The one that got away

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
The one that got away
14
Wed, 12-31-2008 - 12:59pm

A few weeks ago I posted about a guy who I had dated shortly after my divorce.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 12-31-2008 - 1:35pm

I think your instincts to back completely away and wait for the dust to settle are good. Divorce is very difficult and emotional. You don't want to be his crutch, you will regret it later. Let him find a male friend to lean on. Tell him you're sorry about his marriage. I don't even think you should leave the door open to him to come to you post divorce. If this is recent, who knows where it will go. They have broken up before and gotten back together.

My advice is let this one go. I think you will end up hurt or pulled down in the much otherwise.

Priscilla

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-31-2008 - 2:12pm

My take on whenever I hear women talk about not "abandoning" guys or need to hang in a bad relationship because they feel some sort of obligation to take care of them is that somehow we all manage to take care of ourselves regardless if a woman stands by us or not.


I know how sucky it is to be "alone" when going through hard times but somehow I have managed to get through it all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
Wed, 12-31-2008 - 7:15pm
Your in a tough spot right now- I've stood in the same place and it didn't get me the guy. What it did get me was an emotional affair that was yet another thing to get over. The important thing to remember is that if the connection is really there and you two do have that spark, it will be there after he gets through the breakup of his marriage and it will not have the complication of another party involved. In the mean time be friendly, but make it clear where you stand. Your instinct to back away for awhile is a good one- follow your gut!
Debra
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 11:31am
I really felt for you when I read this. So many of us have been where youa re right now and I am included. I really really think that what you decide to do in the next three months will impact your relationship with him forever so please be careful. If you have a awonderful connection with him, remember that that could be a beautiful friendship as well and if you are anything like me, you dont run into sincere connections everyday. Dont risk what could be an important relationship with him romantic or otherwise by moving too fast or not letting the dust COMPLETELY settle. IMO what would be best for both of you is to date other people and keep in contact for a while. If it is meant to be, it will happen. But YOU cannot be the solution to his bad marriage or the answer to all of his emotions right now. You dont want to put yourself in a situation where you question forever how things got started again. For now, I would treasure the friendship and let him work out the rest on his own.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2008
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 5:52am

Neither I nor any of my

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 6:18am
I agree with many of your points (that getting involved more with him would be a mistake, that 5 dates & then breaking up isnt a "freindship" that she needs to feel as if she need has a responsibility to "not abandon him", that its likely this is a bump in his marriage & getting involved with him will hurt her in the end0 - but i dont think it has ANYthing to do with her "self esteem".

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 11:18am
As helpful as you might want to be, and despite the fact that I agree with some of what you wrote, your responses continue to be sanctimonious. How do you know for sure that none of your friends have been in this situation? Why is there the need to tag a self esteem problem on everyone who has experienced something like this? And being in the position she is in doesnt mean she will go forward with him or the opposite. It means she finds herself in this position. She read the email and she responded. So she chose differently than you where you would have deleted. She is looking for support and advice, not judgement. I urge you to read your posts to make sure they arent condescending before sending them. They make them hard to read and receive and there are good points in them.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 11:33am

Thanks everybody for the replies and advice.


Maybe I wasn't as clear as I wanted to be in the first post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2008
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 2:20pm
And I urge you to stop targeting my posts before I report you for stalking.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 4:00pm

Please explain to me how accepting a person's sincere apology and being cordial means I don't think highly of myself.

Pages