QOTW- Dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
QOTW- Dating
9
Thu, 07-10-2008 - 8:31pm

Coolcat's post to Rebecca here got me thinking:

"Funny story - in her little mind (she's 7) she thought if I dated someone that meant I would automatically marry them, which I had to explain to her was not the case. "

How do you explain dating to your kids? What have you told them, what have they asked?

My son linked dating to marriage and kissing as having sex. Sorted THAT out pretty darn quick!




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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_alison
Thu, 07-10-2008 - 9:12pm

Well, I have told him you need to date people and get to know them to see if you would like them and if you would one day want to marry when you are ready.

But truth be told - he is already dating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, he is one of like 4 or 5 boys in his class who have girlfriends. They text and call and sit together in class - but do not go out on dates or hang out together. I think it is more of a social status thing at school. And I also think she likes him more than he likes her. She is the smartest girl in the class - so I said - PHEW - he has good taste!! LOL!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
In reply to: cl_alison
Thu, 07-10-2008 - 9:42pm

My son (14) had a girlfriend last year or so... i agree, it was probably a status thing... he didn't talk much about it... and other than "hows that going" i didn't ask... didn't want to be all up in his grill. (ha ha, i'm probably not using that right....lol)


As for dd15, i was thinking she would probably benefit from having a talk about boys and dating etc... but it's hard to find time alone.... but i've been thinking that the next time her and i are alone, i'll just try to give her some good advice and let her know that she can ask me questions... i'll let you know how that goes....


dd (4) cracks me up because she'll say "boys don't want to see girls naked"...LOL i'm thinking. "oh yes they do....." ...but she's just refering of course to her brothers but it still makes me laugh. My mom is real silly about the girls changing their clothes out in the open...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
In reply to: cl_alison
Fri, 07-11-2008 - 10:50am

My kids know that I've gone out with guys. They will sometimes ask what he looks like but for the most part I don't tell them very much about the guys.

My DD11 has asked me if I've kissed (passionately) guys like they do in the movies. I don't really know what to say, especially once she starts asking more personal questions. I try to change the subject, which probably isn't the best thing to do.

My younger kids DS7 and DD5, will tease me and say, "You have a boyfriend!" when I go out on a date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: cl_alison
Fri, 07-11-2008 - 11:28am

My kids have an interesting and simple viewpoint so far, thankfully. I know MonkeyButt is 10.5 yrs old, but he still thinks like he's about 6... so I haven't had to deal with any of the more serious questions so far. I'm sure it will be MonkeyBunny who will be asking them when he gets curious enough.


Anyway, if they see Hiker and I hold hands or sit together, they will do that teasing that boys do: "ewww he's your BOYFRIEND" and comments like that. And if they happen to catch us giving each other a good-night peck (we don't do any passionate kissing when the kids are around) when he's leaving- they will say the "ewww, now you have to be married!!!" because we kissed. LOL


They really don't understand the realities of dating yet. But they like Hiker and know that we go out.

~shrimpy


It's never too late to live happily ever after, and always be grateful for those who make our souls blossom.

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: cl_alison
Fri, 07-11-2008 - 11:55am
Until recently dd thought that dating meant you were going to get married. I told her a couple months ago that dating these days is getting to know someone and seeing how much you like or love them. Marriage optional, lol. She seemed to be relieved by that!
~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
In reply to: cl_alison
Fri, 07-11-2008 - 1:14pm

This was kind of a non-issue for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
In reply to: cl_alison
Fri, 07-11-2008 - 2:30pm

My daughter understands the whole dating thing BUT she doesn't seem to get that there is a difference between dating and having a boyfriend. At 13 you can have a 'boyfriend' even though you are not 'dating' so the concept of dating

April

Avatar for eponine365
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: cl_alison
Fri, 07-11-2008 - 4:19pm

Well, my girls knew that I went on dates, and they fully understood what dates were from their dad going on a bazillion of them and doing babysitting shares and sleepovers! Ugg.. drove me nuts, I hated it.


Anyway, after being dumped by my heartbreaker (he was the first man I introduced to the girls) the girls asked questions like when are we going out with him again, when can we go to his pool again.. things like that. I felt like I had to explain a little more to them.


So, since my children believe in the whole fairy tale (ya know, you find someone, fall in love, and get married all in less than two hours? lol) I told them that Mommy is going to have to kiss a lot of frogs before I find my prince. Sometimes I'll find out their a frog early on, but sometimes I might have to introduce them to get to know the dates so they can be my partner in crime to help me figure out if he's a frog or a prince.


I guess I'm trying to play on where their minds are. The fantasy, the fairy tale, and making it a partnership game type thing for the three of us when they get to meet someone.

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
In reply to: cl_alison
Fri, 07-11-2008 - 5:00pm
Being teenagers, both of my girls understand dating.