online...can it be love?
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online...can it be love?
| Sun, 03-25-2007 - 4:41pm |
Hey all! Im a separated mom of 2, 34yrs old. I met this guy online and at first, it was just fun, you know, someone to talk to. I wasn't looking for anything, and after what my X did to me, I def didn't want to get involved. BUT, I really like this guy and he loves me, Im sure of it! Yet, we haven't even met. We IM and email and its all lovey dovey, my gut is telling me this one is a keeper, regardless of the stories I hear about the dangers of online dating/meeting someone. Well, I got to talk to his sister....it was strange, but great cause I could get some info on him..lol. She was just as nice as him. It made it all seem more real...him, who he is, how he feels cause of what she was telling me, me and how I feel. I am falling for him head over heels. I know he feels the same way. Btw, we met just this month, never met in person, dont know what he looks like (sis said her gfs want to run away with him and do him) and vice versa, but we have everything in common...and he provides the info first and Im like..OMG..me too! It's really freaky. I just wanted to know if anyone ever had a good experience like what Im having with this guy. Can it be real...is it love...I was in love before, and I feel it...physically, emotionally.
I am soo ready!..lol....and my X...no rebound off him, no way...I haven't loved him for years and years. I have no emotional ties to him, just our divorce isn't final yet, but will be soon. Cant wait, Im having a party!!lol
I am soo ready!..lol....and my X...no rebound off him, no way...I haven't loved him for years and years. I have no emotional ties to him, just our divorce isn't final yet, but will be soon. Cant wait, Im having a party!!lol

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Hi Luvpuppys!
While there are dangers of online dating, just as there are with blind dating and "regular dating", there is another danger of online dating that I want to address.
We haven't met yet because Im on one coast, he's on the other. Long distance love!..lol..Plus, Im in school right now and need to concentrate on my studies. Even one weekend away is out of the question, I got too much on my plate going to school full time and being a mom of 2 little ones. And we just met 4 weeks ago...I dont feel a rush to go out there or him come here. I wanted to get to know more about him. Its possible he is a nice guy though...isn't it? Everyone cant be a total snake, there must be some good guys out there. Im getting a good vibe from him...and I have talked to some that I just knew were bad news, regardless of how nice they talked. idk...give me your thoughts
LP
Well, unless he's got little ones at home, then HE should be the one making the trip, not you.
Your funny!! Suckin teeth or BO...lmao! Yea, I totally agree on the love thing, I dont want to go there, not until I meet him face to face! And I actually would love to move, I always have....where I live is way too too congested...that was a dead giveway of my location. But anyway, Im not in a rush...I like to take things slowly. I'm hoping for it to work out...he's a puppy..lol. Just wanna kiss em all over..lol. Figuratively speaking.
LP
HI there. I totally agree with Alison, and trust me, online dating is my standard operating procedure.
While I haven't ever felt that I loved someone I met online, I have felt amazing connections with some of the guys- until we met, or shortly thereafter. It's a semi-anonymous environment, which allows people to behave in a couple of different ways. Either you open up about things you would never say in person so quickly, or you can act like someone else completely.
I don't think he's a creep, necessarily. I don't think there are any more creeps online than there are in real life, since these people are mostly real people too. But what worries me is that you haven't even seen a picture of him- do you talk on the phone or just via IM?
Since traveling right now is not an option I would concentrate on getting to know him, and certainly you can feel whatever you feel about him, but be aware that it could simply be the envronment. Because you're both so far away from each other, because it's anonymous, you may be feeling that he's "safe" to love, and it may not be real. I'm sure it would be completely subconscious, but given the logistics, it makes sense to me, as an outsider.
Whatever you do, please be careful. Whether he's a great man or not, we don't want to see you hurt.
Moody, familiar with online connections
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I would have to agree with Alison that you cannot be in love with someone until you have spent a lot of time with that person in person. Enough time to really see their bad and good points and make a decision that you love them just the way they are. Enough time to build one on one memories.
Right now if you are just finishing a divorce and trying to get back on your feet, you are probably in need of someone to listen to you and just communicate. While it is nice for you to have a pen pal and all this attention, I think you should also keep in mind that you need good social interaction - friends, activities, that will make you feel better about yourself and help you get over the pain of the relationship you just ended and build a new self that you really love.
One thing to consider - and maybe this is or isn't true, but if you are online for hours and hours you are not getting out of the house. Also, you don't know him in person. You don't know his friends or his real life. So what you have is a picture you have painted in your head. It could be true or not true. Being so far away you will never find that out. You will never really know if he is who he paints himself to be.
We have had people here meet nice SOs online - but the ones I've witnessed so far were local, not far away. I think the distance thing just adds one more element of difficulty. It would not be for me. But that is just me. I really want someone here who can have a few meals a week and do some fun stuff. Someone I can get to know and trust on a personal basis. And someone who enjoys doing the same for me.
Can it be love? Like real lifelong love? I don't think so. Not this early in the dating/relating game. Not when you haven't even met face-to-face yet.
Can it DEVELOP into love? Real lifelong love? Possibly... but only meeting face-to-face and spending some time together can show you that part. Even if you'd met the man in person just a month or so ago, and have been dating every week... it would still be too early to really know the other person enough to know if it's real lifelong love.
Should you pursue this potential relationship? Only you can answer that one. For me personally, I prefer meeting someone who lives in my own city. I don't like doing LDRs (BTDT) and I'd rather have someone who lives nearby. But other people have had LDRs and gotten them to work out, so I can't say it's a bad move to make.
And speaking of 'move'... that is another whole issue, too. Who moves to which coast? And when? Do you move only once you've worked an LDR awhile (somehow) and figured out that you're truly right for each other? Or do you just make a jump and have one of you move just so you can get to know one another locally?
I just say that you can't know it's LOVE until you've met in person, AND spent a good amount of time together. (and even then, it's still hard to know when what you have is a potentially lifelong type of love or not) It's too easy to fly on infatuation early on in a relationship, and when you haven't even MET yet... then it's too easy for even that infatuation to be based on what might turn out to be fantasy (not real).
Have fun with the cloud-nine-y infatuation fun feelings, but just know that it can't be love until you've met the guy in person, and know what he is REALLY like. (and vice versa)
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
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