Paranoid or ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2005
Paranoid or ?
6
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 6:11pm

Ok, I met a guy about two weeks ago. Of all places, at a red light. I had the top down on the car and he started talking to me. Traffic was heavy, so by the time we got to my turn, he had given me his number. I had never done anything like that before, but I figured what would it hurt to call him, so I did. We talked very briefly several times on the phone, and agreed to meet for dinner last Friday, but we didn't set a place. He called me at lunch time, and told me to call him when I got off work to set a time and place. I called, but got his VM. He called and left a message Sat that his grandfather had died, but he still wanted to get together sometime. We caught up with each other on the phone Mon, and made plans for dinner Tues. We had a nice time, but that's it. No great whatever, but no big warning signs either. He is divorced, has his kids every other weekend. He said that giving a woman at a redlight his number was very out of character for him, and seemed from his attitude to be telling the truth. He said that he had moved back in with his mom after his dad died last year, because where she lives is no longer a safe neighborhood for a woman to be alone. I mentioned about his grandfather, and he changed the subject pretty quickly. He said he would call me Wed. He called that morning, said he just wanted to say good morning, thank me for going out again, and he would call me Wed nite. He didn't. He called Thurs in the middle of the day from a different number. (He had been calling from his cell.) I don't know why, but for some reason it didn't sound right, so I looked it up on the internet. It was not where he told me he lived, and not where he works. I didn't say anything. He wants to go out again Friday, after he told me Tues that this was his weekend with the kids and they had plans. He will not keep a conversation going on the phone more than two minutes at a time on the phone. Do you think I'm just paranoid and looking for red flags, or are these for real?

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 7:13pm

I have no idea, and I could be totally wrong, but he sounds married or living with someone. Saying he lives with his mom might be a reason to keep you from calling or going there, the grandfather dying might be an excuse for "my wife/girlfriend wanted to go out and I couldn't call to cancel." I wouldn't put money opinion yet, but it all does sound fishy so if you go out with him again, keep your eye's wide open.

Does having a car with a retractable roof gets you more dates?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2005
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 8:33pm

It might if it was a nicer car. LOL Actually, this is the first time that had happened, and I've had the car 6 months. I've had a few wolf whistles, but never a conversation. The story behind my car is that I had gone to look at another car the place had advertised. They had the convertible, which had been hit on the passenger side and the door is a different color than the rest of the car. I always wanted a convertible but never could afford one, so I asked the guy about it. He said it had been there for a couple months, it wouldn't start, and no one could figure out what was wrong with it. He told me that if I knew someone who could fix it, he would sell it to me for $500. I figured out what was wrong, it had an alarm that wouldn't allow you to start it if the alarm was armed, and it was malfunctioning. I called my ex who is the service manager for a new car dealer, and he told me how to over ride the alarm. It started right up. It cost me $40 to have the alarm reprogrammed, which made the car the steal of the century. Now I just have to get it painted.

About the guy, that is my gut instinct too, that there is something going on, I just wondered if anyone else agreed with me, or just thought I was over reacting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 8:53pm
OMG! You got it for $500! WOW! I am so impressed!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 9:24pm

Great deal on the car!!

I would ditch this one - too fishy to start. I don't like such a crazy story and not calling and different phone numbers. And if he was that into you he would be straight up and calling on time.

Always go with your gut feeling - it is never wrong. But you did good to give it a try and go with the flow.

And I enjoyed reading your story!!




Edited 7/21/2005 9:37 pm ET ET by cl-west1745
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 12:17am

I would have to agree that there's something fishy, and you are best to go with the gut and end it. I think just dropping off the planet is called for_-just don't answer his calls and let the machine pick up for any number you don't know that calls in the next few weeks. Hopefully he'll get the idea and stop calling. Don't even give him a chance to try and explain himself, you will just find more holes in any story he will come up with.

And if he is married/ living with someone/ has a girlfriend, then it's best that you don't get more involved, right? You don't want to be with a guy who cannot commit to his SO, nor do you want to be used. If the guy is out looking for sex, then he can find it elsewhere.

You will be out there looking for the guy who is honest and wants to be with you, only you.

Alison

Photobucket

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 07-22-2005 - 3:10am
This happened exactly to me last December. Can anyone find that thread again?? I posted in December and again in January when his WIFE called me. The one that he SUPPOSIDLY didn't have. However, I had smelled the rat already on the first two dates and finally, the whole not being able to call him, excuses of why he was never available, home address wrong, etc etc. EXACTLY what you described. And! To make this even funnier (it's not, but I do think at the moment it is) I met him in traffic the SAME way you did, but without the top down.
I will see if I can find the thread and then post it.