Pac Sun - thinking of you! xo (nt)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Pac Sun - thinking of you! xo (nt)
21
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 11:14pm
nt

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 12:33pm

Hey there-


I made it out alive..lol!


Quick update. I drove home after work and like an omen heard John Mayer sing "Say what you Need to Say" :


"You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again.

Even if your hands are shaking,
And your faith is broken.
Even as the eyes are closin',
Do it with a heart wide open.


Say what you need to say....."


And so, I did say what I needed to say. Unoffensively and non threatening, just the truth. What was a bit disarming for me was how honest and real he was and he listened. He really wanted to know how I felt.


Some really honest things he said were that he is seeing how his lifestyle not only has caused conflict with us but also how he would like to be a better influence on his daughter. He made no commitments to stopping altogether yet. But he admitted to at least seeing the potentially

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 1:06pm

Pacific....I am so impressed by how you remained true to yourself.

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 1:36pm

You did great!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 1:50pm

Hey Pacsun,


It sounds that BE really has taken your feedback and concerns to heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 2:14pm

What strikes me is that he is not making any commitment in changing even though he has the awareness


Thanks for the kind words, Mark.


One thing I know about Blue Eyes is that he won't make a committment to anything without fully and completely intending to follow through. He does not like to leave things he's committed to unfinished or incomplete. So when he puts his mind to something he does it. I've always loved that about him (it's a 360 from my ex). So my feeling is that he is gauging and weighing the pros and cons right now before committing to a totally clean and sober life.

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 2:16pm

"It sounds he wants to use you as the gauge on how well (or not) he is doing and having you as


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 2:27pm

"I asked how he felt about me continuing to get myself back on track..more time alone, more outings with friends, which will keep me from over focusing on him and my expectations."


This stood out for me, because I thought, "well, he's going to agree to anything she says she's going to do if it means she's going to stay and put up with his Sh*t..."


"He


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 2:28pm

You will probably learn this at Al-Anon (and I am so glad you are going), but they have to stop drinking for themselves. Not for someone else. Once they are sober they have to learn to deal with life without self medicating. That isn't easy. Also, if they don't work on the issues that cause the drinking, then they are known as a "dry drunk." There is an excellent post about that on the Alcohol and Substance Abuse message board here on Ivillage.

Please keep educating yourself as much as possible on alcoholism. Stick to your boundries!
Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 2:52pm

Hugs to you (forever hugs!) Pac-sun...


I agree with everything everyone has said. Even what Alison said... I agree with all that, too.


I do wish BE could commit to healing his life from alcohol but it sounds like through the talk, he is still only biding his time. Not even seeing the situation with his DD and drinking is making that light bulb

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 3:18pm

"Just don't ever think it's because you failed in any way."



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