QOTW- do you want more children?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
QOTW- do you want more children?
19
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 1:35pm

Do you feel that desire to have more kids?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 11:35pm

I totally hear ya!!


I cringe when I see those super-duper huge four-by-four type strollers with the baby bag bursting at the seams in the storage part- especially when they bring them on the bus!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 11:39pm
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2006
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 2:26am
I can say without a doubt, no I don't want anymore children. I have three, 10, 7 and 2. Actually the third was a surprise, albeit a happy one. It's not about worrying about the next relationship, having a kid and it not working out. I just think I've fulfilled the mom desire in me. I'm glad to be out of midnight feedings and almost out of diapers. When my youngest came along, I was very comfortable with both my older 2 in school full time, starting sports and all that fun stuff. I'm certainly young enough to think about having more, but I'm done. I want to raise and love the ones I have the best I can and be proud of that. That's enough for me.
Avatar for mandymi
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 4:15am

Oh, I definitely want more children... but another baby? Not so sure. I always said my cut off age was 32, because then I'd have all kids out of the house (hopefully) by the time I'm 50. I was only 22 when my son was born, and the last thing I want to do is spend my ENTIRE adult life raising little ones.

A lot of my career minded friends are finally stopping to have their own babies now, because we're in our 30's. Gasp! But as excited as I am for them, I also feel like I was robbed of the opportunity to enjoy having an infant. I always had to worry about paying the bills and am I emotionally scarring the kid for life because I'm in the military, and what if he gets sick while I'm underway??? So in that in regard, I'd like to have another one and be less panicky than I was the first time around.

On the other hand, the guy I'm sort of seeing now has two boys of his own... so between the two of us, we have a 9yo and two 7yo boys. Uh, can you imagine if things worked out and say, 3-4 years down the road we're newlyweds with a newborn, a 12yo, and two 10yo's?? And then, tack on a few more years... three teenaged boys and a preschooler??? Eek! And if I choose to stay in the military, I'll need to do at least one more sea tour, 3 years from now. Not good to be preggers during THAT tour, let me tell you!

I don't miss waking up at 4 am, feeding/diapering, getting ready for work, doing all the dishes, and feeding/diapering/changing again just before leaving for the sitter, running down the pier because I'm late for work, working through lunch, running down the pier because I don't want to be late for the sitter... I do want another shot at actually enjoying being a mom.

Eh. Whatever happens, happens. I do know I'm NOT interested in having another child on my own, outside of being married, though. BTDT.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 2:12pm
This is a good topic. And it has been a tough one for me for a while. After my mom died of ovarin cancer and they identified the gene in me I have been faced with many many dr.s telling me to have a full hysterectomy ( and some saying to also have a double mastectomy because the gene is for both breast and ovarian cancer) and to finish having my children NOW. One of the Dr.s that told me this was really handsome and I was single at the time so just to prove my point I tilted my head at him and asked him if he was asking me out because I thought that was pretty bold of him to talk about our kids when we had never met outside the office:) he found that funny but the point is the topic is a serious one for me. I have been in a relationship since that news and had to face the stress of that question within that relationship. This particular ex had no intention of ever having children and since I have one son already who is almost 8 ( he was 6 at the time I guess) my ex kept saying he didnt see why I didnt just have the surgery. I ended up having counsseling to see if I really was done having children knowing all the while tht I was in a long term relatioship with someone who didnt. But I just needed to be sure - this caused mucho tension in our relationship but it wasnt the thing that broke us up BTW. Anyhow, I found out something interesting and I am so glad I sought counseling.
When I was pregnant with Lucas and for the first year of his life I was either taking care of my mom full time and managing her treatments and surgeries or grieving her death. I dont remember the pregnancy as a happy time and I dont have many memories of Lucas under the age of one at all. I think I was just numb during that time. The pregnancy was an accident and although I married the father we were not well matched and he wasnt helpful in that time either. So from working through this the counselor suggested that I associated having a baby with these stressful feelings - not good ones the way most people do. I had never thought of that. She then asked me if I ever thought about the fact that with a great partner a pregnancy could be miraculous and wonderful and that watching a baby be born and seeing it develop in the first year is a tremendous thing. I dont know why but I dont think I ever mourned the fact that I never go tthe chance to feel this with my son. As much as I love him more than anyone possibly could I missed out on that time with him and I cant get it back. So to try and make an already long story short, I am now looking for clinical trials for ovarian cancer for early diagnostics and doing a regimen every three months to monitor through sonograms so that I am keeping healthy and secretly hoping that one day I will build on this family I have. I truly want to feel those things and having just recently in the last three months started dating a man who actually wants children - I guess only time will tell!
Anyhow, I hope people really do ask themselves this queston as deeply and as honestly as they possibly can. Seeking counseling for this was so important for me and my happiness....
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 4:19pm
I go back and forth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 10:08pm

Im visiting a sperm bank, if I must! lol


My dd is 6.5

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 10:14pm

(((Hugs hugs))) I am SO sorry about the loss of your mom. I lost mine, 2+ yrs ago, from Scleroderma. She was 60, I was 36

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 10:36pm
thanks for your response. The subject of this discussion definitely hit home with me because I was so conflicted for a long time on my feelings on the subject. I honestly dont think I will go the surgical route for me concerning my cancer risk since they are comign out with new diagnostics for early ovarian cancer all the time now. I just have to sign up for a clinical trialor wait a bit for it to hit dr.'s offices. Then I have to get checked 3-4 times a year rather than once. I am fully willing to do that an take care of my health as I think about preserving my fertility. I am ony 32 so I figure I have a few years left to figure this out. but thanks so much for the words of support.
I hav to say it also makes a huge difference to suddenly for the first time in years be dating someone who seems to definitely want to have children one day even if it is too soon for him to know whether he would want it to be with me or not...
Sorry about the loss of your mom also. What a beautiful daughter you have!

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