Pretty decent Taz/visit update -

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Pretty decent Taz/visit update -
25
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 9:54pm

So far, he hasnt done anything in front of Averey that has caused any strife.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 10:21pm

"Yeah, Sorry I MARRIED you, lol. (i didnt sent that, but boy i wanted to)"

You do have such a good sense of humor.

It sounds to me like you have many steps along the way to who knows where - and this is just one step/one day. But you are doing the very best that you can - and it is very good that you are doing something! The counseling makes all the difference for sure - so much better than nothing. Not perfect - but workable.

I really like that you pointed out that the schedule may have to change according to the activities she has. And I like that you didn't go to the boat. And I like that you brought it up that he has to take her when it is his day and not cancel. All good stuff. The doc seems supportive and really able to handle his outbursts. I wonder if Taz is actually learning a bit?

It is clear that someone who is not mentally stable is a very different animal to handle than simply someone's exspouse who bickers over trivial matters. Mental illness is such a sad thing because the person who has it doesn't realize they do and they are unable to really monitor it or stay on meds or know what to do. I just read a good article about the crisis this country is having with it - I believe it was in Newsweek. All sad stuff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 11:54pm
Sorry to hear about the psych appt outbursts.....it is good how you are continuously sticking up for yourself no matter what craziness he doles out. I dont know how you do that and stay sane but you are truly doing the right thing and I am sure the psych sees that as well.
I was reading this over here and thinking that it is good that he is at least transferring his craziness to you and the doc over issues he has with you ( though unwarranted of course) and the divorce and keeping himself in check finally in front of Ave. I hope that keeps up - but for now, as small as it is, it seems like progress since it looked like the rage was leaking a bit all over before and definitely spilling out on her. Baby steps for now I think.
If he can just reserve his loony behavior for the psych visits, Ave will be better off and he is directing his vents to a place where they can be dealt with appropriately I think, right?
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 12:45am

I'm glad that he apologized for swearing.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-1998
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 7:38am
I had to laugh at your last line! :o) I don't know how you keep a sense of humour with such aggression being thrown at you.
I hope he really does realise that as dd gets older he will have to be flexible with arrangements. With Libby's huge soccer commitments we (dh & I) often have to alter plans to fit in with her schedule. Good luck!

 



Tracy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 8:26am

Right. This is definatly baby-steps, & I live by the mantra in this situation that we are looking for "progress, not perfection". B/c there is no way (well, 1st off, NONE of us are perfect parents), but there is no way HE will ever be a stellar parent. But if he can get to the point where he holds in his anger in front of Averey, then I will be happy.


The doc is TOTALLY supportive of pretty much everything on my side (b/c its AVEREYS side). There are times I look at the docs face & I can SEE him thinking "OMG, this guy is SO off".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 8:28am

Yes, its SO good to have someone there to back me while I stick up for myself, & for Avereys needs. Thast why Taz got so furious that I brought up the issue of his changing visits, then - & not to him alone - b/c he now had 2 of us telling him his responsibilities & whats right

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 8:29am

He always WAS one to apologize after ... typical abuser. But yes, at least he acknowledges he was wrong.


I too think that once the routine is set better in his mind, & now w/ the doc insisting that PART of being a parent is being responsible & consistent, & now he wont BE let off the hook at his whim, things should get better & better (crossing fingers).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 10:23am

Don't you just love how they can make mountains out of vapor. Sorry you had to go through that. Sounds like you are handling things very well.


I had some similar things happen this weekend. X sent me 7 emails, 4 of which are so full of hate and venom and imaginary accusations that all I could do was shake my head and laugh. The others were demands that I make the kids participate in activities that might have been appropriate when they were 6 but are certainly not on their agenda as teenagers. Then she got all angry and indignant they I did not respond to her hate.


Anyway, good luck to you and Ave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 10:26am

It was good that I brought it up in front of the doc, that Ave wants to play water polo & i think it will be Tues/thurs, when he is supposed to haev her. I put it as "She woudl like to play this sport, but if it falls on your days- would you be willing to switch the days so she coudl do it? Or should i just not sign her up?" - his 1st response was "Nope. YOU wanted to go to court, YOU wanted to follow the "rules", so Im not changing anything" (the doc then pointed out "But M, YOU have no issue changing it when YOU have someohting to do ...") & then after that, he agreed to be more flexible.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 10:29am

Yep - its always amazing.

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