online...can it be love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
online...can it be love?
18
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 4:41pm
Hey all! Im a separated mom of 2, 34yrs old. I met this guy online and at first, it was just fun, you know, someone to talk to. I wasn't looking for anything, and after what my X did to me, I def didn't want to get involved. BUT, I really like this guy and he loves me, Im sure of it! Yet, we haven't even met. We IM and email and its all lovey dovey, my gut is telling me this one is a keeper, regardless of the stories I hear about the dangers of online dating/meeting someone. Well, I got to talk to his sister....it was strange, but great cause I could get some info on him..lol. She was just as nice as him. It made it all seem more real...him, who he is, how he feels cause of what she was telling me, me and how I feel. I am falling for him head over heels. I know he feels the same way. Btw, we met just this month, never met in person, dont know what he looks like (sis said her gfs want to run away with him and do him) and vice versa, but we have everything in common...and he provides the info first and Im like..OMG..me too! It's really freaky. I just wanted to know if anyone ever had a good experience like what Im having with this guy. Can it be real...is it love...I was in love before, and I feel it...physically, emotionally.
I am soo ready!..lol....and my X...no rebound off him, no way...I haven't loved him for years and years. I have no emotional ties to him, just our divorce isn't final yet, but will be soon. Cant wait, Im having a party!!lol

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 7:13pm

You are absolutely right! Well I haven't started dating yet and don't know what I'd do about telling a potential partner that I'm a mom! I met my ex online and that turned out to be a disaster so I'm a little weary of it myself!! However, I am introverted and don't do well approaching others, so I don't know what I'm gonna do. ANy suggestions? And all of my friends are still in the party scene! But, as for you, don't worry about it, I'm sure you'll make the right decision. And if this guy is as great as he sounds, your child will just be another blessing!! I wish you all the best! Hey, keep me posted as to what happens!! I'm interested!

Christine

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 8:35pm

Great advice, Shrimps.

I just thought that maybe I should add a few links for our original poster:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rllongdistan/start - that is for long distance relationships

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlcyber/start - and that one is for online dating

We welcome more discussion here for sure - but I thought those might bring some perspective by reading the stories and posts.

We do always say that you should bring up the subject of a child as soon as possible - there are some good threads about that here:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlsolomother&msg=9639.1&ctx=0

That was a good thread at the bottom of this board and I thought you would like it, luvpuppys!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 8:55pm

I'm surprised you haven't told him that you are a Mom yet!!!!!

So how can you say that you think he loves you, when he doesn't even KNOW you? He thinks you are a nice woman, and has no clue that you are a nice MOM, too?? There is NO way that you can say what you have is "love" when he doesn't even know something that major about you and who you are. If he is "in love"... he is 'in love' with a woman he doesn't even know. He doesn't know you as the MOM you are.

Just TELL him. What have you got to lose? There's really no point in trying to start a relationship (LDR or local) where you are hiding something as big as being a parent.

JMHO,

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 4:15am

My opinion? You, & maybe he too, are infatuated with eachother - but you dont even know eachother. 4 weeks of REAL LIFE dating doesnt lend itself to being able to now eachother enough to be "in love".

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 6:01am

I'm seeing the light now. I see what I want to see, but it's not whats really in front of me. Having been severely abused for the past 7yrs of so, total of 13 yrs with my X...he showed no love at all. We barely talked, barely had physical contact unless he was hurting me. Not to mention the emotional badgering. I am seeing something in this guy that I've wanted my whole adult life. It's true...we dont know each other completely, we are getting to know each other still. I think I want to make up for lost time and just say...OMG..this is love..yaay..finally!! Thats my fantasy. True...its not my reality, at least not yet anyway (Im hoping for the best). Miracles can happen. But right now, he's my friend...my 'favorite blanket'...he's soothes my soul like no one else in my life can. Is it okay to have that without any expectations?? I mean, if he makes me feel good about myself, and vice versa...is that okay? I won't expect anything out of this situation than just letting it be what it is now...a friendship. I am a naive person, and too trusting and too honest...yea I know...I didnt tell him about me being a mom, but if he asked, I would tell him the truth, but he hasnt yet. Am I supposed to think of every guy as a jerk, then have him prove me wrong?? That being said...how do you let someone in without having too many walls up?? Wont you just push every potential 'someone special' away?? Is being loved different from feeling loved? I feel loved right now....but no one thinks its love?? Then what is it??

I wouldn't have sex with someone that I met for the first time in person. I waited forever with my X!! I am SCARED to death to have sex with someone else, I feel like a virgin again..lol. I am not to eager to jump in! I know talking to someone online is different from being with someone face to face. I would have to physically be with someone for a long time...so I really have no idea how this friendship is going to work out being a LDR. Never did it before! We can only wait and see what happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 8:20am

Hi,
I think you said in one post that this "feeling loved" is exactly what you need right now. I can understand that, and as long as you keep it in perspective, it seems great.

For your own self-preservation, though, you should not be deluding yourself that what you are feeling is real true love based on a real-life connection. I know it seems like everyone is taking the wind out of your sails, but I think it's easier to see things when you're not involved in the situation, and we can all see that you could be setting yourself up for a big fall if you have too many expectations with this guy.

Of course, everyone is hoping that you are right, and that this works out for you. That is a given. But, honestly, people can pretend to be whoever they want out there in cyber space. What is "he" is a "she" ? What is he is 75 years old, or 15 years old? He is telling you all the right things, but what if it's a clever game? And how would you feel if you decided to meet up and he was physically repulsive to you?

Take care and enjoy this relationship for what it is, but for your own sake, slow it down and keep your head on your shoulders, feet firmly planted, etc. ! If the relationship does go further and everything is great, then everyone will of course be delighted for you - so please keep us posted!

All the best,
Clem xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 5:38pm
That OLD board story takes the cake - thanks for posting that for us. I don't get over there all that often.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 4:44pm

Yea...I do feel bummed out from almost everyone's responses. He makes me feel good....a way that I haven't felt in a long time. I know it can't be love yet, but there could be a potential?!?! a little one. I'm not getting my hopes up, I'm just living in the moment...and if it feels like love, then I say let it be so. I'll deal with whatever else comes along in the future when that plate is put in front of me. Maybe he's just here for me to get through this mess. It is a friendship...and just that, we're not getting married, we haven't gone on a date, we haven't talked about going on one yet, we're just exchanging words and ideas. It's a loving friendship. I want to move on from my X...I don't know if I want to date yet or not...I like having and making new friends. Love can come from friendship.

I have a friend, a guy friend...that I love....and I felt the same way in the beginning about him, as I do with my new guy friend. He's not the most handsome, he has flaws, he has little nuances that are unusual...but I still love him. I think its going to turn out the same with this new guy too. What's inside matters more.

I could explain this until Im blue in the face, but I sense things from people that others don't always pick up on. ok.ok.ok...I know, here's a looney one, but I just do. There are people that I cross paths with, that are super attractive, but without saying a word to me or even looking at me....they end up skeeving the hell out of me, and I'll avoid them at all costs. Same thing goes on online...people can say the sweetest things...but they'll skeeve the hell out of me too.

But OK...I get everyone's message. SLOW down...right?...be CAREFUL....Im gettin it!...Get as MUCH INFO as you can about him, his background...get a pic...get a number...dont get in too deep..too fast...what else???did I miss anything?? O yeah.....Love takes time, a long, long time. Please correct me if Im wrong!

And thank you to all....I know y'all luv me..hehe and are lookin out for me. This is exactly why I posted this. I love the different perspectives, but this one...almost everyone was unanimous. And as much as I need love...we all do, but I may need it most right now...I need to also have a clear mind...which I don't think I quite have. I will be cautious. I will think about and try to follow all of the great advice. I most surely DO NOT..want to make the same mistake twice! I do not need to get hurt anymore!

luv u all!!

LP

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