OMG - I am SO upset

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
OMG - I am SO upset
28
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 7:12pm

*** I updated at the end of this thread - please read ***


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 7:33pm

OMG. I don't know what to say. That did happen to me once and the guy turned out to be too new divorced and unsettled and our relationship - if you could even call it that - was more about sex for him with no strings - and he ended up going back to his exwife. UGH.

Okay. This is NOT about you - it is about him. There is something somewhere in him that does not want to commit to one person - chances are he felt he was going too far/fast with you somehow? Is he newly divorced or still separated?

The bad news is this makes you feel like crap when you really shouldn't feel that way about yourself because there is nothing wrong with you.

The good news is you didn't spend too much time with him and can move on to someone better.

Keep us posted, okay. I don't think you should send any rash emails right now because it is not going to change him or what is wrong with him or what he did. It is only going to make you look desperate. Write a letter and post it here or save and delete.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2007
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 7:40pm

Ok - what I'm thinking of saying is something really simple to the effect of "this is really not working out. Have a great life".


Which takes away the "I'm stalking you aspect" .

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 8:46pm

Lisa, write whatever you want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 9:10pm
THIS is hard to do. But a very good strategy indeed!!!
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 9:36pm
I've been told and I'm not sure, but I have been told that if you have match.com messages show up in your inbox and you open them up, it automatically generates BACK to match.com show that you were active, even if you didn't log in. Sooo, I don't know if this is true or not, but it might make sense. Because I've responded to match.com through my email. So opening an email might do that. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion just yet, but first do a little more research if that is the case or not. One way of finding out: Change your profile name to something else, make sure you are invisible and then keep checking and if you actually see him ONLINE then you know! The only strange thing is why hasn't be blocked his profile for you not to see it? I had a guy do that with me, but I was smart enough to change my profile name and snagged him online. Needless to say, it was over. Good luck darling!
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 10:33pm

First, remember to breath and focus on being kind to yourself.

OK, so the facts are Match shows he’s been on the site within 24 hrs and…???
So you are ready to end the four plus month relationship based solely on THAT?!! Now if I were in your shoes and I really think the guy is a quality guy then I would … OMG… check in with him! In other words, COMMUNICATE.

OR you can go into your head and make up stories on him being this cheating, lying SOB and get validation from your girlfriends and others.

Oh BTW, I still check out dating websites (profile is hidden) even though I am seeing this amazing woman whom I believe we are meant to be together spiritually. I am monogamous, not looking to date any others, and am totally committed to our relationship. Why do I check out OLD sites you ask? Boredom, habit, to see if I recognize anybody…. Does it matter?

Mark who does not believe in assuming things (as my kids tell me, You know when you ASSUME? It makes an a^^ out of you not me.)

May your soul be at rest.

May your heart remain open.

May you realize your own true nature.

May you be healed.

May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer




Edited 2/8/2008 11:05 pm ET by mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 10:45pm

I wouldn't throw out a four month relationship based on whether he's been active or not.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 4:44am

I agree, don't make a rash decision--what if he did get an email or a wink and just wanted to log in and send a message letting the other person know that he had found someone so they weren't waiting to hear from him.

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 6:44am

Kat is right if you check your mail from your regular email account that happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Sat, 02-09-2008 - 9:39am

Alison gave a wonderful suggestion and I personally would follow her lead. As Mark also said, COMMUNICATE. I wouldn't throw away four months just yet. Then if his communication is not satisfactory for you, follow Soonee's lead and definitely spit on your monitor.

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