The pieces are coming together
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| Fri, 09-02-2005 - 7:12am |
I saw W again tonight. (the 25 year old) He told me that he wanted to see me but he had his son this weekend and didn't want to get him involved too soon, which is exactly what I think about with my kids, so I was pleasantly surprised about his maturity in that. We rented a movie and ordered a pizza at his house. He has a gorgeous house. Definitely not what I was expecting. Two story, three bedrooms, open balcony overlooks the living room. Out in the country. He has pictures of his little boy all over the place. I had gotten the idea that he and his ex hadn't been together that long because he had really downplayed the relationship but tonight, I find out that they actually weren't married, but lived together for almost 4 years. (Their son is almost 3, they moved in together when they found out she was pregnant) He said the "relationship" had been over for about 2 years, but he had stayed all this time for the sake of ds, until he finally realized that he couldn't hold it together alone. She moved out about 6 weeks ago. He was talking about buying a smaller house, because it's too big for him alone, and he hates being there without his son. To top it off, a girl he dated years ago, in the last year, showed up out of the blue with a 7 y/o she said was his son. She let him get attached to the kid, but when he pressed to go to court to establish paternity, visitation, and child support, and she found out that state law required a paternity test, she took the child and disappeared. He was pretty upset about it. He still has pictures of this other boy in his living room. From what he was saying, the going out and drinking and all was not things he did much when he and his ex were together, and it's been his way of coping with the whole situation because he can't stand being in the house alone. He was really sweet, and much more thoughtful and sensitive than I expected. So I'm not sure whether these are good things or bad things, that he is not really the party boy I initially thought, but he has a lot of stuff he is dealing with right now too.
Kelly

Kelly,
I agree with Judy not to read too much into things.
He MAY be a great guy, but just take it slow and REALLY get to know him, both one-on-one and with his friends so you can see the real him. With all the turmoil going on in his life, you'll want to give him space to work through it all before you get your heart broken.
So keep chatting with him, but date other guys so you can experience more. Don't limit to just one guy so quickly before seeing what's out there.
Alison
Thanks Judy and Alison.
Both of you pretty much said what I was thinking myself. The reason I agreed to the second date was that I saw too many indicators that the going out every night lifestyle he has been leading recently wasn't what he really wanted or what he was used to. If I had gone on another date and he had turned out to be the person he had appeared at first, that would have been it, and I would have written him off on the spot. But with the facts I have found out about him so far, I will keep seeing him for now, but take things slowly because I don't think he's ready to get into anything else right now, whether he thinks so or not.
Just be careful that you don't see only what YOU want to see in him and are truly looking at HIM. Sometimes we want a relationship SO badly that we accept faults and ignore flags just to *have* someone, and usually it's because that person is the first person to come along and show interest in us. And sometimes when things go well on the first date, we feel like we *really* know that person, but we don't.
By all means, keep dating him if you want, but please date other guys. There's already been some flags up around this guy, so keep your eyes open for more.
Alison