Our First Fight
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| Fri, 05-09-2008 - 1:44am |
Hello All...
TG and i had our first fight... but i think i handled myself like an adult... i already told him "I'm sorry..."
Also, i read that the second phase of the relationship was the "power struggle".... so i guess that's why the first fight is so significant.... jockying for power in the relationship... BUT my theory is that a relationship is not about power... we are on the same team... and i don't believe in going to bed mad... so i feel proud of myself that i have forgiven him....
here's the breakdown... we were suppose to get together tonight after work.... there's always confussion as to where we are meeting after i get off work... sometimes we meet at a restaurant or bar..... other times i just meet him at his house ... and still other times i meet him at his friends house... So, the cell phone is essential for figuring out where to meet....
that being said.. our last conversation at 10 pm was "meet me at my house and i'll leave the door unlocked. you don't have to call first." So, at 11 pm when i left work, i didn't call... about half way to his house, i couldn't find my phone... thought maybe i left it at work, but didn't want to drive back... so i drove to TG's house per the earlier phone call.... Of course, he tried calling me at 11:30 pm and i didn't pick up... he thought i stood him up and drove to his neighbors house.....leaving the phone on the charger, i guess

Wow... I'm impressed how you went through those phases of misunderstanding, anger, and understanding and self awareness.
I think being going through with such a thing and come out the other side creates even more solid intimacy than anything else. I remember my first fight with Jackie, a woman whom I had the most intimate relationship I ever had in my entire life until I met CNDG. She got mad at me and actually pushed me. She was taken aback when I smiled and celebrated that because that was when I knew she felt comfortable enough to express her anger without fear - something that she had trouble in past relationships. I knew it was a big step to deeper intimacy and trust between us.
Thanks for sharing your triumph on this.
Mark
We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb
i hope
I've read tidbits about the various phases of a relationship, like the Power Struggle phase, but nothing in depth.
dont' know a good book about it... i had googled "phases of a relationship" a while back.... wasn't looking forward to moving past the romantic phase.... i really liked TG chasing me and making me feeling special.... but after we fought, i thought... hmmmm i guess that means we've moving into the next phase...
EEEEks... and the article said,
I think you will be fine and have to wait and see and not freak out that he will be the same as your ex. Perhaps you two can concentrate on getting to know each other by doing fun and different things so you can get to see each other in different settings and learn more about each other - that fosters a good relationship and it brings great memories and a good foundation. Keeps it fun and new! Although with you getting out of work so late that is not easy.
But I do think it is good he is learning not to change plans at the last minute and run you around in the rain and dark with a hurt foot. I am glad you stood your ground and went home. And I am glad you made such a nice and positive call afterwards.
thanks for the validation West....
I still don't feel 100% better... but our last phone call went well... i sensed in his voice that he felt better.... he said, have a great day at work. And his "bye" had energy... as if all is forgiven..
sorry to think sooo much...
hopefully this means we will reach a deeper level of intimacy...... i mean, if i believe what he's told me so far.... that wouldn't change over night... well, with guys, i feel like you never can tell.... one minute he just might disappear... i guess the best thing i can do is allow myself to be volnurable and just tell him how i feel ... without arguing about who was right or wrong... ya know... after all that's what my recovery was all about.. stating feelings and NOT pointing fingers... I'm actually proud of myself... i didn't call him back 5-10 times... i didn't start calling random guys..... i didn't go to a bar to drink it off... i just went home and called my brother to process.... and then like i said, i calmed down....
Loonybunny
Awww Loony- I'm proud of you!