outlook on life changed
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| Tue, 08-31-2004 - 1:07am |
Since my last post, my soon to be ex moved out and the kids and I are adjusting. I am just wondering if any of you have been through this and if what I'm feeling is normal?? Here is the catch though...the relationship that I am coming out of was emotionally abusive. I am going to counceling for this. I don't know though if how I feel is normal or if I may actually be jaded forever?
I used to believe in true love and a lasting relationship. I grew up all around it...but I certainly didn't have it and although I would not change what I have gone through and the two wonderful children that I have...I feel like I never, ever want to get remarried again. I used to look at people with this attitude and think to myself that it was so sad because they needed love so much and that all they had to do was reach out for it and it would be ok. (maybe I was too much of an idealist?) I used to feel sorry for people like that and now I am one of them!? I actually understand why people don't want to get married or people who want commitments and decide not to live together. Maybe I've been through too much and I'm scared because I don't exactly know where my place is going to be? I am a nice girl who can't go have meaningless male friends and play around, I just wouldn't be capable of that. I think it is a very rare female that can do that or the ones I hear about are really just a mess. I also don't see myself being completely alone for the rest of my life either...how is there an inbetween? I don't know if any of this makes sense but I would love feedback from anyone with experience.
I would love to hear if any of you feel this way sometimes and if how I feel is justified or if I have become jaded. Is it possible to overcome that and have faith in something real again??
Thanks,
katlc

You are NOT emotionally handicapped or incapable of love! You are wiser for your experience. You should be cautious and fearful of doing the same thing again. YOu are doing the smart thing by getting counseling so you can know why it happened the first time, and then you can avoid getting in another abusive relationship. BUT till you find out why, and are able to change your patterns, you would probably get into another similarly bad relationship if you "got out there" again.
Take this time to get to know yourself, to learn about normal, healthy relationships and to rearrange your thinking. It will be SOOOO worth it later.
I didn't date for 3 years after my divorce and I am so glad. I learned to know myself better and I am so much happier now because of it.
You're ok, you will be ok...just keep helping yourself.
Candi
Anyway, big hugs and don't push yourself or feel guilty about how you feel right now. You're outlook will change if you're ready and in the meantime, that's where you're at. But, yes, there is hope.
((((Hug))))
I think you're VERY normal to feel jaded. Who wouldn't be? Having certain expectations and hopes and then having someone dash them is going to leave you feeling as though you've had your feet knocked out from under you.
I am so glad to hear you're getting some counseling to learn a little more about the choices you made and how to avoid that kind of a situation again. And for just plain old getting this junk and what your ex did to you off your chest.
Don't even WORRY about the fact that you're not interested in another man or marriage and commitment right now. That can be quite a ways down the road. Feeling that way now is normal, but I highly doubt that means you'll feel that way for the rest of your life. But I think it's very healthy to just shelve that idea and focus on taking care of yourself and being emotionally healthy when you're alone. The rest will follow, and it won't be forced and it won't be you feeling like you "should" want a man and so you'll just go find something.
Hang in there.