The Prince and the Bully...
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 04-17-2008 - 3:40pm |
So an update on my saga...I find its cathartic to post whats going on then go back after a few weeks and see how far ive come or fallen...
On the Prince...hes wonderful really. Very attentive to me and DD. She really has taken a liking to him and i feel guilty about it. Soonee...before you start with your wisdom let me get it all out...LOL Im worried about letting her get to attached to him and for keeping him around for all the wrong reasons. Ok the reasons ready...hes stable, he works, hes committed to us both, he listens, he doesnt ask for anything in return...Yeah so whats the problem right...He is stable hes unchanging in any way at all. Hes meticulous to the point of being annoying. He made dinner for us this week and i thought well ill leave the back door open and he can get started. Well at 7pm i had t go out and give him a push to stop'prepping' and to start cooking. DD was beyond hungry and tired from her day and the tantrums were coming fast and furious. Im a stickler for a schedule and so is DD. She likes her routine. When i pointed that out to him he was ok with it but it was a repeat a few nights later. Hes committed to me to the point of being smothering and coming off as really needy...uggghhhh. he listens and doesnt say a word...not a word back. Hes so uncomfortable if CP is even mentioned (and i know its a no n o to talk about exs but when he asks whats stressing me and i say court or my lawyer or cp cancelled again he clams up and gives me this horribly painful look). He doesnt ask for anything in return...he doesnt take my word for anything either. hes the expert on everything. Even when it comes to my line of work he knows more than me. I called him on it and he said youre right i know i do that but i dont know how to change. Its so damn frustrating to have everything you say one up'd or discounted...It got so bad he put oil in the jeep and shoved the left over bottle between the headlight and the battery. I asked if that was going to cause any problems and he assured me no i know what im doing. Soooo we pack up the car to go to the zoo for the day and it wont go over 25 mph. I asked if it was the oil...noooo got to be the transmission so i got to my mechanic and am without a car for 3 days while the mechanic is ordering a new transmission for me. The mechanic calls and says ummmm who stuck the left over quart of oil over the air intake? you dont need a new transmission but you owe me $88 for a diagnostic work up. Ummmm again trying to one up me???so thats where i am. Bitter??? Im really afraid thats what it boils down to.
On the Bully...ugghhhh where to begin. So far hes 6 weeks behind in CS and i dont have an enforcement hearing until June so we will be severely behind by then. Gee maybe the court will up his rears to $10 a week from the $5 hes already paying. Hes blown off DD for 3 weeks now. Him and the whore broke up again...and there you have why hes blown off DD ...no babysitter. He cant handle a 2 year old on his own. So hes been up my a$$ for 3 days now. Literally calling every day 3,4,5 times a day with stupid questions. he said he had a bad cold this week and thats why he couldnt take DD then said he missed me and needed me. I said excuse me? He said dont you miss me? I said no not at all. I will never be your friend...you are nothing more to me than a man i had a child with. He went on to tell me the GF was to young for him and he didnt know what he was thinking and she truly loved him but he was to old for her. I said please dont fool yourself...she never loved you she was looking for a greencard and if you dont see what her intentions were from the beginning then you are dumber than i ever thought. He also told me she was a nice person and always very good to DD. I said im sure she was nice...ive known whores in my life that were 'nice' doesnt change the fact that they were whores...LOL my mom said ohhh thats beneath you dont say those things...i said no not really mom and it felt damn good to boot. He

Pages
(((HUGS)))
April
Wow!
It sounds like you just need a man reprieve. From Prince's know-it-all attitude to CP's insanity I can imagine how you must be totally up to here in testosterone hell. Take a breather and step away- maybe for a couple days or so- no dates and NO calls accepted from CP!
Maybe Prince should converse with CP for a while. Prince could tell CP all about how he knows how to behave like a man and CP could b!tch and whine to no end. That could entertain
Some observations and my perspective:
That is a good perspective, Mark,
Sounds like he is not quite right. My opinion, mom_little_star, is that the whole thing just went to the point of trying too hard instead of seeing if it falls into place?
I think if I was you I would try to get stuff straightened out to where there is no drama on your side because of the ex - just keep on setting boundaries and do not speak to him when he is abusive and do not do things that put you out - get that settled. And then maybe more dating?
My guess would be that he is a friend from the past with good memories and he seemed to really dig you and give you great attention - but there are things that appear broken and it is getting on your nerves? And you cannot fix them - you have to wait and see if he fixes them or can fix them - see how it goes over time.
How is your mom doing?
Do you think it is an ego thing? He feels he has to know things and be right? I hope not. The fragile ego thing can really suck in a relationship.
I know you are right...its my fear really..am i trying to make myself want him for his good qualities that CP was lacking. I know in my heart that if i stayed with him i would never need for anything, would never be cheated on but i would sacrifice everything else that we need in life to make us happy. I think i was just craving compassion and empathy so much that i turned to a place where i knew there would be love..but its really the wrong kind of love isnt it...
Thanks Mark
:0( M
You are right as well about fixing the things that are broken...and that goes for me to. Im broken and have been puching myself into thinking im not anymore. I kept putting a time limit on myself that i wouldnt be broken hearted anymore after 4 mos then 6 mos and so on but it hasnt changed really. Im better but not "fixed" So i think ill take myself out of the dating game for a long time to come and just focus on me.
Thank you so much for asking..mom is better. Not 100% and not taking any advice from me so its frustrating. I got her a couple names of some good drs in our area from a friend who is a surgical cardiac nurse and i trust him to no end but shes just says she likes her drs and blah blah blah. Shes changed her eating habits about 10% so i cant do much more than voice my concerns. Shes 58 and isnt going to change for anyone but herself..its really selfish on her part because shes not the only one that suffers.
Thanks again.
M
and honestly wanted one on one with DD. I miss having her undivided attention as crazy as that sounds...
I can understand! I have felt that way too, especially after getting sucked into the outside world and my guys issues too long and losing myself. I start to really miss my time with DD. It feels so good and so "centered" to put the rest of the world on hold and to just focus on the DD, doesn't it? (at least until they throw a tantrum because you turned off Nickelodeon..lol!)
I think the few week break will be good from your Prince. Sometimes the absence really helps to clear the mind. I hope that you can have stress free, and CP free time. Take the time to make yourself and DD some nice dinners, take nice walks and center again. Maybe take the time to evaluate his OC behavior- is that something you want to deal with in the long run, etc. I know to some the whole OC meticulous thing might sound minor but I've dealt with those types and it can be challenging and abit frustrating!
Thanks Pac...how are things on your end? Hoping a little better and clearer skies ahead...
Things are fine- I'm in the "taking things one day at a time" camp with many others here. Blue Eyes is in my life and I have come to the conclusion of not coming to any conclusions right now..lol! What feels good right now is experiencing him in the now and leaving my expectations and future views at the door when we get together. It feels good because I can enjoy the moment without my feelings being endangered. If I was thinking or stressing about long term then probably I would have walked away a few weeks ago. But the distance has helped me to realize that I don't have to make any commitments right now (except that I would not date anyone else right now) that is my only commitment. I'm rather enjoying him when I put my expectations away. Sounds crazy I know. Maybe I will want and need more sooner or even later, bit right now it's where I'm at and
Ok- you go from Prince being Mr wonderful to a pain in the ****- what gives?
Alison, you articulated this really well.
I think this is easy for anyone to do - to see something good that was very much out of whack with a past person - which would be the stability and stuff - and then hope very much to have that this time around.
But I really think that we have to sort of take a step back and just watch and see what happens over time and what the person does bring - and to stay more casual rather than rush to a relationship.
Of course there are those that rush and get lucky - but I believe those are far and few between. And maybe, momoflittlestar, just maybe, if you keep on doing good with getting stuff together in your life you can be more picky to see the irritations before they become so entrenched.
This one did sound nice at first - you have known him a while I think you said and he does nice things and he is stable. But the stonewalling and other relationship skills that are lacking would irritate me as well.
I bet your next one will get better. And you are working on a lot of stuff - so time will help a lot.
Pages