People Say We Monkey Around...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
People Say We Monkey Around...
5
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 9:37am

But We're too Busy Singing To Put Anybody Down... Hey hey We're the Monkeys

Ugh- what a night. So, I've been talking to B, who I met last weekend, quite a lot, and we seem to have a lot in common. I'd meet him again, and would have liked to meet him last night, but before he asked me (silly, silly boy), another guy, A asked if I'd like to meet.

So, A is new, from OLD. He lives near me, we've talked a couple of times, and emailed a few times. I'm actually surprised he contacted me- his profile says he wants someone shorter than me (I'm 5'9", and he is, too) never been married (divorced, here) no kids, (well, duh, I have 2) conservative (I'm a liberal- could you even guess)- anyhow... I saw he had viewed my profile, then contacted me. I was surprised, and emailed him back, but was sort of lukewarm about it. Over the next few emails, the connection was fine, so we exchanged numbers, chatted a few times, and agreed on Tuesday to meet last night for a drink at the restaurant my best friend is a waitress at. He didn't know that part.

Yesterday morning, he calls my cell, and says "Hi, it's been a really long week, do you think we could maybe meet Saturday or next week?" I was sort of cool to him about it, because I had planned a sitter, gone out of my way, blah blah blah... I am totally not into meeting him at all now. Is that wrong? Should I be more forgiving? I guess if he had used another excuse, I might be a little more understanding, but a long week?! Everyone has a long week. I'm sure, since he has no kids, he doesn't realize all of the planning that has to go into having free time. BUT- he should be a little more considerate, or not make the plans at all. I'm not a spur of the moment dater.

So, I talked to B later in the day yesterday, and he asked my plans. I told they had been scrapped without going into major detail, and he said something to the effect of- well, I'll call you and maybe we can get together. He didn't call and I ended up going out alone, which was the most fun I've had in quite a while. I met some new people, a few friends of my parents from high school- this is that kind of town, haha.

But B called my cell, and when I checked my messages, he said "hey, I'm waiting a little bit, then we're going out without you" I was like, huh? Didn't know we had plans, since you never called to make any! So when I called him back, I told him that, and he said he had just been kidding on the phone, but I ended up telling him I wasn't into going to the club he wanted to go to, so he and his buddy went out, I went home, and that was that.

He's probably upset with me for not going out with him and his buddy (the same one he had with him last week), but I really wasn't into clubbing- I'm not a club or college bar kind of person, and I've told him that. I'm not mad at him for not calling me, but I will be upset if he thinks he's going to run my life. We don't have a relationship, and it'll be the end of anything we could have had if he starts to pull any of that man crap!

I would love to get to know him better, but we both have children, and weird hours-plus he knows I'm dating other people. The problem with talking so much on the phone, for me, is that I develop this false (sometimes) sense of who the person is, then if there's no chemistry when we meet, or we just don't get along as well, I'm let down. At our first meeting, there wasn't that awkwardness, really, just very very casualness, which was good.

Incidentally, 3 men have now called me a player, not counting P, so I guess that's 4. Maybe my definition was off. Hmmmm. Maybe I AM a player, but I'm honest about it, I'm having fun, and I have been told I'm fun to be around. So I think all these guys should quit their whining and be glad I agree to spend ANY time with them at all! (LOL- I'm just kidding, mostly, but don't you sometimes feel like that? Like everyone can just chill and if they don't you can just go be with someone else? If I were in a relationship, I wouldn't be dating, but how'm I supposed to GET in a relationship if I don't date?? Why is it okay for men, but not for me? GRRRRR)

Today, I'm gardening, playing my sax, and probably taking Princess Spasticka bowling with a girlfriend later. Man free day today. Tomorrow too, probably. Android's with his dad, and will be home tomorrow afternoon.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 10:33am

Moody,

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with how you feel IMHO. I am the same way. Guys without kids just don't understand the calling at the last minute and asking you out for that night. I mean seriously, I'm sure most of us have babysitter's lining up outside and all the fundage in the world to pay them as well...

You are not a player. There is nothing wrong with dating around--which is so totally different than sleeping around--which is what I consider a player--flirting with someone and then sleeping with them as the final conquest and then moving on to the next one, but perhaps I am wrong too??
And this A guy...what a stupid sorry excuse. I would have felt the same way as you, and wondered if he had "something better" come along and just didn't want to tell me. (but I am very untrusting like that.) Of course I did have a guy tell me he had a headache and cancel and say he was going to call me later. And it really was the truth and he really did call, so even though I thought he was blowing me off, I was wrong. He explained later he was in a bad car accident and gets horrible migraines, but at the time it sounded like a lame excuse and I am quick to be on the defensive. After I got to know him better I knew he was not the kind of guy who would just lie, but at the time, I didn't know him well enough. So there are acceptions, but I think they are rare.

But for the most part, these boys need to quit their whining. I hate to sound all cold like that, but they really do! I think they are just frustrated because you are not worshipping the ground that they walk on. Maybe they have been spoiled by other girls?
At any rate, the guy for you will respect and admire the fact that you aren't rushing instead of being pouty about it or worse--calling you names! Babies! ;P

Have faith. Not all guys are like this, I know TONS of nice, normal guys, they are just already attached. :( pout. pout.

hugs,
--snow

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 11:02am

Moody,

I agree with everything you write here about your feelings and your actions. I don't like the sounds of A for you because of the stuff he wrote in his profile about not wanting someone with kids. To me, and in my experience, that is a pretty strong thing to write in a profile. And it is okay - it is his preference. You can keep an open mind and see him again or just forget it - see how you feel. But if it was me I would lean towards NOT.

I don't think you are at all a player - a player would have more of a sleezy connotation to me. I think that when you are on the market and not in an exclusive relationship you should keep your options open and date as much as you can. If you or another partner has feelings and wants more then you should discuss that and clarify each others expectations. To me, a player would be someone that has sex with more than one person and who is stringing someone along in a relationship and seeing more people. I really don't think you are doing that - you are just trying to find a guy who is that into you and you him.

Now, about the calling at the last minute to go to a club - I am totally on the same page as you. I want someone who calls in advance to take me out and who looks forward to that. I don't usually like the clubbing scene either - although have enjoyed that on occasion with friends. And it is okay if you are in the mood to go then it can be fun. But to me his behavior was not like he is putting you first and really wants a date.

It is GREAT that you are keeping such an open mind to the whole dating process and having fun and putting YOURSELF first. And I love your updated and creative songs.

The right one will come along for you soon. I think the key is that we just have to keep getting out there. I have had a busy great week and have bumped into some single guys who are flirting - one is a runner I haven't seen in a while and ran into him at Starbucks and talked. Yesterday was in the bike store - I had the fortune of going there after having my hair done and there was a cute guy I saw at a race who was having his bike fixed. Not sure if they are single but the attention is fun and I am doing much better at getting out. That is all we can do!!

I have a friend who met this guy a year ago and they really clicked - he likes all of her strengths and she and he are a lot alike and want the same things. He graduated from school and has been busy in a new job. But he just called her and wants to take her out tonight. He has been calling and texting her all week and is looking foward to seeing her. AND at the same time she has gone on a few dates with one of her teachers - but he is wishy washy - he has only taken her on 3 dates in the past 4 months. But you never know - so I told her to go on as many dates as she can until one of them shows he is really serious and she really starts to have a preference for the right one.

We women have a biological clock so to speak and we want commitment. It is not easy to find a guy who wants to settle down and who wants a committed relationship and who is into us and we are into them. So you do have to get out there and date. Don't feel bad and don't lower your standards.

Hope this helps!! (oh - and I am so glad you went out alone and are having fun with all of your activities and little princess!)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 11:09am

"Have faith. Not all guys are like this, I know TONS of nice, normal guys, they are just already attached. :( pout. pout."

I totally echo that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 4:30pm

Snow- I feel the same way about players. I'm not sleepign with ANYONE, dammit, so quit calling me a player already! I feel like if they seriously think I'm like that, they don't have a very high opinion of me, and I don't want to be around them, anyways, so buh-bye.

And of course, I immediately assumed something better (or maybe a sure bet in the bedroom) came along for A. Whatever, I don't particularly care, and my feelings certainly weren't hurt. I'm just irked that someone dared to cancel on me, LOL

I'd love to find a nice, normal, available guy, but until I do, I'm going to continue to date all these whiners and losers and have fun. Hey- on the bright side, it entertains me, amuses me, and gives me something fun to do- and post about!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 4:35pm

You know, I'm so glad you ran into a couple of people!

I'm also glad the guy in the bike store was after you had your hair done- for me, I always run into the hotties after I've just finished working in the garden and I realized we had no milk, and I was just gonna run to the store, and i'm all grubby since I just scrubbed my hands but didn't change or bother wth any makeup or anything... but that's my luck.

So, yeah, I had a great time today, getting ready soon to go bowling, but got a lot of flowers in (and tanning, who says I can't multi-task!) and Catie played with a girlfriend's baby who we kidnapped. Men be darned today!


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