Write down all of the reasons you were unhappy - and save that for when he wants another chance and you question your decision - if you write them here we will all relate and validate your feelings. I know all too well how a divorce can be stressful and traumatic, both during and in the aftermath and especially with kids. And this can make you question the decision. But the fact is, the relationship went down the tubes for a good reason - and there is no way to go back. Being in a damaging unhealthy relationship is not a fair price for simply not being divorced.
You have gotten strong on your own - and better things are yet to come. Being happy alone is much better than being in a bad relationship.
You know, Rose... I think the karma is already hitting him and he knows it.
Okay, so you say he is with a successful doctor- but if I know doctors, she probably gives him very little time or attention because she is busy with work. So he is probably already feeling crappy and unhappy because he isn't getting his spotlight as the center of the world.
So what does he do? He comes back to YOU, wanting to try again. Sheesh!!!!! You know he is unhappy in his dating situation if he is asking you for another chance. But keep in mind- it's not you who will make him happy (you've already BTDT- and not going back) and it's not going to be some beautiful successful doctor who will make him happy either!!! From what you said about him (being controlling and abusive)- it wouldn't matter WHO he was with; he just won't be happy. Sounds like he probably isn't happy with himself, and he can't ever escape himself! So no matter who else he is with, HIMSELF is still there, keeping him unhappy.
Sounds like you have come a long way and that is a good thing!! You will get everything straightened out!! Talk to a lot of people and listen to your inner voice!!
But no matter what stage the relationship is for you and your ex... just don't EVER feel guilty or hold back when you life starts to soar, just because you're afraid of how HE will see it or react to it. Allow yourself to soar when it's finally your time!
Wow are you a 'cyber-pathic" mind reader?
For the past 10 years I have had to walk on eggshells concerned how he might react to any and every little situation that life presents.
Glad things are seeming to look up a bit for you! It does get better.I actually thought of you when I met my ex to pick up my son this weekend.It isnt him I want..its the thought of him and how it should have been..those things that I get caught up in. I remember how miserable I was with him and it pushes any thoughts about missing him on out of the picture! I try to remember the biblical principal in my life when I feel like that...the verse about if a father would want the best for his son and give anything to him so God would so much more. I keep hanging on to the one day idea that the absolute best has to be out there and waiting for me.Sorry to get into religios ideolog but it helps me!
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Write down all of the reasons you were unhappy - and save that for when he wants another chance and you question your decision - if you write them here we will all relate and validate your feelings. I know all too well how a divorce can be stressful and traumatic, both during and in the aftermath and especially with kids. And this can make you question the decision. But the fact is, the relationship went down the tubes for a good reason - and there is no way to go back. Being in a damaging unhealthy relationship is not a fair price for simply not being divorced.
You have gotten strong on your own - and better things are yet to come. Being happy alone is much better than being in a bad relationship.
You know, Rose... I think the karma is already hitting him and he knows it.
Okay, so you say he is with a successful doctor- but if I know doctors, she probably gives him very little time or attention because she is busy with work. So he is probably already feeling crappy and unhappy because he isn't getting his spotlight as the center of the world.
So what does he do? He comes back to YOU, wanting to try again. Sheesh!!!!! You know he is unhappy in his dating situation if he is asking you for another chance. But keep in mind- it's not you who will make him happy (you've already BTDT- and not going back) and it's not going to be some beautiful successful doctor who will make him happy either!!! From what you said about him (being controlling and abusive)- it wouldn't matter WHO he was with; he just won't be happy. Sounds like he probably isn't happy with himself, and he can't ever escape himself! So no matter who else he is with, HIMSELF is still there, keeping him unhappy.
I think his karma is already hitting him.
~shrimpy
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
Thanks Shrimpy - I needed to hear this today.
Thanks West - That is a good idea...I know it has worked for me in the past.
"I do not want to see the father of my children
~shrimpy
"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.
~<
I am
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
Thanks cl-west, You are SO right - I have come a VERY long way.
mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16
But no matter what stage the relationship is for you and your ex... just don't EVER feel guilty or hold back when you life starts to soar, just because you're afraid of how HE will see it or react to it. Allow yourself to soar when it's finally your time!
Wow are you a 'cyber-pathic" mind reader?
For the past 10 years I have had to walk on eggshells concerned how he might react to any and every little situation that life presents.
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