One bit of advice please moody and crew

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2006
One bit of advice please moody and crew
4
Mon, 05-01-2006 - 10:30pm

So i've decided against giving that card to her moody because it reiterates things that are quite obvious from what I have told her. I guess now I am just trying to find out what is best for me and her both.

Obviously treating her like a GF was a horrible idea and then telling her contradicting things made everything even worse. So now, as it was probably obvious to all of you, I am in a bind that I and NOONE else got me into. Its been my own doing.

What do I do? Do I avoid her like the plague? I mean, I can't contact her that would be inappropriate no matter what level. I don't want to visit her office because she might think I am trying to continue on the same path. I told her I would go to her going away party but now I have second thoughts. Not that I want to be a jerk, its just that I don't want to send the wrong msg. Do I call her in three months when the summer is over? I figure by avoiding her two things can happen. First, and perhaps most unlikely she thinks I am avoiding her and that I am a jerk. Second, she doesn't see me and decides to contact me (not for relationship) as a friend. Third, we have no further contact and we are both better off. She won't have to deal with me and I in turn have already started working on me by forgetting her. Maybe not the things I learned but just the thought of her. These are all extremely difficult by the way.

Is avoiding her going to be seen as immature and cowardly? I could just make a brief appearance at the party, say hello, and tell her I have other engagements so I have to go. Of course show up with a smile and put on the greatest act in the world while I feel like I am being punched in the gut. I just want to do the "right" thing...if there is such a thing.

ACES

By the way, if she contacts me between now and then...I WILL have another posting to ask what to do...hey, I might even take some advice unlike the last 2 weeks apparently.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 12:25am

Aces,


I think a note could be ok, if you keep it short and to the point, not what you had mentioned before about her bringing out the best in you, and all that.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 8:52am

Why don't you wait and see how you feel the day of the party. If you can go and wish her all the best and not worry about your feelings or the future it could be good for you to go and wish her well. But if you are too stressed about it then you should not go.

Always keep a bridge open if you can - don't feel bad about your feelings for her in the past - you liked her - and most of us cannot always control who we like - but once you realize the other person does not want the same thing then you have to control your feelings and get over them. This will be easier for you when she is gone.

I think the right thing is to smile and not say much more and wish her well when you see her. But don't go out of your way to try to get her or to try to avoid her. I hope that makes sense.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 2:59pm

Aces, be her friend. That's what she's said she wants, that's what she probably needs right now.

If you can't be her her friend, and it would be totally understandable if you couldn't (I'm not sure I could, in your situation), don't go to her party.

Don't call her. Don't send the card, unless you're sending it as a friend. Don't contact her in three months, out of the blue. Don't initiate anything with her, unless you're totally, in your deepest heart of hearts doing it as a friend. Only you will know. And I think you know you will always want more.

But, you might suprise yourself and eventually move on and really only want nothing more from her than a friendship.

I think what sucks about this whole situation is the fact that you were forward and honest about your feelings, and while she didn't really lead you on, she didn't come right out and tell you, at least for a while, how she felt and what she wanted. She didn't lead you on, but you got your hopes up, and boy, do I ever know how that feels!

People can be confusing- you're straightforward about the way you feel, and either she isn't, or she just didn't know, or didn't want to hurt your feelings, or whatever, but it can be such a pain sometimes, in so many ways.

Anyway, Aces, believe it or not, you can and will move on from this and meet someone new when you're ready. You can also stay here and post with us, I for one was happy to have a guy's point of view to think about- it was sort of refreshing to think that at least one guy out there thinks about relationships, and not just sex.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 10:19pm

"But don't just drop off the face of the planet, she needs to know you're not going to be awkward about things, or SHE'S going to feel awkward."

I absolutely agree with this. And everyone else's advice was awesome, too.

Go to the party Aces!

:)
--snow