oscillatory feelings?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
oscillatory feelings?
12
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 9:02am

Hi,

I am a lurker basically.. I wanted to know if anyof you ladies feel your feelings for your SO stronger at times than the others.. I have a past ( no kids)..but I seem to be still hurting from it.. I m not sure if it is the past or hormones ,,but my feelings for my guy seems to be going up and down..This is all for no fault of his..

share your thoughts

Pages

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 9:15am
I think this is completely normal. Sure your past and hormones may be contributing - but the ups and downs of LIFE influence all of our relationships.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 10:40am

I think you should be more worried if your feelings DON'T vascillate a bit during a relationship!

I don't think anyone could sustain a "new relationship high" for very long, and eventually that energy just HAS to come back down again. It doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong with you or him or the relationship- it's just natural that feelings can intensify and calm down again repeatedly. That's just life.

As for the "down" parts... I would watch those more closely though. If it's a "down" feeling resulting from the guy or the relationship not being right for you, then that's not one to ignore. If it's just a lull in the relationship high, then just let it pass- because it will come back up again.

~shrimpy, who's learned over the years to not have expectations of an "ideal relationship" without ups and downs

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 4:54pm

I feel the same way at times. There are times when I just really want to let go and love him, but sometimes I feel like I just can't because I don't want to be hurt. When we're apart I sometimes feel like he should just do whatever jerky guy thing he's going to and get it over with so I can get on with my life.

When we're together we have a good time and have a lot of things in common, and I know him well enough to back off when he's being distant. He always comes around. It's like he knows that I am willing to go away and that life will go on for me if he isn't "into" the relationship, it seems to keep him interested. Also I totally agree that alot of these "down times" are very much hormonally related.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 6:06pm
Well, the past and the hormones can certainly do that to you!! Welcome to our board. The others have great comments here - I can't really think of anything else to add. Only time will tell you - and it is always better to go slow and be careful. Slow and careful are good!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 7:35pm

Thanks all for the reply.

I agree that slow and careful is good.

But it is really hard to go slow.. when he is at arms length.. when we "CAN" meet each night, snuggle and watch movies.

He is great in everyway..only thing that kind of makes me wonder isthe age difference.. not even the number or sexual aspect.. We had to overcome the issue with him not being able to be erect in the beginning..

Now it changed like anything and he is very easily excited.

I am not sure if there is anyone here who is seeing someone 10 + yrs older than themself. He is fit and in great health.. but there are signs of aging like you know when he smiles a lot.. those smile lines.. and some small wrinkles.. I feel shallow thinking about this.. But may be I need to slow down and be sure that this will not bother me AT ALL..

or is it all just hormones..!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 7:47pm
my guy is older by about 10 years and I feel jealous that he has all those signs of aging and would be able to go for younger women and leave me in the dust if he so chose too. It doesn't seem fair that they can age and still be considered a catch. When I'm his age the dating pool will be drying up for me even though I'm fit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 7:54pm

I'm dating someont who is 10 yrs older. I'm 42 and Hiker is turning 52 in a week or two. When I was younger, I used to think I'd never date anyone 10 yrs older, but now that I am older myself, that age gap is not as much as a gap like it used to be. Dating someone 10 yrs older when you're in the early 20's say... is a MUCH bigger difference relatively- although the number is the same.

Everything on Hiker works fine (very well, in fact- hehe) and he's fit and active.. and he fits me. If he was TOO active, we wouldn't match up- because I like to stay home at times. If he was a total couch potato, we wouldn't match either. It just seems like we're a good balance. And I don't think dating someone closer to my own age (or even further apart) is the key here. It's just a matter of finding someone who matches you- no matter what that number is.

As far as the age showing and wrinkles... I have to ask how old you are? I think the wrinkles on a man mattered to me when I was alot younger, but now that I have my own signs of wear and tear... I think the smile wrinkles are sexy as hell.

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 8:33pm

Hi,

I am in early 30s and he is in mid 40s.. Problem is that I look way too young for my age.. He looks younger for his age too.. He can pass for late 30s easily.. and is very athletic and head full of hair ( 98% still brown), taller than 6 feet.. Still there are times when those signs show off.. especially if you are looking at him all the time..
Also we are from different race so it is hard to make a direct comparison.

I know I will age much faster and wont be even fit like him when I am in my 40s.. But he tries to keep me fit by pushing me to go to gym and play with him..

If I dont see him one evning Iam dying to see him.. But I like to still wake up alone in my tiny bed and think about my past a bit and sigh and then think about him and all that.. May be Iam still getting adjusted to having him around a lot.
so he does cuddle and sometimes put me to sleep and go back to his apartment..Everytime we try to sleep in my tiny bed.. none of us get good sleep. and I dont like to go and sleep in his place unless it is a holiday.

So again I know this age thing wont be an issue after 10 yrs. But again both of us dont have kids.. and I am thinking when I have kids with him how will it look like to have dad who is much older than usual. Will it be unfair to my kids (future ones) to give them a dad who is already in mid 40s?

so i guess I asked many qns.. actually Iam asking all this qns to myself just to be sure Iam thinking through this carefully

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 8:51pm
Those are very smart questions to be asking yourself. How does he even feel about the subject of children? Does he have any of his own already? If you definatly want children and he doesn't, that's a very important question. It sounds like you are really thinking this through. Good for you!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 8:55pm

My SO is 9 years older than me, but in our case, it works perfectly. He's past the age where he wants to go party, our friends are all around the same age- mine are older than I am- and he's settled.

For me, I would choose the "well aged" bottle of vino over the freshly brewed beer any day.

Moody, who actually wants a beer now


Powered by CGISpy.com

Pages