Is our relationship unusual? Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Is our relationship unusual? Help!
9
Wed, 11-28-2007 - 11:58pm

Hi everyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 12:59am
My boyfriend B

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 3:59am

First off- Happy Birthday! And congrats on having a good relationship with someone you like!


But to address your questions... I have to ask- just WHAT IS "NORMAL" for a relationship??? There isn't anything called "normal" across the board for all relationships! Relationships between 2 people are just that- the relationship between THOSE TWO. So they (and you!) can make it whatever they want. As long as both partners involved are happy with the level of communication, the level of commitment, the amount of time spent, etc... then it's all good. There is no way to have a "normal" that you can compare it to, IMO.


Now, if you are not happy with the time you guys spend communicating (whether it be email or phone or smoke signal or whatever), then you should bring it up and talk with him about it. If

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 9:23am

I agree with Shrimps. For me to add my opinion would only repeat everything she says.

One thought about the dress. If you did not want to have to spend $45 of your own money you could have said maybe we need to try some more on that don't cost quite that much and do just that. It is better sometimes to hesitate when something doesn't feel quite right and this could be a good lesson for next time.

Perhaps if this bothers you, you can take it back to the store and find one for $45? Just a thought. Maybe that is sort of passive-aggressive - but if you are on a budget why not?

If he is in his 20s he might have thought that $89 was a lot to spend on a dress and he offered what he felt comfortable - and that is ok. He was generous indeed for your birthday and you should appreciate what he did give.

I agree with Shrimps about the communication issue. Someone explained to me (Soonee) that a healthy relationship skill is a bit like a shampoo - request, praise, repeat. Maybe you can praise him when he does call and before you say goodbye on Sunday say you would love to hear from him during the week to hear how his week is going and to hear his voice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 9:54am

Good Morning, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


The first thing that pops out at me about the gift is that it sounds like you were pretty adamant that you didn't want anything 'big'.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 1:19pm

I agree on your take on the spending for her birthday., i.e. love to spend but thrifty and have a budget.


When I want to give a gift I mentally have a limit on how much I want to spend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 4:37pm

You've already received some awesome advice here and I feel pretty much exactly the same way. ( Shrimps...you've been on Fire lately with your right on posts!!)


The communication level is probably key and needs to be addressed. He is

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 4:40pm

a healthy relationship skill is a bit like a shampoo - request, praise, repeat.


I LOVE this!!!


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 6:25pm
Well, this is Soonee - not me - I am just repeating what I heard!! And trying to practice it, too!! LOL!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 10:20pm
Thank you ALL so much for your thoughtful replies!