Online Dating...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Online Dating...
16
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 10:32am

I'm not sure if any of you guys have went this route? While I'm not looking for anything serious at this point, I still would like to find someone to hang out w/occasionally or at least some friends. However, I've found this avenue sooooo depressing. I've had a profile up at one place for over a year & gotten one date out of it - but he wasn't really my type. I've got one offer for tennis, which I hope to take up soon, but for the most part - it's just depressing to see all of the weirdos and non-potentials in one place! I know it's hard to really get a feel for someone with just a pic & some words, but most of these guys come off totally clueless. In reality, I'm sure that they still represent the population of men from out in the real world as well - ugh.

And if I forgot to mention - I've always been "picky" concerning what I like & what I don't, but it's even worse these days!! I'm sure it's came w/age - maybe I'll loosen up at some point, but I doubt it! lol




Edited 8/5/2010 10:35 am ET by ivill_laurel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2000
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 11:59am

I am one that goes for what I want and so can understand you wanting what you want. With that you have to be patient when it comes to meeting someone. I know my OLD Ad had a lot of what I wanted and didn't want so I knew with that it limited my responses.


If you want to just hang out maybe lighten up on what you are interested in for the sake of meeting people to hang out with. Some people aren't good at writing and going about it in a different way may get you more. Good luck

Marie

Marie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 1:02pm

I've had no limits on who I meet and can tell you I've met MANY guys, and you get one of two things. An offer to do things to them, or the good ones don't seem to call back.


I got married at 19 so I have NO idea where else to meet people.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2010
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 8:08pm
Hmmm why is it that the good ones don't call back?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 10:08am

I had a 3 month

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 10:39am

When I go to an online dating site, I expect to date a woman not to hang out with her as a friend.

There are social groups that are more for that purpose such as MeetUp.com and MeetIn.org plus the usual specialized activity groups that you find around your community, e.g. softball teams, book clubs, etc. There is Craigslist for finding activity partners as well.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 11:38am

I agree - most of the men I've found that have profiles are unattractive - what's up w/that? I thought it was just me having that experience. Not that I consider myself superficial either (I don't go for the drop dead hot types either) but I do know that I also need to be attracted to them. That is part of it, right?? And while at one point I thought - well, maybe if I date someone who is unattractive (or at least less than average) then they would somehow treat me better or be kinder, or somehow more humble - lol. Not necessarily true -sometimes ugly guys are worse! lol- so I don't feel I will settle in that way. Hell - I'm at a point where I don't feel any reason to settle at all in anyway anymore - so that's probably a problem for me as well - lol.

I'm 32 - so I definitely have some time - my aunt suggested I not remarry til after I'm 35, so I'm taking her advice. I also know that there is a large possibility that I will not remarry again anyway. At this point I'm just looking for someone to have a connection w/, some good sex & that I like spending some time with. If I do remarry, it will only be b/c I have found both passion & compatibility. I'm still wondering if that is even possible? In the past I have found only one or the other & neither seemed to work out for me....so. I don't have to have both to be with someone on a lesser scale, but for marriage, I do.

I haven't had the emailing but no contact experience. If I've shared a few exchanges, I want a "meet up" to follow. That's the downside to all of this - it's just a pic & words & it doesn't become real until it's in person & you can really get a feel for someone & their life they live day to day. I think there are in particularly a lot of men who are on there who are already in relationships or who are married who just like the idea of the possibility of being w/someone else & just want conversation etc. who really never have any real intention of actually dating or having a relationship w/someone...so you have to be careful. It's just too easy to put up a profile or entertain stuff when you are just bored. OR - I had one guy who put on his profile that he was "separated", but when I met him - he brought friends w/him & told me later that his wife still had a key to the house.

When you are out & you actually come across someone, b/c of how you meet them - through friends etc. - you really have a better idea of who this person is - unlike w/the online stuff...definitely a downside and what takes the "easy" out of online dating.

On an upside note while I think about it - I do know one couple who met online & who are married & another that met & now live together - so it does happen - I just haven't had any luck thus far. It doesn't hurt to keep your profile up (unless there is a monthly fee I guess) - so I'll continue until I'm in a relationship again - which may be forever. lol




Edited 8/6/2010 11:45 am ET by ivill_laurel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Fri, 08-06-2010 - 11:42am
Yeh - I guess this is true - however, most have specific options for a person's profile such as "friend", "hang-out" to even "marriage" to break it down to specifics. I think those are probably even more helpful b/c there are really a variety of things that people are looking for - and it makes someone really think about what they are looking for which many people really don't know even though they say they do - lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 1:27am
I have one up on match.com...love it other than I am realizing I am far from ready to be dating though I want to meet people...have gotten about 20 emails in the last month went on one date and I dont think he knows hes gay..... LOL try other sites dont pay until you see responses to your profile. Like on Match people can wink without paying. You can put in your profile Just wink havent paid yet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2008
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 6:48pm

hey,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 11:57pm

"At this point I'm just looking for someone to have a connection w/, some good sex & that I like spending some time with. If I do remarry, it will only be b/c I have found both passion & compatibility. I'm still wondering if that is even possible? In the past I have found only one or the other & neither seemed to work out for me....so. I don't have to have both to be with someone on a lesser scale, but for marriage, I do."


I feel the same way. I've pretty given up on the idea of marriage.

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