please help with some rationality
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| Fri, 12-17-2004 - 10:09am |
OK, please help me look at this with a clear perspective. I'm so close to the situation and I'm feeling torn up. There was a chance to see Trav last night, it would have meant driving 4 hours round trip, I was tired (too tired to be driving all night really), had plans with the kids (and there is only one driver in our house right now) and it was very short notice. He SAID he would understand if I didn't come because it was such short notice, but now I don't think he meant it.
I sent him this email...
I looked for you on IM and left you some messages. I'm not going to come up there tonight. I'm exhausted, would have a very hard time staying awake on the highway and things aren't going well with Liz in particular. She did not want her plans to get dumped for me to come see you. I think she's pretty disenchanted at not having met you. Not that she makes the decisions, but I love her and we're family. You and I are a long ways from being family and I know you understand that family is important. I'm sorry and I know you're disappointed. I wish it could have worked out.
Maybe next time will work out better. I guess you won't have time off for the holidays, but maybe you'll be able to come through some.
__________________________________________________
And he replied:
Yes, I understand, family is important and like you say we're far from being a family. However, I do have family, and they have been on me to come home for the holidays, I was going to try to get back here, but after reading and thinking about what you've said, I'm going home for the holidays. I think it will do me good.
So you have a great holiday(s).
******
I feel like I'm just being manipulated. He had already said he would NOT be back for the holidays...I feel like he said that just to make me feel bad. I didn't see this man for 6 months at a stretch from Jan to July, and I didn't ditch him. I'm tired of this and I think it's the last straw. Am I overreacting?

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Very good - your mind is very strong. You are so smart to know what you want and not to settle for crumbs. If you settle you just set yourself back. We all know that much.
I think it is true you are not alone. None of us are alone. And when we look at the news in the world we see that we are far better off than most people.
I think your attachment to him is what caused you this pain. I am sorry for you for that much. Those things are never easy. You can see that you are a perfect fit, but he also has to see it and step up to the plate. Unfortunately we cannot will a relationship into being - if it was that way, many women would be happier!!
You and I have big goals this year - a black belt and PhD for you and the Half IronMan St. Croix for me. It is all a process and we are sure to meet Mr. Right along the way.
I'm totally going to agree with the other poster who said not to settle. If your ideal guy is someone who lives in the same town as you that you can see on a regular basis, then why settle for someone who doesn't? I know it's hard once you have someone to be intimate with to step back and say, "hey, this isn't what I want..." and then be with no one. But if you're settling for one guy, you're focused on him and not on the right guy.
Good luck to you!
Alison
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