QOTW- do you want more children?
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QOTW- do you want more children?
| Sun, 08-20-2006 - 1:35pm |
Do you feel that desire to have more kids?
| Sun, 08-20-2006 - 1:35pm |
Do you feel that desire to have more kids?
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I totally hear ya!!
I cringe when I see those super-duper huge four-by-four type strollers with the baby bag bursting at the seams in the storage part- especially when they bring them on the bus!
Oh, I definitely want more children... but another baby? Not so sure. I always said my cut off age was 32, because then I'd have all kids out of the house (hopefully) by the time I'm 50. I was only 22 when my son was born, and the last thing I want to do is spend my ENTIRE adult life raising little ones.
A lot of my career minded friends are finally stopping to have their own babies now, because we're in our 30's. Gasp! But as excited as I am for them, I also feel like I was robbed of the opportunity to enjoy having an infant. I always had to worry about paying the bills and am I emotionally scarring the kid for life because I'm in the military, and what if he gets sick while I'm underway??? So in that in regard, I'd like to have another one and be less panicky than I was the first time around.
On the other hand, the guy I'm sort of seeing now has two boys of his own... so between the two of us, we have a 9yo and two 7yo boys. Uh, can you imagine if things worked out and say, 3-4 years down the road we're newlyweds with a newborn, a 12yo, and two 10yo's?? And then, tack on a few more years... three teenaged boys and a preschooler??? Eek! And if I choose to stay in the military, I'll need to do at least one more sea tour, 3 years from now. Not good to be preggers during THAT tour, let me tell you!
I don't miss waking up at 4 am, feeding/diapering, getting ready for work, doing all the dishes, and feeding/diapering/changing again just before leaving for the sitter, running down the pier because I'm late for work, working through lunch, running down the pier because I don't want to be late for the sitter... I do want another shot at actually enjoying being a mom.
Eh. Whatever happens, happens. I do know I'm NOT interested in having another child on my own, outside of being married, though. BTDT.
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When I was pregnant with Lucas and for the first year of his life I was either taking care of my mom full time and managing her treatments and surgeries or grieving her death. I dont remember the pregnancy as a happy time and I dont have many memories of Lucas under the age of one at all. I think I was just numb during that time. The pregnancy was an accident and although I married the father we were not well matched and he wasnt helpful in that time either. So from working through this the counselor suggested that I associated having a baby with these stressful feelings - not good ones the way most people do. I had never thought of that. She then asked me if I ever thought about the fact that with a great partner a pregnancy could be miraculous and wonderful and that watching a baby be born and seeing it develop in the first year is a tremendous thing. I dont know why but I dont think I ever mourned the fact that I never go tthe chance to feel this with my son. As much as I love him more than anyone possibly could I missed out on that time with him and I cant get it back. So to try and make an already long story short, I am now looking for clinical trials for ovarian cancer for early diagnostics and doing a regimen every three months to monitor through sonograms so that I am keeping healthy and secretly hoping that one day I will build on this family I have. I truly want to feel those things and having just recently in the last three months started dating a man who actually wants children - I guess only time will tell!
Anyhow, I hope people really do ask themselves this queston as deeply and as honestly as they possibly can. Seeking counseling for this was so important for me and my happiness....
Im visiting a sperm bank, if I must! lol
My dd is 6.5
(((Hugs hugs))) I am SO sorry about the loss of your mom. I lost mine, 2+ yrs ago, from Scleroderma. She was 60, I was 36
I hav to say it also makes a huge difference to suddenly for the first time in years be dating someone who seems to definitely want to have children one day even if it is too soon for him to know whether he would want it to be with me or not...
Sorry about the loss of your mom also. What a beautiful daughter you have!
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