OMG you guys. S-T-R-E-S-S! (Taz)
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| Mon, 05-05-2008 - 10:54pm |
Holy Moly - he totally TOTALLY lost it tonite.
So much for the progress he APPEARED to be making. We had the scheduled family meeting w/ the doc today. He was fine at 1st, then Ave asked me to give him the pics from the dance of them. They were in a full pack of pics in my purse - i gladly pulled them out & sifted thru for a second, pulling out the 2 pics of them. He immedietly INSISTED on seeing all the other pics. Asking, accusing, what they were, why i was "sneakily hiding them", etc etc. He began to REALLY escalate about it as I refused to show him them (they happened to be family portraits of Ave & I with the dogs, which i wouldnt ever WANT to show him, b/c it would 1. break his heart & 2. throw him over the edge). At one point while he was arguing with me to see them, Ave picked up his phone to see it & he SCREAMED (i mean SO loudly) "Put the Fing thing DOWN NOW!"


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Dang... nothing to say but sending you love and hugs.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
Oh Rlch- that is such a step back. But in a way I think we were all expecting it - because he was so nice and it was like how can you go from being how you were to this nice.
Being the ridiculous optimist that I am, I do see a few good things though. I mean, don't get me wrong - I do feel your stress and know that I would be flipping out too. So I do validate your feelings of anger and fear about the visitation thing. But I do see good things and wanted to point them out to help calm your nerves.
1) that he flipped out in front of the doctor - in a way this was sort of like a lucky break - I feel it paints and accurate picture and you have clearly showed good faith and effort to get him to get better for Avery not just withheld visitation and this is even when he has not paid you CS - I do believe the court would look favorably on your situation and this is what you need.
2) the doc can see the affect this has on Avery and she is not some young dumb little thing that has not had any pain from this - she has had pain and has issues and has made these known - which I also believe is a good thing that she can verbalize to him her feelings. I know she is upset and that is so sad what she has had to go through but to me with your case and reading all the stories this is a huge breakthrough to help you get supervised visitation and more help for Taz and help for her too.
3) the timing - I mean how lucky can you be that he did this right before the court date.
4) that he would openly admit his reasons for his pain and that he is coming there to try to get better
I have a good feeling. I hope that somehow you can get your mind off of this for a bit so you can come back to it fresh for court.
Don't give up - you have come a long way. I guess the only thing I would add is that I never hear mention of the doc realizing that he has an alcohol problem. Is the doc addressing that as well? I hope you bring it up again in your visit to him. I think you are very wise to get visits to him for yourself and for Avery.
Hugss I feel bad for all of you again.. Even Taz. It is good that Avery can express her feelings. It does sound like breakup was very emotional for Taz and he is having hard time accepting it- even if he was responsible for most part of it. Seems like he has a big ego too.
I was wondering : Are you able to treat him/talk to him just like you talk to a third person. Like for instance, if someone else asked for all the pictures you might have gladly shown it. right? So in someways, you may also stop giving him any special treatment ( good or bad) and let him feel good or bad about it. That is his responsibility. I am not sure if I am making it clear. May be you are also trying to protect his feelings (like Ave)? Stop doing that. If he is trying to change that is great and meanwhile you can be just neutral and treat him very neutral..Always try and think he is soemone else sitting there.
I think he is trying hard to change but he simply is not able to let go and feel good.
I heard about this place where peopel who have any kind of issues with feeling peaceful can go and benefit
http://www.dhamma.org/en/schedules/schdhara.shtml
I heard that you cant carry anything cell phone or lapton or anything and it is meditation and I think you cant even talk for 10 days.
Do you think Taz should go for something like this? It is free. May be you can have the doc recoomend some meditation or therapy for him to heal.
Here is atypical course details
http://web3.dhamma.org/cgi-bin/pforms/1.2/appform?venue=dhara&course=2740&lang=en
I really feel for you. I can only imagine how upsetting it is {{{hugs}}}
CL of
~ Aussie & Kiwi Mums ~
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Tracy
OMG R... Taz is still his usual self, isn't he!?? Although he's been "nice" for awhile... that old self is still lurking under there. I'm just glad that it came out THEN, in front of the psych- and not at Ave's communion! At least he was able to stay nice so it didn't ruin the event for her!
Now as for this episode- I agree with Judy, and I hope now the court will know (through the psych) just how Taz can be. How angry he can be toward Ave, when it's YOU he is angry at. He just lashes out at whoever is around!
I agree with what Dance said too- to start treating him like just any other person. Don't try to keep protecting him or act in reaction to what his reactions might be. I did that with my ex for awhile- responding to him in ways (that are not ME)- just to try to keep the peace. I know- the NON-PEACE is bad and no one wants to start that fire... but to keep walking on eggshells and protecting his feelings, it's not allowing yourself to become free of him. He still has all the control- even if he is oblivious to it. He is going to get mad at something anyway- no matter WHAT you do. So just do what you want to do that is appropriate for the situation- not what you think will protect him from feeling hurt.
It was a HUGE step away for me when I realized that with my ex. His feelings are no longer my responsibility.
Hugs, R... and major hugs to Averey, too.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Im so sorry for both of you (((HUGS)))
M
Nothing new to add, just sending (((((hugs))))) to you and Ave.
~b~
I hope this helps everything turn in the right direction in court. I honestly cant see how it wouldnt. He really blew it in front of the absolute wrong people this time and that shows a lot...
HUGS HUGS and more HUGS
"He really blew it in front of the absolute wrong people this time and that shows a lot"
YES YES YES - and that is really lucky here. Because he could be snakey and be so so nice in front of the psych and then bad in private. But he is consistently bad - which helps her case in a weird way. At least there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel....
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