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| Thu, 10-02-2008 - 11:50am |
After 20 years of being married to a narcissist, whose wants and needs always came first, I don't know how to ask for what I want.
| Thu, 10-02-2008 - 11:50am |
After 20 years of being married to a narcissist, whose wants and needs always came first, I don't know how to ask for what I want.
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Start with little things.
It's kind of funny, because I am slowly learning about what I like.
I have an idea. What if you tell CK...what I want is to know what I want again. I want to discover what I love and who I am. I hope you will discover this with me.
Let him know just what you told us, that you lost yourself in your marriage and that you have lost touch with what you want because it was all about the ex. And now you feel safe to be who you are and you would like to begin to discover what it is you love. I bet he would be flattered and honored to be part of that journey.
There are some excersizes I saw somehere that are all about finding your real self and rediscovering what you love in life. I'll see if I can find that. They were helpful to me after my divirce. Because I lost myself in my marriage too. And when I rediscovered myself it felt so good..it feels pure and very real. And it also makes you very attractive to others when you own your own passions.
This is a classic problem and good for you for recognizing it and wanting to change.
Start by picking ONE thing you've thought about doing and go from there.
I can relate to the 'losing your self' thing.
Very good that you have recognized this!!! Very important to define yourself from the get go! Don't look toward someone else: your parents, your kids, your SO, your boss..etc... NONE of them can define you. Define yourself. I recommend some books.. Boundaries by Henry Cloud. this is a great book about how to define yourself. Henry Cloud and a co-author Townsend wrote several good Boundary books.. like Boundaries in Dating, Boundaries in Parenting, Boundaries in Marriage.
sometime just being able to name a problem can be a huge step to finding the solution.
God Bless,
Loonybunny
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