overreacting or hidden drama queen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
overreacting or hidden drama queen
14
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 10:13am

Hi all,


Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 10:58am

Hummm, well darling how should I say this..........drama and drama queen.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 11:06am

"In his mind , he had taken me out and had a romatic day and that is a celeberation."


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 11:09am
Hi soccermom, Thanks for actually reading and responding. I feelt so much better when I woke up this morning. I will call him and apologise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 11:16am
PMS + Birthday Blues + Past Drama = BIG drama girl!! LOL!! It sounds like you were so worried he would forget or not do enough that you failed to see he did his best and right before a big trip that he was getting ready for and you just looked at all of it the wrong way. I do agree with the others that you were not your best. You two are still pretty new and he is busy and it sounds like it was just one of those "didn't have prior planning or discussing things" - and you will have to work on your issues as well. Some guys are better at bday stuff than others and so you may want to adjust your expectations and appreciate the TIME more than the other stuff. Sounds like he was good about the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 1:12pm

Judy Wrote: <<Some guys are better at bday stuff than others and so you may want to adjust your expectations and appreciate the TIME more than the other stuff. Sounds like he was good about the time.>>


Dance...I agree with this. Your guy might have a different way of expressing his love to you and he does it maybe by spending time with you. That's how he genuinely feels he is expressing love. Remember the love languages? He is who he is, and he sounds like he was really trying in his own way. I am one to over react as well and I'm learning! remember the things he does for you that you appreciate.


I know from a couple of you other posts that you wish he was the kind of guy who said more (communication affirmations) and the little romatic stuff. It might come to accepting him for who he is, not totally matching up to what you expect but still being happy with him. If you can and want to do that, then go in all the way and show him you love and accept him for what he does give. It's a learning thing, I know, because of what we are all conditioned to react to, expect, etc. At the very least, I would talk to him and tell him thank you (from the heart) for what he did think of :o)


Well, best wishes as you talk with your guy. And happy early birthday!


~Pacific~

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 1:38pm

All,

Thanks for the great advice and especially cl_alison for telling me the harsh reality.. of how childish my behaviour was.

This morning when I came to office there was a pack of perfumes on my table which he left last night..I dont think that was the gift he planned. He got it from the supermarket when he was getting the slice of cake perhaps..lol

I was feeling so bad for spoiling his mood before his trip and he has to give a talk there and all that..
This morning we talked when he was changing flights. The first thing he said was "I am sorry, I knew I screwed up when I tore the card.." lol. I was waiting to say so many sorrys.. I told him I am happy he does all those things for me and it is just that I was afraid that he may forget to do anything special, coz of the way he is.

(And guess what right after we talked on phone, I got flowers in my office which he had arranged for... gosh!).

I told him that these simple things ( cake, candles and gift even if it is a 1 dollar gift) are what I see as celeberation even if he does tons of other things and I told him that he is perfect in every way. He did say that he didnt know it was a big deal for me. But also said that he planned on everything except cake and candles..lol.

He has been alone for so many years and he really doesnt know how to celeberate some ones special day if you are the main person in their life at that point.
I am some what like a kid when it comes to Bday.. I was thinking last night something like.. "what if we have kids and if I am not there, this dad wont even celeberate our kids bday..." lol.. I think I reacted out of expectations, fear, looking at future and how he will treat our kids when he would be responsible for making them feel special on their B'Day.
I wanted to make sure that he will consider what the person who has Bday would like to get on that day. I am not really demanding with gifts or anything on any other day.

So well, we both cleared our thoughts and I requested him to please try and do these things and told him that he need not spend much, but if he does these things it would mean a lot to me. He said we will go on a vaccation when he is back and that he will even plan the trip..( See for instance I dont care even if he doesnt take me for any vaccations, what makes me feel more loved may be a simple cake and candle on my B'Day)

He is not bad with gift giving . He does bring me gifts when ever he is out of town.. Just that he doesnt think that any day is special like B'day or valentines day. Now that I think about it, he gives me really special treatment everyday..unlike others who cared for only special days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 2:27pm

Now I linked everything and really he did have a plan..

His plan was to : Come to my place and make french toast for me (He got bread on his way since I was running out of bread) for breakfast. I had asked him sometime back if he knew how to make good french toast. and then he had plans to take me to the Botanical garden and then see the orchid show.. Again I had wanted to go there for some time. Then he had plans to take me out for lunch and drive around or take me out for dinner and work for few hours in between all this and then pack for his trip.. He had already ordered for flowers to reach me on my Bday while he is gone (which actually came early) and he had plans to get that special gift (which I still dont know what) for which he didnt have time to shop.

So I spoiled most part of his plan by wanting to go to Open House (since I expected only a cake and candle in the evening..lol). Only thing he didnt have in his plan was cake and candles..lol..and which are the only thing I needed and may be a symbolic gift (even a tiny doll would do., I didnt expect anything special or expensive).

So now we have made up as I said in my last post..and talked about why we had this episode.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 2:48pm

Sorry this happened, but he sounds very thoughtful. How old are you? I have to say that I was married to someone that didn't even remember to tell me happy birthday, let alone anything else. I hope you can get it straightened out but I also hope that you appreciate a nice, thoughtful guy for what he is. I would never care about a cake all that he did for you with how busy he was, that is unbelievable to me. Wish I could find one half as kind to me.

Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 3:15pm

I'm very glad to hear you had a chance to clear things up! I always see these things as learning oppotunities, lol.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 4:34pm

Drama Queen, after reading your 'long' blog LOL I really feel you are no different from any other woman in the world just a little out spoken. Don't worry I am too. I have just learned sometimes there is a place & time for certain things to come out. You chose to address your problem head on-outright before you actually got to see the outcome. you never know maybe he had absolutlely nothing planned then again he may be in a situation where he hadn't had to plan anything for someone else's birthday-(much less a woman). so he may have been still trying to work out all the kinks in his mind. There is nothing wrong with speaking your mind but again there is a time & place for everything. I also wanted to add that you will miss out on that man if you comtinue to compare him to your ex(s). Honestlythink about it like this. Regardless of what the others did for you on your BDay or anyother time for that matter, you need to remember there is a reason you call them your EX & not you current & also he isn't those other men. what may have been great for them may not interest your current now. He did spend the whole day with you although he had a million other things he could have been doing. He didn't have to get any cake at all (instead of your one piece).


I have met alot of women who constantly compared current to old & in the end they always loose b/c too much time is spent looking back when you should be facing ahead. This could have been an opportunity for both of you to start some new memories. you know the saying men are from Mars women are from Venus? Well your "guy" may not have a clue how to go about making sure you have a great birthday. If he acts like he is interested in learning then take that as an opportunity to TEACH we all know you are never too old to learn something new. Men can be scared by such an act you say you pulled & it may shy him totally away from you or he could try to over do it next year & end up shying himself away from you(thinking he just can't get it right). I comend you for calling him to apologize that took guts but next time try to wait until you really have a valid reason to become "DRAMA QUEEN". One last thing- I don't know how old you are but after a while birthdays just isn't that important anymore-not to say you shouldn't be happy on yours but depending how old he is he may feel that way & this again may be something that will be an underlined problem later in the relationship b/c remember he will never forget this birthday he spent with you. Try to keep your head up & stay positive until you have EVERY RIGHT to CLICK:-) PEACE

Gabriall-Special People; Special Jobs

Pages