OMG is he hinting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
OMG is he hinting?
17
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 1:25pm
I dont think he is hinting at something that could happen this week or even next month but my God, my guy is throwing things out about marriage out a lot. He had this whole speech last week that came out of nowhere on our way to the grocery store about how his feelings about marriage have changed a bit and how he knows we already have everything but of course he still wants to but he doesnt have religion in his life and wouldnt feel a church would be right and he isnt in any rush and and and and I just sat there dumbfounded. I asked him if he was trying to tell me something or whether he had just decided that eventually marrying wasnt necessary. He said that wasnt the case -he was just thinking out loud...OOOOKAY. So I told him it was true I did have fear about marriage but I did see us getting married eventually and that we already had more of a marriage than I EVER had with my ex. He smiled at that. I wondered about stuff after we talked but kept quiet about it - felt it was best to just let it drop. I want him to feel comfortable just thinking out loud about it and like that he feels this way.
So today we are coming home from the gym and we stop to get food for dinner at the market and he starts calling me Mrs. P. I didnt even understand him at first. It actually took me a second or two to put two and two together and know that his last name started with P. Yeah I know - pretty lame - maybe I got my heart rate up too high at the gym today! He was being very affectionate when he said it and then it clicked and so I just smiled at him and I said "awwww now why are you going to go and call me that? " and he said he was just trying it out and I'll have to get used to it one day.
I am tempted to bring it up with him again today to see what the f his timeline is in his head. Can you tell I am freaking out a bit? I just didnt see that coming. He has had such a rough year and I DO want to get engaged but I am not ready to walk down the aisle. Does that sound weird? I know it would be a good example to set for my son too to show him we are making a public commitment that everyone can see and understand but I dont want to do it for those reasons alone.
Ugh. I am excited and scared all at the same time...oh and sore from the gym. And I start weight training tomorrow.
My mind is just racing over here. He just made me a smoothie in a crystal pitcher btw - wth? That just scares me more. Good thing he cant read what I am writing over here! He would probably just laugh though...
Lilypie - Personal picture

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 1:33pm

Your post just radiates excitement!

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 1:41pm
I would be open to a long engagement and by long I mean more than a year. I love the idea of making the commitment through engagement and taking our time planning how we want to have a ceremony of some sort - I am in no rush and neither is he as far as I know!! He has really surprised me with all of this. I am excited but I am also scared. I just wasnt expecting it and honestly had just gotten used to us all being in one house and it is truly a tight fit. I doubt he will pop anything soon - I think he might just be testing the waters a bit. We do have a wonderful relationship for sure - always have. I feel very lucky to have found him when I did and I think he feels the same. And my son adores him. In fact everyone does. He is one of those people who makes it near impossible to not like them. Very open and genuine and caring - we make friends everywhere we go because of him. Is it normal that I dont feel like I might have in my twenties chomping at the bit for a ring? I am excited but I dont want ANYTHING to change over here either. I love it just the way it is! I know I am probably not making any sense...
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 2:03pm

WOW--I know that the discussion is pretty nerve raking for you but it has to be exciting all the same!!

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 2:35pm

I think it's great - he's totally keeping you on your toes! LOL!!!


Just keep in mind how you would like things to move forward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 2:51pm

I have a feeling that that nervous feeling you are experiencing is perfectly normal especially after having gone through a marriage that didn't work out.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 2:59pm
Yes, he does LOVE to keep me on my toes and I love it. It does seem like he knows when my guard is down and then he flashes something at me and blows my mind. He is very "cheeky" as the Brits say:)
I do think it is great also. I have no idea what this means in terms of where is head is on the timing of it all but it looks like the subject is open and a bit up for grabs. I have had to fight off the urge to tie him to the chair and ask what in the world he is thinking about EXACTLY. I am a bit of a control freak maybe? not normally but in this case I would rather be in on what his head and heart are asking him to do. I thought I had an idea but obviously that pretty head of his has been ticking away while I wasnt looking.
I guess I figured we were a year or so away from this moment. HA! I am very smiley about it - just have some twitters to work out
Thanks for your positive wishes - I'll take every last one!!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 3:01pm
Thanks so much. I think I just need to breathe! I really am happy about it and am grinning a lot but the jitters will need time to work through.
I think you put it exactly right. In some ways, I have my life very set up right now. He on the other hand is still ironing some stuff out because of our age difference. But he is great, productive, loving and just all around wonderful. I should have learned by now that I just never quite know what is going on inside his mind!! I love that about him though...truly....
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 3:59pm

Oh wow. Well, from what you have written about him - he sounds wonderful - and he must be into you if he is saying all that. Maybe the answer is a long engagement and discussion over your fears and both of your expectations. Knowledge and communication are power of course.

Keep us posted!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 4:02pm

Oh that is exciting!


He sounds so great- and yes it sounds like a hint- or a tthe very least he's testing the waters, gauging how you feel and how ready you are or are not. I take that as a great sign that he thinks of you as The One and he is conscious of how and when things will progress.


I am happy that you have this great guy who is obviously thinking very highly of you and your realtionship!


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 6:17pm
I am happy now as I think about it. As the day goes on I become less scared and more fascinated by the idea of it all. The fact is we are perfect for one another and him moving in was a planned step I guess toward us possibly being married eventually. But here is the background. In the beginning I told him my opinion was that we would be fairly untraditional in the sense that I wasnt sure I wanted to get married again but he definitely did. So that if we lived together and he wanted to make it official beyond what our hearts already knew, it would be me responding to his need and desires if I took that step with him and not the typical girl hoping and waiting for the ring scenario. To me, living together and him being in my son's life are a forever commitment. SYB knows this. I hadnt introduced anyone in 7 years to my son so this was a huge deal and he knew that too. Since he hadnt talked about marriage or engagement at all in months, I assumed he was happy as I am with what we have and was questioning the need to get married if anything. Secretly ( and I know this is ridiculous) I had started thinking about maybe wanting to do a commitment ceremony of some sort down the line and wondering if he would laugh if I asked him since I was always the one that already had what she wanted. As our love has grown and I have seen him with my son I guess I have embraced different parts of myself and have started to accept that I am not just this eccentric artistic woman who cant be in a traditional marriage. I felt such failure when my marriage ended. I now have this urge to try and create the marriage that I should have had to start with. One with equality and flexibility and passion and love and more children somehow. I think I had given up on that part of myself when my marriage to DS's Dad crashed. I figured I wasnt cut out for it. But here we are all living together and happy and loving each other. I was reevaluating quietly and then now he throws me these hints out of nowhere. It is quite exciting the more I think about it. Kind of like wondering whether you really could take another try at having it all?
Its been a wacky and wonderful day over here....
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