Omg, I'm shaking as I type this!!!

Avatar for eponine365
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Omg, I'm shaking as I type this!!!
18
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 4:53am

Omg, I want to cry... I'm freaking out so much. (its a good freakout!)


Ok,
Back in 1993 I was in Florida on vacation and for the first and only time ever in my life I made eye contact with a man and saw fireworks. We started talking and his english accent made me melt. We spent the entire week together, until we both had to go home. For the next almost 7 years we would email and call back and forth, of course moving on and living our lives. We were young and totally smitten with eachother, but neither of us were willing to take the plunge and move to another country just based off one week. We were crazy about eachother, but not stupid!


We both continued on with our lives.. he got married, and once I got got married we decided to cut contact. I've tried to find him several times, and I just for some ungodly reason typed his name into face book and there he was. A face I totally didn't even recognize! He in no way looks anything like he used to, and darn if he isn't still married. LOL.. shame on me for wishing a divorce on someone haha.


I sent him a msg, and got one back.. we're both in wow mode trying to catch up right now. Holy cow I can't sleep!

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."

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Avatar for eponine365
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 07-15-2008 - 8:14am

Well, the blast from the past and I talked about our marriages via some emails last night while I was at work. (early morning for him over in the UK). He of course apologized and was shocked at how bad my marriage was. He also made it very clear and I quote that he's in "crazy silly love" with his wife.


I think thats why I was so crazy about him though. He was the type to just be in crazy silly love with not a care in the world. He would go to tell me a story, and get so excited and animated as he told it. Right as he would get to the punch line of a story or joke he would put his hand on the back of my head, pull us close where or forheads were touching and just laugh and laugh. He was so silly and quirky.. I loved that. Thats unfortunatly the blueprint I follow. I love carefree

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Tue, 07-15-2008 - 8:41am

Loony, if a man had written this about his wife, we would be blasting him as a superficial pig!

Avatar for eponine365
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 3:17pm

Lol poor Roo, and his little balding head! hehe


Well, I had to give an update here, because its all very sweet and sad.


We've been catching up and all, and today we talked through our headsets using skype. It was so funny listening to him again and his little excitable stories. I've just never been around someone that gets so excited over the littlest things haha. Cracks me up.


Anyway, we were talking about some old times and it came up... having to talk about us finding eachother again. He said "You know Michelle, after all these years I still do fancy you. Kind of a bit tragic really. I'm so happily married, and I'd never change that, but I still fancy you. You think that there's only one person in your life you're supposed to love.. but then this! Can we just love eachother forever as friends?"


Then he also told me that he's going to tell his wife that he's caught up with me! I'm like oh lordy. At least he's being honest and trying to do the right thing. However its difficult hearing a married man saying those things. I don't know how I'd respond if my husband in my happy marriage came to me that he is catching up with an old flame. In response I told him that I'm not back to pry for his attentions from his wife, I'd never ever do that, and I would be very upset if that happened in any way. I also told him that he's just one of those rare and wonderful people that touched my life and made a mark. I told him that I'm just happy that he's back in any way. I'm happy that I can reach out and send him an email when I need to and such. Then I made a joke that he can just clone himself and we'll all live happily ever after LOL.. shame on me I know.


I'm having a hard time with this now though. I feel like saying "loving eachother forever as friends" is still out of line. I'm just trying to grasp what is normal and ok in this situation. I will forever and ever love this man (even if he aged poorly lol) but I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror and sleep at night.. ya know?


Blah blah blah! I'm not moving to England, I'm not sending provacative pictures or flirting.. I'm just enjoying the whole friend part again. Is this bad? I need validating here.. someone help me sleep tonight! LOL

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 7:40pm

i think you should think about what that line looks like.. draw it out... like you said no provocative pictures, don't talk about sex, ... no flirting (sounds like you've flirted

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 9:17pm

I think an emotional affair can be just as damaging to a marriage

Avatar for eponine365
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 9:28pm

L- He talks very fondly of his wife, he loves her madly. So thats good.


I've always believed that the definition of cheating is putting attentions towards anyone other than your spouse. I think even though I said I wasn't back to play for attention, I am without realizing it. So, agreeing here I need to step way way way back. The line about competing with a fantasy was so true. Its not fair to a good wife, and a good marriage.


"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 11:37pm

You're a class act, Eponine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 07-19-2008 - 10:27am
I agree w/ what Soonee said, & your response.

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