Proud of me: 2 steps forward 1 step back

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Proud of me: 2 steps forward 1 step back
7
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 10:42am

Ok, so the latest and greatest addition to dating! GEESH!! We were doing so well. Take little steps forward, but now we took a step back. Possibly indefinitely....

Mr. History did a HUGE HUGE no-no in my book yesterday. And it's so SAD, because things were just going along SO well, but you know what? He shot himself in the foot and I'm just sitting back and laughing about it all.

Let me explain why....

We talked yesterday and he said he had the Juvi teenagers until 5pm, but do we want to get together at 7?

I said, sure, but let me find out after I'm done with work what will be the best time.

He says "ok". After work, he writes me a text and asks what I'm doing.

I tell him I'm headed home to drop off one of the last kittens to my best friend and if we were still on to meet.

He wrote: OF COURSE! If you do?

I wrote: Cool. Sounds good. 7:30? Where?

He writes: I am dropping so and so off and then I have to go to Ms. Elliot’s house to see her baby (I'm thinking: who the hell is Ms. Elliot?). I will call you when I'm done, is that ok?

I wrote back: Sure, but please let me know AHEAD of time if plans change and you can't meet up with me (I bolded AHEAD, so that I can make other plans if need be.

He wrote: Ok, no problem, are you upset?

I said: No, silly. Why should I? Just let me know if plans change.

Last text was: 6:30

I go to my girlfriends and bring over the cat and have a glass of wine. Wait for his call, have some more wine, some more, and more and by the time I leave her place, I am not only pretty darn drunk but, it's 8:45pm at night and I heard NOTHING.

Here is the scenario: I didn't eat, because I waited on him thinking we would grab dinner or something later. So empty stomach, 4 glasses of wine later and I am SEETHING now. I mean, I am FURIOUS! I was so ticked off that I was vividly imagining that I wanted to start punching the heck out of my daughters large teddy bear. LOL

Ok, so it's 9pm and I sent him a text. That stated: This is what I meant about letting me know. It's a common courtesy. I'll see you Saturday.

I hear nothing, go to bed and at 10:15pm I get a text message from him:
I am sorry, I got held up. u r right. please forgive me.

OMG! If you can make it worse, THAT was the way to do it. I REFUSED to respond and was lying in my bed trying to have vivid images of strangling him.

An hour later. I am trying to sleep but I can't. Suddenly the second text comes in:
Well u r either sleeping or you hate me. Hope to talk to you tomorrow. sweet dreams.

I finally wrote him back: It's C.) I have nothing to say. It didn't deserve a response. Your text apology is not an apology.

So then he calls me. And I just lit into him, because he was trying to tell me that he didn't realize we had something planned. He was just trying to weasel out of it which riled me SO MUCH more. I got completely unglued and read him the rights. By the time I was done, not only did he admit that I was completely right, but that I had every right to be extremely ticked off. I told him how it was going to be from now on. Let him know that I don't do communcation through texting or email. I hate it and it just more than often causes drama that should not be drama. I told him a few more things that TICK me off. Like wasting MY time. That I don't care what he does with HIS time, but when you put MY time into the equation, we have an issue. I just completely let him have it and then I said "DO YOU UNDERSTAND? HAVE I MADE MYSELF CRYSTAL CLEAR?"
He said, yes. Then I said, Good. I am going to bed now and I will see you Saturday.

He asked if he could see me for Lunch tomorrow. I said NO, I have plans and it's a busy day. I will see you Saturday.
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This morning he wrote me a note again apologizing and brings up this weekend trip to Charleston that we planned before girls come back.

I wrote this:
Hey J

No worries, you already apologized. I said what I said, you took it on board and now it is water under the bridge for me. Didn't even cross my mind this morning anymore.

However, I did want to bring up Charleston with you tomorrow during our hike. But since you are bringing it up now, I think, after much thought and not because of last night, but because it made me realize we still do not know one another so well that maybe we should hold off before we do an overnight in Charleston. We just do not know one another well enough. I guess, I need a little bit longer to know where this is maybe going to go between us, before I take such a huge step in becoming sexually intimate. Hope that makes sense and that we can plan something else.

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OUCH and I haven't heard a response back yet. Dude, you blew it. You committed one of my most cardinal sins, you screwed with MY time.

Soooo, it will be interesting what happens from here on out. But I can tell you, it put a major damper on my image of Mr. Wonderful. He disrespected me. You disrespect me, you get privileges taken away. I WILL treat you like a child. He's grounded. Not sure how long, but I am keeping a close watch and I know he knows it now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 11:11am

That would totally annoy me too. I hate when anyone does that, a friend, a date, whatever. If we have plans, you better keep them or call me soon enough so I can make other plans. That is so rude. I don't know if I would have spoken to him last night since he didn't have the courtesy to call and let you know that he was running late.

I have to say that I have experienced this a lot this time around with dating. Men making plans and then not following through. I absolutely hate it. As a matter of fact, some of my friends do it too. I understand the tentative plans, "maybe we can do something on Friday, I'll let you know how I feel" falling through "I had a long day, maybe another time". but when you say I will see you around 7:00 and it is after 8:00 and no word. That is all it would take for me. I hate tardiness too so I have a huge problem with that.

Certainly keep it in perspective but I would be dating others to say the least. A very thoughtless thing to do.

Priscilla

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:57pm

God, my HOT BUTTON too! I am VERY explicit on when/where on plans and IF there are any changes then I let them know and request the same.

All my friends are good about this and that is why they are my friends.

I see this as an integrity thing, i.e. do what you say.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:20pm

I see this as an integrity thing, i.e. do what you say.


Absolutely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:23pm

Yes, when it gets to wasting MY time, I tend to get ticked too. If he knew he was going to be held up then he should have sent a text, excused himself for a few minutes to call you or something! That's what I don't understand when this happens...whatever happened to common courtesy?

Jennifer

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:28pm
Disregarding my time and THEN trying to weasel out of it, definitely puts him in a bad light. Not to mention, since I told him about putting Charleston on hold, he made himself scarce. He hasnt responded, but I know he got the message. That's fine. I told him to let me know if we are still on tomorrow by the end of my office day today, because I will plan something else otherwise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 7:15pm

I am absolutely AMAZED right now!!!!

how outstanding are you? Seriously!!! I am impressed that you voiced your annoyance! Set plans should only be broken verbally. None of this, "I was tied up" Put the shoe on the other foot, buckaroo! Sheesh. People amaze me sometimes.
I am proud of the fact that you stood your ground and showed him that this wouldn't be tolerated.

I am sure I can learn A LOT from you.

Like instead of waiting for this confirming phone call to get together with the Moving Guy, I shall call it a night and hang out with the kiddos instead.

And when (if) he calls, I shall follow in your footsteps!
You've inspired me!!!

thanks so much, and I wish you the best!!!

-Shan

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 7:29pm
Personally I'd put an end to any tentative "plans". My philosophy is if you don't have a time you don't have a date. AND I wouldn't be so eager to go on the next scheduled date. That straightens them out and fixes rude behavior or they don't come back. Either way it's one less headache.