panic attacks -
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panic attacks -
| Mon, 07-02-2007 - 9:45pm |
are there normal men out there? i just divorced my husband after 16 years of marriage and feel as though meeting someone relatively normal may not happen. Met a good looking, nice guy a few months ago and he is slowing "disclosing" his issues to me. He is scared to fly, he has panic attacks if he gets drives more than an hour from "home." He is content reading all day and taking naps. He tries to meet me half way by taking an occassional walk or seeing a movie now and then. I feel terrible for giving up such a great guy but I am a very energetic person, never take naps and like to travel. Part of me hopes to help him overcome his anxiety issues but what if that never happens? I have two kids, work a lot and don't want to short change myself. am I being selfish for wanting out? Is there anything I can do to help this guy. or cut my losses now.

My personal opinion is that you shouldn't take on the job of trying to "fix" him. He should want to do that himself, and then find a way to do so. It might help you decide if you make a list of what matches with you two, and what doesn't match. And then decide which list you can live with, which you can't.
I know in reality, it's not all that easy- but sometimes to just see the mismatches on paper, you'll see clearer whether you can live with them or not.
I wouldn't want someone I felt like I had to 'fix' just so we could match better. I did that with my ex and it never happened, and I would rather find someone who already HAS his potential rather than my trying to make someone into what I think his potential should be.
IMO, I think you could look around more and find someone who matches your own personality and lifestyle better!
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I agree with Shrimps 100%.
I think in dating we have to decide the one or two things that are REALLY important to us. And then decide the things we will NOT put up with. The lists are a work in progress, really.
I have always said, "here now ready now" - and it has served me well. Every time I have hoped something would be fixed I end up disappointed and wasting a lot of time.
I am active and don't like to nap. So I can see your point. And really if you were married for 16 years you should be enjoying the dating process and someone's company - not having a panic attack.
Hopefully you stick around the board and participate in our threads - you will learn a lot!! Welcome!
I have to agree with the other ladies here....I think you should move on. Anxiety can be a viscious circle that just never ends. I think you need to try and ween yourself off of him...maybe he could be a friend? You deserve a partner who can and will do the things that you enjoy. You want a partner not a project.....
(((((hugs to you)))))) I am sure this is not easy after being with him for a few months.
Rose