online...can it be love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
online...can it be love?
18
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 4:41pm
Hey all! Im a separated mom of 2, 34yrs old. I met this guy online and at first, it was just fun, you know, someone to talk to. I wasn't looking for anything, and after what my X did to me, I def didn't want to get involved. BUT, I really like this guy and he loves me, Im sure of it! Yet, we haven't even met. We IM and email and its all lovey dovey, my gut is telling me this one is a keeper, regardless of the stories I hear about the dangers of online dating/meeting someone. Well, I got to talk to his sister....it was strange, but great cause I could get some info on him..lol. She was just as nice as him. It made it all seem more real...him, who he is, how he feels cause of what she was telling me, me and how I feel. I am falling for him head over heels. I know he feels the same way. Btw, we met just this month, never met in person, dont know what he looks like (sis said her gfs want to run away with him and do him) and vice versa, but we have everything in common...and he provides the info first and Im like..OMG..me too! It's really freaky. I just wanted to know if anyone ever had a good experience like what Im having with this guy. Can it be real...is it love...I was in love before, and I feel it...physically, emotionally.
I am soo ready!..lol....and my X...no rebound off him, no way...I haven't loved him for years and years. I have no emotional ties to him, just our divorce isn't final yet, but will be soon. Cant wait, Im having a party!!lol

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 6:29pm

Hi Luvpuppys!


While there are dangers of online dating, just as there are with blind dating and "regular dating", there is another danger of online dating that I want to address.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 8:06pm

We haven't met yet because Im on one coast, he's on the other. Long distance love!..lol..Plus, Im in school right now and need to concentrate on my studies. Even one weekend away is out of the question, I got too much on my plate going to school full time and being a mom of 2 little ones. And we just met 4 weeks ago...I dont feel a rush to go out there or him come here. I wanted to get to know more about him. Its possible he is a nice guy though...isn't it? Everyone cant be a total snake, there must be some good guys out there. Im getting a good vibe from him...and I have talked to some that I just knew were bad news, regardless of how nice they talked. idk...give me your thoughts

LP

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 10:24pm

Well, unless he's got little ones at home, then HE should be the one making the trip, not you.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 11:23pm

Your funny!! Suckin teeth or BO...lmao! Yea, I totally agree on the love thing, I dont want to go there, not until I meet him face to face! And I actually would love to move, I always have....where I live is way too too congested...that was a dead giveway of my location. But anyway, Im not in a rush...I like to take things slowly. I'm hoping for it to work out...he's a puppy..lol. Just wanna kiss em all over..lol. Figuratively speaking.

LP

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 8:29am

HI there. I totally agree with Alison, and trust me, online dating is my standard operating procedure.

While I haven't ever felt that I loved someone I met online, I have felt amazing connections with some of the guys- until we met, or shortly thereafter. It's a semi-anonymous environment, which allows people to behave in a couple of different ways. Either you open up about things you would never say in person so quickly, or you can act like someone else completely.

I don't think he's a creep, necessarily. I don't think there are any more creeps online than there are in real life, since these people are mostly real people too. But what worries me is that you haven't even seen a picture of him- do you talk on the phone or just via IM?

Since traveling right now is not an option I would concentrate on getting to know him, and certainly you can feel whatever you feel about him, but be aware that it could simply be the envronment. Because you're both so far away from each other, because it's anonymous, you may be feeling that he's "safe" to love, and it may not be real. I'm sure it would be completely subconscious, but given the logistics, it makes sense to me, as an outsider.

Whatever you do, please be careful. Whether he's a great man or not, we don't want to see you hurt.

Moody, familiar with online connections


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 9:02am

I would have to agree with Alison that you cannot be in love with someone until you have spent a lot of time with that person in person. Enough time to really see their bad and good points and make a decision that you love them just the way they are. Enough time to build one on one memories.

Right now if you are just finishing a divorce and trying to get back on your feet, you are probably in need of someone to listen to you and just communicate. While it is nice for you to have a pen pal and all this attention, I think you should also keep in mind that you need good social interaction - friends, activities, that will make you feel better about yourself and help you get over the pain of the relationship you just ended and build a new self that you really love.

One thing to consider - and maybe this is or isn't true, but if you are online for hours and hours you are not getting out of the house. Also, you don't know him in person. You don't know his friends or his real life. So what you have is a picture you have painted in your head. It could be true or not true. Being so far away you will never find that out. You will never really know if he is who he paints himself to be.

We have had people here meet nice SOs online - but the ones I've witnessed so far were local, not far away. I think the distance thing just adds one more element of difficulty. It would not be for me. But that is just me. I really want someone here who can have a few meals a week and do some fun stuff. Someone I can get to know and trust on a personal basis. And someone who enjoys doing the same for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 4:35pm
Hey! I would say it is worth a shot. Follow your heart, just tread carefully would be my advice!! I do think we have to learn from past mistakes! I wish you all the best! I hope this guy is all he seems to be right now! Does he know you are a single mom? What was his response to that? Is he a single parent or just single?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 6:31pm

Can it be love? Like real lifelong love? I don't think so. Not this early in the dating/relating game. Not when you haven't even met face-to-face yet.

Can it DEVELOP into love? Real lifelong love? Possibly... but only meeting face-to-face and spending some time together can show you that part. Even if you'd met the man in person just a month or so ago, and have been dating every week... it would still be too early to really know the other person enough to know if it's real lifelong love.

Should you pursue this potential relationship? Only you can answer that one. For me personally, I prefer meeting someone who lives in my own city. I don't like doing LDRs (BTDT) and I'd rather have someone who lives nearby. But other people have had LDRs and gotten them to work out, so I can't say it's a bad move to make.

And speaking of 'move'... that is another whole issue, too. Who moves to which coast? And when? Do you move only once you've worked an LDR awhile (somehow) and figured out that you're truly right for each other? Or do you just make a jump and have one of you move just so you can get to know one another locally?

I just say that you can't know it's LOVE until you've met in person, AND spent a good amount of time together. (and even then, it's still hard to know when what you have is a potentially lifelong type of love or not) It's too easy to fly on infatuation early on in a relationship, and when you haven't even MET yet... then it's too easy for even that infatuation to be based on what might turn out to be fantasy (not real).

Have fun with the cloud-nine-y infatuation fun feelings, but just know that it can't be love until you've met the guy in person, and know what he is REALLY like. (and vice versa)

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 6:43pm
Don't yell at me!! lol...but I haven't told him Im a mom yet. I don't know how to do it without making it like a big deal, but I really dont think it would matter to him. And as far as I know, he's not a dad...but he could be hiding it too?! We're the same age, its possible. I'm just taking this thing one day at a time. I'm not really looking too far into the future, I like to live for today. I like him...he's different...and looks aren't everything, its what's inside that counts more to me. He's is so sweet, I just want to eat him up!! lol And knowing that girls there want to take him and be alone with him...tells me he's not too shabby! Thanks for the positive outlook on my situation. I know there are dangers, but can't I at least hope? I could meet someone at church, and he could turn out to be a psycho, serial, schizo killer?!?! lmao....bad guys can be found anywhere, but so could good guys!! Am I right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 7:12pm
You're right shrimpy. I think its more infatuation and my imagination of a perfect situation. It is a mental image right now...but it could turn out to be the real thing, over lots of time. I wont know that until I get to know him more and meet him. I like the long distance thing, because there is no rush...I dont want to rush, I want to take my time. My X...I rushed, I felt what I was feeling now way back when...and we were together all the time, and I think that was bad, because he satisfied me physically(grant it, I was younger then, my hormones were all crazy and loose)...Im an intellectual person...I love to talk, and just being able to talk to this guy...with nothing physical....I think its ideal for me, especially since my hormones are all crazy and loose again from being in my 'prime'...lol. I dont want the physical aspect of dating, Im not ready for that yet. Talking is what I need...emotional satisfaction, bonding, nurturing conversations....I did not have that with my X. People judge a book by its cover, I like the fact that this guy likes..or loves..or whatever he feels...my personality, he doesn't know what I look like or how attractive I am. Anyway, Im having fun...he makes me happy, for now...I make him happy...nothing too deep...just good conversation. But it feels so darn good! I feel loved...maybe thats just what I need to get through this mess.

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