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| Thu, 10-02-2008 - 11:50am |
After 20 years of being married to a narcissist, whose wants and needs always came first, I don't know how to ask for what I want.
| Thu, 10-02-2008 - 11:50am |
After 20 years of being married to a narcissist, whose wants and needs always came first, I don't know how to ask for what I want.
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Wow. Ex H really did a number on you. I had an abusive BF that did that to me too. I had to read and do the exercises in a few self esteem books. They helped. One was called just that, Self Esteem. Then I read Self Matters and Total Self Confidence. I recommend the last most. It had different and interesting concepts.
Laurie
OMG, I had the same situation. I was married to a narcissist for 18 years. The only gifts I ever got are things HE thought I should have, NEVER what I wanted. So when people ask my opinion, or what I want, I stare at them blankly.
I guess start small, since, if you are like me, you are afraid to ask for too much because you think, "why bother at all, he isn't listening anyway...". Then be happily surprised when it works out.
I don't think you can go for a 100% change in attitude yet, even though you might want it. You are treading on new ground here, so, if you are like me, you don't know the difference between asking for what you want/need and being selfish. When people tell me to be "selfish", I honestly have no idea what they are talking about.
But do try!
My ex got me a leather coat also.
Getting RID of the stuff that is NOT you is a good start! Good job on that. That way you can begin your discovering of your own likes with a clean slate.
LOL about the loony tunes jacket. WTH was he thinking? If he liked it so much HE should have worn it!
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