Older Woman, Younger Men

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2005
Older Woman, Younger Men
19
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 7:24am
About 2-1/2 months ago met a great man at the airport while taking my daughter to Vegas for her 21st birthday - turned out he lived in my town. Anyway, long story short, we started dating about a week after trip to Vegas and all seems to be going well. He's 9-1/2 years younger than me, has no kids and has never been married. He and I get along great and relationship is a good one. Sex is okay... not great but I'm okay with that. The personality differences are there but definitely not a big deal at all. My biggest problem with the relationship is getting used to the age difference on my end. He has absolutely no problem with it. Has anyone on the boards here experienced this?? This is my first relationship with a younger man and I am crazy about him. Any suggestions appreciated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2005
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 2:31pm
Well, the train crashed - I rode it as long as I could. He being 9 years younger than me wanted the "white picket fence" in his life. Marriage and children. Since my daughter is 21 and a senior at college there was no way was going back to that again. We got along great but we are at different places in our lives. The breakup was done by him. I wish I could hate him but I can't - he's a wonderful person. He deserves to live out his dream if he can. My friends who know him don't think he will find it and right now I am secretly hoping he won't but that's because I am upset. He really deserves good things in his life and we broke up on good terms so that's a good thing. But I miss him a lot. Now my girlfriends have made me go on jdate.com. I actually met one nice man on the website and we're going out to brunch this weekend it appears. Have to get out there and get back on the train. Oh well.... life goes on!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 8:04pm

Oh dear - that is a bummer and hard to go through - but I guess better that you figured out now you both don't want the same things.

It is great that you have a date already for this weekend, though! Tell us more!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2005
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 1:15pm
Well, I went out with a man who I met on jdate.com. He was very nice and we got along very well. He has two children, ages 13 and 16, and is 52 years old. He doesn't want more children so we are very much on the same page in our lives. I still do miss Mike and it's hard to stop caring about him overnight. However, the sex was never good and after being celibate for 4 years and waiting so long for the right person to come along it was a major disappointment for me. It never really got better - it was mediocre at best. I harbor no bad feelings towards him but as my friend said to me, he honestly doesn't think he's going to find what he's looking for. He's very hard to dismiss because he reads people incredibly well and in the 5 years I know him he hasn't been wrong. His wife, who is my best friend, agrees with him. So although I continue to heal and have been back at my shrink you can also be sure this too shall pass and I find these boards are very supportive. The new guy I met is a real "mensch". However, I am going to take this very slow as not to go from the frying pan into the fire.
Thanks to all of you!!!
Meesh
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 1:57pm

Meesh:

Sorry to hear about the younger man. It is hard to find nice men, but you will again. For what it's worth, I sometimes think it's easier to stop thinking about an ex-boyfriend if you meet another man -- then you focus on the new man and forget about the old. That's what I'm trying to do, but no luck so far. However, going out and having fun, even if it is with friends, does help take your mind off of things (which I have been doing). Good luck to you with this new guy, and let us know how it goes. Sorry to be stupid, but what's a "mensch"?

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2005
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 12:43pm
Hi Donna
Yes, it is hard to find nice men these days. This new guy calls and text messages me. He sent me a message that he's crazy about me. It is flattering but I am moving slowly and with the help of my therapist who I saw last night (and who's so proud of me for going on a date) I am healing faster than I thought. Time has a way of lessening pain as well as joy she says. As I said earlier I am going to move slowly on this new guy just for the simple reason of protecting my emotions. I still see him online at jdate.com so I am being cautious. It is just a fluke that I got lucky and went out with someone. I usually have rotten luck!!! We will see how is all progresses of time which tells all. And an FYI for you... a mensch is a jewish word for a good classy guy. You're not stupid, many people wouldn't know what the word means.
Meesh
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 3:10pm

The younger guy you dated doesn't really want the "white picket fence" scenario. He said that to get out of the relationship. If you wanted to get married and have babies, he would have told you that's not what he wants in life right now and he couldn't give you that.

Guys have a knack for saying whatever sounds plausible to get out of a relationship.

Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 8:59pm

Hi Meesh,


Well, you can't argue about having a "mensch" - I like that term and the idea of finding one. It sounds like you are on the right track - keep us posted.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2005
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 1:16pm
Hi
Nah... he really does want the white picket fence and he told me from day one as well. I also told him from day one that I didn't want to have more children being that I have a 21 year old. I just wanted to be clear on that. We really did part on good terms and I wish him well. Had I been 10 years younger and wanting to have children we'd still be together and we both knew it. What I've learned through this is that there are really nice honorable men out there - you just have to look hard!!! Meantime, the new guy I met on jdate keeps text messaging me.... taking that slow because I don't believe in going from "the frying pan to the fire"!
Meesh
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 11-04-2005 - 7:08pm
Just had to reply about your comment about hurting his ego. I love it when a women takes control. I sometimes get tired of having to always take control. You might want to talk to him about it as a mature couple and work on it instead of pushing it under the table. If you and him are both mature about it you will be able to openly talk about the issues. Maybe he feels like he has to perform at a certain level and anxiety interferes.

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