Problem...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Problem...
16
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 11:50am

After 20 years of being married to a narcissist, whose wants and needs always came first, I don't know how to ask for what I want.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: sweetkymom
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 10:46pm
Mark- if every girl had a dad like you, the world would be a better, healthier place!
Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Photobucket Rebecca, Mom to Averey Elise, age 8, my big 3rd grader!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
In reply to: sweetkymom
Fri, 10-03-2008 - 7:13am

Wow. Ex H really did a number on you. I had an abusive BF that did that to me too. I had to read and do the exercises in a few self esteem books. They helped. One was called just that, Self Esteem. Then I read Self Matters and Total Self Confidence. I recommend the last most. It had different and interesting concepts.

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
In reply to: sweetkymom
Fri, 10-03-2008 - 8:01am

OMG, I had the same situation. I was married to a narcissist for 18 years. The only gifts I ever got are things HE thought I should have, NEVER what I wanted. So when people ask my opinion, or what I want, I stare at them blankly.

I guess start small, since, if you are like me, you are afraid to ask for too much because you think, "why bother at all, he isn't listening anyway...". Then be happily surprised when it works out.

I don't think you can go for a 100% change in attitude yet, even though you might want it. You are treading on new ground here, so, if you are like me, you don't know the difference between asking for what you want/need and being selfish. When people tell me to be "selfish", I honestly have no idea what they are talking about.

But do try!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
In reply to: sweetkymom
Fri, 10-03-2008 - 8:05am
Your dishwasher story reminds me of a gift my ex once gave me. He only gave me things he thought I should have, too. He gave me the ugliest leather coat...in a style I would never wear, he gave it to me at a time when we had no business buying me something that expensive, but he thought it made HIM look good and cool. As soon as he moved out, I got rid of it because it always reminded me that he wanted to make me over into some kind of woman that he normally would never have been able to get.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
In reply to: sweetkymom
Fri, 10-03-2008 - 10:34am

My ex got me a leather coat also.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
In reply to: sweetkymom
Fri, 10-03-2008 - 12:50pm

Getting RID of the stuff that is NOT you is a good start! Good job on that. That way you can begin your discovering of your own likes with a clean slate.


LOL about the loony tunes jacket. WTH was he thinking? If he liked it so much HE should have worn it!

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs

Pages