OMG, i am freaking out - Calm me down ..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
OMG, i am freaking out - Calm me down ..
13
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 1:02pm

please. I was just awakened by a VM from X. FURIOUS, saying (w/ expletives) how "screwed I am, get my atty ready", etc. He said "I finally talked to that doctor & I have an appt to see him next Thurs, but YOU ARE SCREWED, He said he NEVER EVER said to hold visitation - And you have been telling him I am abusing Averey, you are in SO MUCH TROUBLE ..."


Ok - so, yes, i immedietly just called the doc & left a VM to please call me - w/o trying to sound hysterical. Then i went back to my documentation. I stopped visitation on Monday the Oct 1st & had left the psyc a voice mail to call me. He called back on Wed Oct 3rd. I told him everything going on & I said "I havent been allowing him visitation, but its not court ordered". HIS EXACT WORDS were: "I would continue to not allow him visitation at this point - that will force his hand, either he will take you to court & he will be called on his contempt charges that he never came to see me, or, he will make an appt & come see me".

Photobucket

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 1:39pm

The thing is that up to a month ago you had been providing visitation. And you have a lot of documentation where you tried to get him to the counselor and he refused to go. And bundles MORE documentation on his mental instability - with throwing him out of the house, the non-shows at court, the refusal to take the classes, documentation of his behavior and witnesses at school and on and on and you are now seeing the services of the counselor. I think that the further he gets into this the more it will cost and the more hassle he will find and then he won't follow through. I think right now he is blowing steam. DO NOT Answer him!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But as you said in your last report, isn't there a better attorney who is more experienced with alcohol abuse? I think you need to get this one hired and to keep updating the counselor. Just be ready. And be careful.

DEEP BREATHS. Your ducks are in a row.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 1:48pm

Yes, thanks. Youre right. I guess I am terrified that this was my ace in the hole, the psyc backing me - what if he doesnt & *I* look like a liar????


& God NO, I am not answering him. I already had decided THAT last nite,

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 2:07pm

Ok, Im sorry I was FREAKING.


Dr. K. called me back. He said he did not go into detail with X, but he told him that he "advised Rebecca that he wasnt being compliant with the court order & that he as being abusive to Averey & that I should speak with my counsel about it" - he didnt come out & ADMIT that he said to continue stopping visitation, in so many words - but i said to him "He is accusing me of lying, that you didnt say that i should continue to hold visitation "if it was that bad & unsafe for her" & he replied "Dont worry about it, I will speak with T (X's atty) myself about this".

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 2:17pm

Oh wow - ok - then keep the attorney you have now.

The thing is that you have had to set big boundaries and consequences with him regarding his behavior. You had to throw him out of the house, file for divorce and now you are basically saying he cannot be unsafe with your daughter. YOu didn't expect him to bake you cookies and thank you for this . It $ucks to set boundaries but it is necessary and now you have to withstand his ranting and raving while he gets used to them. He has a huge trail of BS behind him from his usual ways - and will continue to do so. I think he is his own worst enemy - the judge will see through him. And you have a paper trail a mile high to justify what you did - any mom would do that.

All you can do now is stay away and be ready to respond to whatever crap he deals out. If he does at all.

I would not take Avery there - he has to pick her up and drop her off and stick to the schedule. But only if the psych clears him.

You might leave instructions and a good lock for the nanny while you are at work. Or maybe you can have her stay at the nanny's house and no one knows of that? Just one thought.....




Edited 10/26/2007 2:27 pm ET by cl-west1745
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 2:51pm

I'm so glad the psych called you. Just from your posts your X was probably feeding you another line of bull, IMO trying to scare you. Hold your ground and stick with your attorney. I work for an attorney and I think you are VERY fortunate that he is working with you on the fee situation. These kinds of cases can really rack up a fee but they are very time consuming when one of the parties is not being rational. It will be fortunate for you if your X has an attorney so your attorney has someone rational to deal with. The first thing your X's attorney will ask him is if he had complied with the Court order and he has to say no, and you have solid proof that, not until today has your X made an appointment. Not seeing Avery has forced him to do so.

Keep your cool girlee!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 5:49pm

You will be fine.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 9:01am
Emma - t hank you, thats SO good to hear coming from someone who works for an atty. I know I am lucky. He literally saved me about 13K so far. He is $350/hr & considered the "top RI divorce

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 9:05am

Wanted to let you know - there IS a visitation shcedule set by the courts. Every ovenrite WED & every other weekend, Fri - Mon.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 10:44am

Well, I agree that when visitation starts again you should stick to the schedule and that's it.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 1:15pm
I agree with you and Alison about the schedule. He gets to see her on the schedule and he should be part of dropping off and picking up - as long as you trust his driving. No more going out of your way to please him.

Pages