overanalysing
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| Sun, 01-13-2008 - 12:41am |
Being a scorpio overanalysing just seems like my second nature. Everything seemed so perfect and I was just thinking today ..hey I am having PMs time and yet no problems.. We had a great day. cooked together watched some " sex and the city ( he doenst like it but kind of watches it for me)" cuddled and a friend of mine called.. we chatted for a long time. She was telling me her difficulty in finding a right guy and so on..
And then I was thinking Hey Biker doenst have any real friends.. I mean no one calls to chat with him.. May be guys dont do that ..call and chat on phone? He has been a bit resigned recently so hasnt made many friends outside of work . And he never keeps in touch with people on purpose and of course most of them are married and have kids so may e he felt left out and.. anyways I had told him that I would like for him to reconnect with his old friends and that would be good for us. I told him once before New year that may eb he should try reconnecting to atleast one or two friends every year.
Today again after I talked to my friend I realised that

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I look how it would affect me and the relationship. What does he do when he is not with you? How does he emotionally support himself? What does he do for activities before he me you?
I see having friends meet my emotional needs and my activity needs. If my partner depended on me to do both all the time then I would worry. If my partner did not take care of his/her emotional or activity needs at all then I would worry.
Mark
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May your soul be at rest.
May your heart remain open.
May you realize your own true nature.
May you be healed.
May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer
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I hope not because I'm a little bit this way. I have friends but just don't have to talk to them a lot. And there are some times when I just want to be alone. I always felt it stemmed from being the youngest of six kids and growing up you had zero alone time. Matter of fact, I get down right cranky when I don't have alone time. I think everyone is different in this way.
And I totally hear ya on the Scorpio overanalizing thing. I do that all the time! UGH! It gets very annoying sometimes. A very good friend of mine will just look at me and say "Stop it!" and then we just laugh about it.
Hello Mark,
As always I appreciate your words of wisdom. You asked some very valid qns. Interestingly he is not
Here's my 2 cents. My exH was a lot like this. But, he was also a very emotionally insecure person and depended on me for everything!! He wasn't like that when we first met and dated but over time he only relied on me. If we would get together with HIS friends it would be because I would make the plans. They would call him once in a while and he never called them back. I brought this up in my own therapy after our separation and she told me what mattered the most was his emotional insecurity and his unhealthy dependence on me, not his social habits. Biker could be very happy having only acquaintances. He could be socially and
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Hi zachnsarahsmom,
Hi Emma,
I agree with what Mark said, I think that was really really well put.
And I really don't have anything to offer suggestion/input wise. I just wanted to chime in and say that I too (not being Scorpio) am VERY guilty of over analyzing stuff. I do it all the time. Its something I am constantly trying to work on with myself as I know I do it, and it bugs me I do it. You are not alone in that department lol
Oh wow, Dance... I know EXACTLY what you mean!!!! Maybe it has something to do with that "-iker" nickname, but my Hiker is just like your Biker!!!!!!! He is NOT the only man who is like this!!!
Hiker is a quiet man. VERY quiet man, and everyone in my family (or friends) who have met him, like him- but thinks that he is unusually quiet. Though I know he DOES open up and talk more at times... he's just not a big talker overall. And that isn't because he is non-social or unable to be social. That's just how he is. He still leads the Scouts troop and does group things. He doesn't seem to have alot of friends either- but it's mainly because he's been single Dad and is busy with all that. But he does have a coworker that he carpools with, and they go golfing often, when it's nice out. But again... it's not like he is camped out chit-chatting with any friends daily. Or when he has people over for BBQs, it's usually his grown children and their friends.
I do wonder about that, too- that he doesn't seem "needy"... but then I realize that I'm that same way alot of the time, too. I think that is why we match so well. Because I like being around people, but I don't NEED to have it all the time. I know my ex was much more needy. He wanted an audience for EVERYTHING, like "watch me, notice me" and it used to drive me nuts! We were SOO not a match!
I have my friends, too- but I don't hang with them constantly. He has his friends... but he doesn't hang with them constantly, either. And at the same time- we have each other... but no need to hang together constantly on that aspect, either. Some might think I'M as non-social as some might think he is... but really, I don't think I'm non-social. I just know that I like my alone time (like Emma said too) and I'm just not needy for alot of interaction.
I think it's a red flag only if your personality doesn't match up with his personality because of this kind of thing. But I dont' think it's a warning sign that he's a bad person. If he was one to have no friends (or doesn't need any)- and expects you to give up YOUR friends too, or doesnt' want to join you- now THAT would be a definite red flag! But if he is fine with his own social uninvolvement, and accepts yours too (and doesn't have a problem with joining you and your friends for activities)- then I see no problem with it. JMHO.
Hiker can bug me sometimes too- the way he doesn't "come running to me with news" the way I might do to him... but when he found out
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
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I didn't know overanalyzing comes with scorpions. That explains SO much! I'm a scorpion and every boyfriend I've had gets crazy with this. I can't help it, it just happens. LOL. Is it really a trait? I thought it was just something really weird that I did. And I would try to stop, but I can't.
Ok, anyway, I wanted to comment on something VERY VERY strange, but a lot of the men I've dated AFTER my divorce were hermits. They had no friends. Total loners. Nascar was a complete loner too.
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