Overwhelmed ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Overwhelmed ...
17
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 9:26pm

X's mother is dying - & its all come on pretty suddenly. She's in FLA for the winter, so i cant even get dd to see her. I am really close to her - she's been like a 2nd mom to me since my mom died, & she calls me her daughter. She has ALWAYS stood behind me 100% with the issues with her son, & she appreciates what kind of mom I am. & she is a good Gramma to dd.

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: rlch
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 9:40pm

I'm so sorry to hear all that you are going through. I just cannot imagine the stress you are feeling and all the emotions that are adding. BIg hugs to you!


- cat

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
In reply to: rlch
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 10:06pm

Wow, Rebecca!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: rlch
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 11:23pm

Thanks girls. Theres just TOO much at once! Ugh.


But, we will get thru it, no matter what. We always do!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
In reply to: rlch
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 11:26pm

Gee Whiz!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
In reply to: rlch
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 12:42am

Big hugs, Rebecca. You do have way too much on your shoulders right now. It will be rough for Ave but you always seem to say just the right thing when it comes to your daughter. Take time to take care of you, too. It is a lot for both of you. You know that all of us here, all across the country, the world even, care about you and will be here for you.

QB

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: rlch
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 12:43am

{{{HUGGGGSSSS}}} Pain of losing a loved one who is in your corner. Pain of your DD in her pain. Pain of X ... well nuff said.

Take care,
Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: rlch
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 6:08am

I agree with Soonee - you should call the psych and see what to do. I think this is more reason for you to make him go to his own counselor as planned because you are not responsible to help him through this and you should not do that.

I know it is unfortunate about his mom but that has nothing to do with DD and you are not going to bend on your treatment plan for him to see DD just because his mom is sick. DD is the priority.

I think you should let his calls go to voicemail so you can screen his purpose and not get caught up in his drama. I think it is okay for you to communicate with her while you still can but I would minimize my contact with him for sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: rlch
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 7:52am

Yeah, i had no idea he was calling to talk to ME. I have sent his calls to VM b4 a lot, but then i get accused of ignoring his calls when he wants to talk to dd. Usually i just hand her the phone when i see his caller ID & then refuse to take the phone if he asks for me - but i answered it to tell him i was out of minutes & i would have dd call back on the house phone & he siad "No, Im calling to talk to you" ... & so it began. I really dont speak with him anymore at all, since i dont have to

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
In reply to: rlch
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 8:12am
I cant imagine how it feels to listen to him freaking out about losing his Mom. You have had a few circumstances now lately where he is crumbling and you were there but you are smart to do what you did the last time which is to leave the room - so in this case, keep it brief if you find yourself even by accident on the phone and get out of there. I know it pulls at you especially since you love his Mom and have lost yours.
If I were you, I would make an appt for yourself with the psych. Can you do that? I know you would be fine without it too but the death of your x mother in law could be something that will pull all sorts of strings and you might lose some of the ground you just worked so hard for. He might have some great advice about whether Avery should be at the funeral and if so, should she see Dad? He can calm your nerves about her being so distraught about needing to see him and he can give you tips about what to say to Taz when he thinks that you should be his shoulder to cry on. All of these things are so hard for someone inside of the situation to deal with that I think you would be smart to ask him for ideas and support. You may have already done this.
I personally dont think Taz should see her under any circumstances right now. I know you think it might make her feel better but he is such a wild card with behavior and words and that is why you have kept it happening so far, right?. I guess if you had some sort of cosmic guarantee that he would be wonderful and calm with her then you would be golden. I think I would be worried it might be the opposite to that somehow and then she would be worse off afterwards instead of better.
I'm so sorry about all of this. And it must be tough to lose a second mother figure. I have gone through that also.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: rlch
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 8:25am

Yes, I can make an appt for just me with the psyc, anytime. But what i did after i posted that was call Aves counselor.

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