OLD ugh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
OLD ugh
18
Sun, 08-03-2008 - 5:53pm

I get an email today from someone who has been reading my online ad for apparently a while. He said I needed to get with the 21st century and that I am nothing more than a prostitute! Because in my revised profile I say that if you can not afford to PAY FOR A DATE you should not ask me out! And this makes me a prostitute? What is wrong with men these days? Ugh ugh ugh! I was shocked and offended. And he had sent it under a name I did not know but he clearly had written me because he had back ground info on me such as I do not have men to my home etc. So...what a nut! He said he was going to try to get my profile removed from POF that I am not fit to date...I figure I must have rubbed him wrong and turned him down or something to have him take it that seriously! UGh

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: cutefont
Sun, 08-03-2008 - 7:01pm

LOL! Some people have nothing better to do, hey?

Any chance you'd post what's written in your profile here so we can see the "prostitutes" profile? LOL!

The boy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
In reply to: cutefont
Sun, 08-03-2008 - 7:08pm

That kind of email IS harrassing and should be reported to POF. HE should not be dating. Anyone who cant afford to pay for a date shouldnt be dating. I would report him if I were you.


Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
In reply to: cutefont
Sun, 08-03-2008 - 7:41pm
Good God. I would report him so quickly it would make his head spin. And that might hurt him because it sounds like his head is very very large indeed!
What is wrong with people? Truly if you cant afford to pay for someone's dinner, you really shouldnt go out at all - you know why? Because I cant tell you how many times I have gone out with even a gf and they tried to pay as a treat and the credit card didnt go through or they forgot their wallet or any number of things that disabled them. It is a courtesy to pay on a date when a woman is interested in you enough to be one on one and get to know you while she lets you get to know her. It is supposed to have an element of grace and chivalry on both sides IMO - The way I think about it is if some guy wants to take me out but isnt ready to pay for one dinner of mine, he hasnt gotten to know me enough yet. Im not saying he will eventually want to pay for my dinner but just that if he isnt ready to commit to that, he doesnt have enough of a reason yet to ask me to come out at all. It's dinner, not a plane ticket for goodness sake. I would only want to date someone whose heart was open enough to take a leap if fate should have it that way and if they cant fathom paying for a meal, how brave can they be really when it comes to love and relationships? There are so many leaps of faith involved with a love relationship - paying for the first dinner is a pittance really. For that matter, I dont go out to dinner one on one much at all, never have. There have been times when I have clicked with a woman ( platonically of course lol) to the extent that I asked her if she wanted to join me for dinner and I paid because it is unusual for me to be interested in someone enough to want to spend a private evening with them and open up my life a bit. Sometimes you just get this sense that someone could become important to you, romantic or not. Not many people have had that occasion with me and although I dont feel I am a very private person, you would certainly know a lot more about me and my life if you had an evening alone with me. I can only assume that would be true for everyone so that is why I consider it a privilege.
I think I have told this story before but on my first date with SYB he paid for dinner and it was not cheap - we had beautiful wine and tried new things on the menu together. He saved up to do it as he told me later - he wanted us to experience something good together on our first time out one on one. And just to be fair and clear, guess who paid for dinner last night at a very nice place while we celebrated our litany of real estate victories? MOI! He is as I type this ordering us sushi to be delivered because I am under the weather and he is paying tonight. And have we ever had to talk about any of it - hell no. I couldnt stand being with someone who was keeping score like that. It would annoy me to no end!!!
I too would love to read your profile that reminds that guy of a prostitute. What an a$$....
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cutefont
Sun, 08-03-2008 - 9:12pm

I would not put "you have to pay for a date" in my profile because I believe it sounds negative and might turn the right person off. Do you think you can determine their tone and intention before you go out - via email and phone - so you can hold to your standard, but without coming across as harsh in your profile?

I think this one is way off key saying you are a prostitute though. OLD has all kinds. That is for sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
In reply to: cutefont
Sun, 08-03-2008 - 9:31pm

My profile doesn't state you have to pay for a date...it states if you can not pay for a date do not ask me out. I did that because of all the problems I was having with the guys wanting to always go dutch!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cutefont
Sun, 08-03-2008 - 10:06pm

That is what I meant - and I would not put that - just me and my .02. I was wondering if you could screen them better by phone/email. Because a nice one who will pay for a meet and greet would be put off by that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: cutefont
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 12:58am

I agree with Judy about this one... I think it would better to state something more like having "old fashioned values".

The boy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
In reply to: cutefont
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 8:07am
Maybe but if she uses the phrase old fashioned they could think prude, not someone who is looking for basic chivalry. I dont think she will necessarily be turning people off stating that she wants someone who is capable of paying for a date. But I think it depends on what else is in the profile too.... She could even preface the sentence about paying with "based on some of the experiences I have had so far....." or " Even though I dont mind going dutch or treating someone if the occasion fits..."
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
In reply to: cutefont
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 8:50am

Or maybe say, "has good manners"? Though that might sound judgmental, too. I am seeing someone who always pays (even though he really doesn't have the extra money), opens doors, etc. and when I tell him he doesn't have to do that, he replies that he just thinks it's the right thing to do.

I think that even if YOU can pay for the date, I do agree that if HE doesn't have any money for a first date, that is a huge red flag. We aren't 15 anymore, after all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
In reply to: cutefont
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 8:56am
Hey cutefont I wonder whether you could combine some ideas with the statement to soften it but still get your point across and help you weed. How about stating that you are interested in a man who understands the charm of chivalry while seeking a real partner -or something like that. This way you are intimating that you have no problem being equals but just that you feel strongly ( as I do too!) about the idea someone being fine with...heck even pleased to pay for dinner on a date.
Again I just have to say it - its a dinner, not a plane ticket. Their reluctance and that guy's reaction to you just burns me!
Lilypie - Personal picture

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