to try so hard in life, and that will help me get a guy. Just be really good in the sack from what I'm gathering from my friend.


Yes but you see what he says about her!!!

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sat, 10-18-2008 - 1:57pm

He told me basically that he is with his current girlfriend because of the sex

First off, I don't believe this part and secondly, I think it's bad when guys start digging on their girlfriends or wives. I've heard the old I get it or don't get sex theory and they stick around the relationship for whatever reason bad mouthing the other half, but if you look closer, then the reality is, they are doing fine. It's just a con game and I think this guy is conning you no matter what.

YEARS ago, I had an X boyfriend contact me. WE dated over 4 years and he never got over us. He is married with two kids. Kept bad mouthing the ex, wanting to leave her for me, etc etc. but at the end of the day he's still with her.

Unless they are TRULY single, stay away from the past. Otherwise, it'll turn into an emotional affair.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2008
Sat, 10-18-2008 - 4:36pm

Right you guys. I had a client today that also confided in me that one reason she does not want her husband getting on Facebook is that she does not want old girlfriends talking to him. I had to stop and think that my friend's girlfriend would no doubt resent him talking about certain secrets with me, and I DON'T want an emotional affair as interesting as he is. I'm going to have to tell him that I have to stop texting/calling because he is taken and not be contacting him because I am feeling vulnerable right now and his attention is flattering.


I don't want to be selfish because of my own neediness, when he has told me that she is very jealous of him. He needs to be talking to her about this stuff, and if he cannot, I question why he wants to continue with her, and he needs to think about this.


Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sat, 10-18-2008 - 4:43pm

Well if he bad mouths her and flirts with others, no wonder she's jealous.

I don't want to be selfish because of my own neediness
- you are right to keep away.

Even if this guy says nooo, it's not a problem, blah blah blah, do not let yourself get intwined. You will deserve whatever negative happens if you do. That may sound harsh, but I believe you don't mess with another womans' man. EVER.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2008
Sat, 10-18-2008 - 10:05pm
Hi Precious. You're right about this, and don't feel that I think you are being too harsh. Trust me when I say that I've had some horrible things happen where my husband/partner
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 11:06am

true, many people remember what it was like IN high school. Remember the innocence. That's kind of nice, because I often wish people saw what I was like in school, to see what a nice wholesome kid I was and that I still believe in those same sort of morals now. It seems my looks overshadow the niceness of me. They just see sex. :(
My high school friends during our reunion laughed, because the same guys that never even took a look, where waiting on my hand and foot all night, just to talk to me. They kept saying how much I've changed, how different I look, how HOT I became. LOL. YUK.

I also just bumped into one of my best friends in Middle School on facebook. OMG, he is sooooooooo HOT, he was the biggest GEEK, like I was! He's married now and lives in Portland (where Mark lives). He still looks like the biggest sweetheart, but I couldn't believe that geeky kid, turned into such a Hottie and soo SEXY. I would NEVER tell him that! LOL. I just told him I would never have recognized him and that I am soo happy about his marriage and his good life. That he and his wife look so perfect together. We exchanged stories from the olden days and he wanted my story, he told me his and that was that. No nothing and that is how it has to stay. Unless they are single, leave it alone. Facebook and Myspace is just as dangerous for that sort of stuff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2008
Sun, 10-19-2008 - 11:30am

Hi Precious. Well judging from your picture, you are beautiful. I'd put mine in also so my new friends can see what I look like, but I can't figure out to do it.


I was the type of girl that had alot of boys as friends. I would play hours of basketball, or just hang out. But I would have huge crushes that would be unrequited, as far as I could tell. I get pegged as being in the brainiac group, and I had the same body from the time I was 14 as I have now, so that was confusing to me since I was a little girl and didn't know what to do with my new feelings due to all the hormones I was now influenced by. Things changed in college since the boys were then more experienced, and so was I.


I've taken very good care of myself as an adult, and usually people think I'm no older than 35. Experience wise, I know this is not the case! I use my treadmill and pushups and situps, drink only a little, and no smoking since before my 5 year old was born.


The friend I've been posting about from highschool has never been hot, and I doubt that has changed. I could be wrong, but he has not posted his picture, so that's a sign. Digital cameras are not expensive these days, and he is a graphic designer and not unsophisticated about tech stuff. He is just really off the charts intelligent and was one of the nerds in high school. I liked him because he was different, and you never knew what would come out of his mouth. I know that he likes me, but I do think that like alot of us has regrets about some of the choices he's made, and now has to live out the consequences and thinking about me makes him skip back to a time when he had not made such dubious choices. He has made poor financial and romantic choices. I have had a tough time in love due to falling in love with two hard core addicts and having long term relationships with them in my 30's, but do have two gorgeous kids now, and also have hit all the marks financially I thought were important by the time I was 40, and all on