QOTW: Describe French Kissing

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
QOTW: Describe French Kissing
2
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 2:00am

My DS (13) asked me a ton of questions about teen dating this evening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 10:07am

OMG. That question from my DS would throw me on my head. Please let me know what you decide on this one. The funny thing is that I was at a family event this weekend and talking to my sister's sisterinlaw and telling her I wanted to start talking to my DS about all this stuff since he is in middle school and I want to start talking about the nuts and bolts of dating and finding a good partner and a healthy relationship and safe sex and all of that. I want to tell him all of that before he gets the teenager attitude and doesn't want to hear my opinion. Because I really feel that a kid will make decisions on his love and sexuality totally on his or her own and will not consider the parent in that matter.

Anyway, I guess what I would definitely want to explain is the concept of pleasure and consequences. It is sort of like the concept of being fiscally responsible. It is extremely pleasurable to buy new things. But you have to be responsible because there is the consequence of cost and you don't want huge debt because this makes the things we buy very expensive and disables the ability to save a lot and have our savings generate interest.

With regards to sexual pleasure, I think our children have to realize that there are consequences. The further you go, the further you want to go. This is okay at a point in their lives where they are ready to marry - meaning the education is in the bank and the career is going. But when they are young and have a lot to do then they need to realize that education and career come BEFORE a really serious love relationship.

There can be a lot of pleasure in holding hands and simple kissing and putting your arm around each other. But when you French kiss it really starts to stimulate both people sexually. And he has to be aware of that and not go further. You are not going to be there to stop him or discourage him. This is something he has to do as an adult. He has to know that one day when he does choose to have intercourse with someone that it should be someone he loves and in a monogamous relationship. And that he must take care that both people stay safe because there is a huge consequence of STD and pregnancy. And that it is easy to make a bad decision in the throes of passion. That he must not underestimate how powerful that can be and how hard it is to control it.

YES - Hollywood puts a big premium on sex and chemistry and Hollywood style love/infatuation. But you have to have a dose of reality and understand about infatuation/chemistry and distinguishing a good and healthy partner.

Okay - and so back to French kissing. I would explain that is where both people like each other so much that they touch tongues. And he will know when he wants to do that but he must be aware of the consequences - that it does make you want to do more!!

I hope that helps. The timing of your post, as usual, is uncanny because I want to educate my DS on dating, love, infatuation, sex and safe sex.

Avatar for jerbear18
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 11:36pm

Soonee,


This would be the time to get your DS into some serious