QOTW: dating advice for your kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
QOTW: dating advice for your kids
9
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 10:16am

Okay - since we have all had a lot of dating and relationship experience, I thought I would throw out a couple fun questions.

---What is the one piece of advice you would give your kids when it is time for them to start dating?

---What, if any, is the advice your father and mother gave you?

I told my son that the most important thing is that he picks a girl who is dependable and will take good care of him and my grandkids!! LOL!!

My mom told me it is important to remain a virgin until you are married. And my dad said make sure he really loves you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 11:05am

Okay - I'll play

I think the most important thing is to let my kids know there are a lot of people in the world and they will meet plenty of them. Dating is about getting to know different things about different people and finding out about yourself while doing it. Don't settle for someone that isn't everything you want but don't make unrealistic expectations of people. I also think I will stress that, in my opinion, most people are not fully ready for a lifetime commitment until they are about 30. I don't want them to marry young. I want them to grow as people and become who they will be before trying to build a life with someone.

I never really got any relationship advice from my mom. The only thing she ever said was "You can love a rich man just as much as a poor man". My view on life is the opposite, "you can love a poor man as much as a rich man". Most of my girlfriends have put money on the top of the list of importance in finding a R. I put love, kindness and respect at the top of mine. I would rather live in a shack and die penniless than be with someone that isn't totally in love with me and treats me well. I don't need money but I would love to have an ear and a shoulder at the end of a bad day.

JMHO
Priscilla

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Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 11:09am

Wow, what a toughie. I haven't thought that far yet since Logan is 7 BUT... lol I think the advice I would give him is to be smart about who he dates and to make sure he treats his date with respect but don't let her take advantage of him. lol

My mom wanted me not to date I think. She wanted me to stay around and do things for her. She also told me that nice girls don't have sex and that guys KNOW when girls have had sex. I've had LOTS of HOURS of therapy for this one! lol

My dad really didn't have anything to say, he respected my decisions. I found out later that when I started dating my ex husband, my dad wanted to smack him. lol He never told me this but I heard it from family after we separated. Man I wish I had of let him now! lol

Jennifer

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 11:32am

Once again Judy, YOU found a great thread to start....

My children will not be allowed to date ONE on ONE until they reach Summer of Junior Year and curfew will be 11pm.
My Mom let me go out one-on-one since I was 14 and never had a curfew. I just don't believe it's the right thing for my children when I think how young I started with things and NO curfew.

---What is the one piece of advice you would give your kids when it is time for them to start dating?

Be home at curfew, or I will shoot your date with my shotgun. I've been telling Alex that since she was 7. And I'm serious.

Second very serious advice: Remain true to yourself. Don't let anyone influence your beliefs. If you EVER get in trouble, feel ill, drunk, something isn't right, bad date or ANYTHING that makes you feel strange, CALL ME. Even if you lied to me about something or someone. CALL ME. Not doing so: It could mean your life and your happiness.

Now that's pretty heavy advice isn't it???

---What, if any, is the advice your father and mother gave you?

My Mom and Dad said: Don't get pregnant.

What wonderful, parental ADVICE!

I definitely know their will be MANY more things I will give my children advice on. I want to make sure my girls are VERY cared for. My family let me run wild. I mean WILD. These were two VERY VERY educated people that just never had time for me. The most selfish parents I ever met. I was a really good kid, but they just didnt' care about what I did; only about themselves. I worry about my own children every day. I want them to be happy and social, but I will protect them with my life.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 11:41am
OMG! That is too funny about your Dad.
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 11:45am
"I would rather live in a shack and die penniless than be with someone that isn't totally in love with me and treats me well. I don't need money but I would love to have an ear and a shoulder at the end of a bad day." - I can only partially agree to that. Money when having children is sooo important. So I don't want to live in a shack. I want my children to have a small but nice home. I wouldn't want to be penniless, but I would be ok if we both made enough money to get by. I don't need frills and endless adventures. I can have more fun sitting at the edge of a creek casting my rod and reel then having an expensive steak dinner with my honey. So I don't need a lot of money and if definitely doesn't need to come from my significant other BUT having an ear and a shoulder at the end of a bad day, is the ONLY way for me. I just NEED that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 12:10am

My kids are very young but this is an interesting thread so here goes

---What is the one piece of advice you would give your kids when it is time for them to start dating?

You have to be happy with yourself first before you can be happy with another person. Don't look to anyone else to validate or approve of who you are or to be responsible for your happiness.

---What, if any, is the advice your father and mother gave you?

My father gave me no advice.
My mother told me to watch how a man treats his mom. It would be a good indication of how he will treat a wife. She was wrong on that one.
When it came to the bedroom my mom (on premarital sex) said "you wouldn't buy a car you didn't test drive first" LOL! At the time it made me blush!.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 5:50am

Hm. My kids are pretty young, so I haven't actually thought hard about this one until now. I think one thing I hope they'll learn from me is to date, date, date. Learn who you are, and learn what you want. Don't ever settle, and make yourself happy. My son I hope will always treat a woman like a lady, and my daughter, I hope, will always behave like one.

My mother never really gave me dating advice when I was younger, only to follow my own dreams. Now, however, she tells me to watch a man interacting with others and to hold on to a man who is good to me and my children.

My father only ever said for me to be happy, and to get that happiness without causing others intentional pain.

Good thread!

Moody


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Registered: 03-26-2006
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 8:55pm

Great thread!

My kids are both boys, and I guess my advice is not to emulate their father (in certain aspects). My ex is a very funny, witty intelligent guy. However, his humor is always at someone else's expense. It got to the point that everything out of his mouth was sarcasm and criticism. I think a lot of times, he was trying to be funny, but when that is all you hear - not so funny.
I catch my oldest doing this now -calling his brother "chubby" and yesterday they showed a commercial for a show on E! hosted by Monique to be a modeling show for big boned girls. I am all of a size 8, and my oldest son said I should try out for that show.
He is the sweetest kid in the world, and does not have a mean streak - He thinks he is being funny.
I want to teach my boys not to be wimpy, but to realize women need to be appreciated and do not exist just to do laundry, etc. They need to learn the value of a compliment.

My parents didn't really give me advice. The bad advice my dad gave me was "it is easier to fall in love with a rich man than a poor man." When I left my husband, we had a 3500 sq foot McMansion, a boat, a pool etc. I have never been so unhappy in my life. I would have traded it all (and did) for one kind word.

He still has it all and I could care less.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 12:17am

I hope I can convey to my kids (10, 13) how important it is to keep their heads about them.