QB's circus of a life
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| Thu, 06-05-2008 - 11:28pm |
Unbelievable. But it is PsychoBoy so what did I expect?
PB e-mailed me 2 weeks ago that he wanted to switch Wed for Thur with our kids this week. He has a meeting out of town and was to leave today, so he wanted to have them Wed, which was S17 birthday. I agreed and specified I wanted part of Wed so I too could spend S17's b-day with him. I asked for clarification of time for pick-up drop off.No follow up from PB. No surprise there.I schedule my sitter for today since S17 has an SAT prep class at the same time as my class. I normally don't have her on Thurs as it is normally PB's day.
PB just randomly shows up at my house yesterday while I was in class (I'm only gone a couple hours mid day) takes the kids, no word to me. I come home, they are just gone. I told S17 earlier that I would let him sleep in and pick him up at 9am Thurs, the usual pick up on nonschool days is 8am.
So this morning I go over there and xMIL is surprised to see me. PB told her he is leaving early tomorrow and I'd be coming for the kids @ 8pm.Uh, no. Never discussed that with me. She rolls her eyes, knows it is typical of her son and gets my kids ready to go. So around noon PB starts calling my house. I let the machine pick up. He finally, after 4 tries leaves a nasty message about how I agreed the kids would stay til the evening and he is going to take it to arbitration. I sent him a copy of his e-mail:
I am leaving for a meeting on Thursday June 5th
and will not be able to see (D4) that evening (and will not see her again
until father's day (6-15). Would you mind if I saw her wed. 6-4 when I'm
with (S16) and had them both return Thursday 6-5?
I pointed out that I was following the normal schedule, just with the days switched as HE had asked for. I also reminded him that was his ONLY communication regarding this switch. I was being nice, accommodating his schedule, and now I'm getting nasty messages as thanks. I had no intention of giving up more time.
So I go to class, I remind S17 to go to his class and to not answer the phone unless he wants to deal with his dad who he knows is in a mood. He asks why it has to be so complicated and difficult. I show him the above referenced e-mail. Ask how he interprets it. "Exactly like you did, Dad is just pulling his usual changing his mind at the last minute deals." I let the sitter know what is up and suggest she park in the garage so PB doesn't know she's here. PB shows up at 4:45pm (the usual pick up for D4 is 5pm) just as S17 is trying to leave for his class. D4 hears his voice and runs out the door. The sitter goes out and he is uber nasty to her. She doesn't know what to do as it is not his time as far as she knows. S17 just wants to get to class so he gets his dad to leave with him. Sitter calls me, I'm in class and my phone is off. Sitter calls my S19 and asks what she should do? He tells her to call the cops. She does. On a gut feeling something is up, I check in at break. Sitter is in tears, tells me what happened, cops are on their way. I have to tell my instructor I have to leave because my X has run off with my kids and the cops are at my house.
I get home, neighbors are in their driveways staring, sheriff vehicle blocking the drive to my garage, I go to the front drive (yes there are 2), my sitter is sitting on the step in tears, very nice female deputy talking to her. I apologize profusely to my sitter and the deputy. I explain the situation to the deputy, get the copy of the e-mail. She asks my X's name, phone and if there is any history of physical abuse. Not towards the kids, just me. She calls it in again, talks to a deputy who is at my X's house. The kids are there, the deputy verifies. He is going by the decree. And both recommend I NEVER veer from the decree again as my X can't be trusted and that is the only thing that is enforceable. I state I want a report written, because when I stick with that my X will try to go to the court and say I'm inflexible and unreasonable.
My poor sitter is shaking. She says " He is evil, possessed. There was no reason for him to be that nasty towards me. And poor S17, he was just desperately trying to diffuse the situation" She commented on how level headed and mature my S19 had been on the phone and that I should thank him for her. After she left I called S19, knowing he'll be upset and he's most likely gotten in contact with S17. S17 is NOT at his dad's thankfully he is at his class. So dad lied to the cop on the kid's wherabouts and the cop just took it as truth. Great. But I am relieved S17 IS at his class and NOT at his dad's. I thanked my S19 for being patient with the sitter and apologized for her getting him involved. He laughed and said, "That's why I live in UT. I can't live with all that drama, Mom."
So S17 calls me on break from his class, asks me to pick him up as he does NOT want to end up at his father's after all this. I told him I would certainly show up but if your dad is there you know what will happen. So he decides he'll call me if his dad does not show up.
Once again, no good deed goes unpunished. It isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened, but it is the last. The Queen will stick to the decree, period. No more nice Queen, off with his head.
QB, thanks for the forum to vent

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Was PB always this way?
He's had anger control issues since birth. I just thought he'd outgrow it, just immaturity since we met so young. Unfortunately, he got worse over time. I thought it was the stress of med school, then the stress of internship, then residency, then starting his career, maybe the alcohol use, then I realized this is his core personality. I believed counseling would help, I went alone at first and that just made things worse for PB because he could see I now wouldn't put up with it anymore, I stopped walking on eggshells around him, I spent more time with my own friends, I took the kids on a family vacation without him when he tried to prevent us from going by refusing to go with us. The reason I stuck it out for 30 years was that whole carrot on a stick thing. He kept giving me just enough to keep me going. Flowers, a nice dinner, a great trip, he'd never actually apologize but he'd put on the charm big time after any really bad episode. We had these great kids, were money making machines, a great sex life, and for whatever reason I loved the guy down to my DNA. It was the betrayal with OW that shocked me into reality, how hard things were for my S19, how PB initially reacted to my pregnancy with D4 (wanted me to abort her), that this situation was totally toxic and would probably kill me. We did go to joint counseling and that was a real eye opener. The counselors, when witnessing PB's obvious narcissism and callousness did tell me that sometimes divorce was better for all concerned. They helped me understand I can't think about PB from my own rational reality, I have to think about it from his totally self absorbed reality. It is the only way to not be driven crazy. I spent a plenty of time in counseling all through the divorce process learning to set boundaries, to detach from PB, to forgive myself for letting it go on for so long.
M knows I go into some kind of post traumatic stress freakout if he so much as raises his voice at me. He's made an effort to never do that again. He can't put himself into his own wacky X's reality, no way he can understand PB. He truly loves me and he will try to make my life as stressfree as he can. M is not a perfect person, but he makes sure I know he loves me by his actions. He is at a loss on how to help me with this crazy guy throwing sporadic moments of chaos into my life.
Well life goes on, off to visit D4's new school.
QB
Yes, I can understand- when we're young we don't really know any better and we think maturity will change things...
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