The OTHER baby's mama...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2005
The OTHER baby's mama...
2
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 9:55am

I have two children by my ex-husband who are 3 and 2 years old. He also has a 10 year old from his high school girlfriend who would come visit once a week with us while we were married, but my Ex was never "involved" as much as he should have been in his son's life. When we seperated and the son's mother found out WHY, she immediately stopped letting her son go visit his dad- and instead of going to court as he should have to charge her with contempt of court per their custody decree he just let it go- which to me looks like he doesn't WANT to be in his son's life. (I would have fought MUCH harder!!!)
Anyway, she has called me a couple times to "talk" but I have never called her back. I tried to talk to her while we were married- but she wouldn't hear any of it or wouldn't return my calls. I was trying to extend an olive branch to let her know I wanted her son in my life and in his siblings' lives, too. My kids absolutely idolize their big brother... I just don't know what to say to her. Everything I heard her say and do to my husband while we were married left me with a sour taste in my mouth as far as her character goes. I want my kids to know their brother, but I don't know if her intentions are to just cause my ex-husband more pain and heartache. (I have a VERY good relationship with my ex and we are friends) I am sure she just wants to gossip about my ex and see what he is doing wrong to build her case against him and I don't want any part of that.

Any thoughts or comments....I just don't know if I should be the one to try and uphold another relationship with someone my exhusband is related to- isn't that his job???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 10:34am

If I were you, I just wouldn't talk to her if she wants to chat. If she wants to bring her son over to visit your boys and she makes the request explicit, then you might consider it since you said you want your sons to know their brother.

Do not discuss your exh with her at all and do not try to have a personal relationship with her. I might even call her and tell her that so she doesn't keep calling you and leaving messages to "chat".

If she never brings her son around again, I would not let it get me so much (even though that scenario is a sad one). Your exh is the one who should pursue the visitation thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 1:37pm

I think at the end of the day when it comes to our kids we have to be selfish - and ask ourselves, what does this do for them? To maintain a relationship with a parent is a good thing. A half sibling with this situation is a toss up - and for you to decide.

Something tells me that his mother has an ulterior motive - that might not be good for you. I would probably not talk to her. But as fivesense said, if you are able to set and keep boundaries of "for the kids only, no chit chat" it could be good for the kids to know their sibling. Is he a good influence on them? That could also be a deciding factor.

Do what is best for you and the kids.