QOTW - emotional needs
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 06-26-2005 - 12:48pm |
Hello to all:
I posted this poll once a long time ago - but seeing as how their are many new faces - and even changes going on in all of us - it is time to post this poll/question again for us to discuss.
My poll is based on the work of Dr. Willard Harvey at marriagebuilders.com. I have read all of his books and find them very enlightening with regards to relationships. His basic premise is that the emotional needs of men and women can be different - and we have to know that to understand and please each other. It is also good to be aware of the emotional needs that you have so you can pick the right partner.
Here is the list of 10 emotional needs - pick your top 5 and put them in order. I hope everyone participates and enjoys this discussion!!
1) Affection - can be gifts or thoughtful deeds
2) Conversation - able to communicate through words
3) Financial support - financially stable - brings money to the table to meet basic needs
4) Good looking partner - partner takes care of self, looks, weight
5) Sex - able to share sex, intimacy together
6) Recreational Companionship - share fun activities with partner
7) Domestic support - runs a clean, quiet, calm house
8) Help with family/kids - is "into" the children and shares activities with them
9) Admiration - your spouse complents and admires you
10) Honesty - need for honesty and openness with your spouse
Here are my top 5 - in order:
1) Affection
2) Admiration
3) Recreational Companionship
4) Help with family/kids
5) Conversation
The others would be important to me - but as I have grown and found myself again, I know that I desire someone who appreciates my best points and says so, who is affectionate and fun to be with - all of the rest is gravy.
It is also interesting, if you read a lof of Dr. Harvey's work - that women are very into sex when their emotional needs are met. The two are very tied together.
Okay - I look forward to everyone's answers.

I didn't find the qualities that I look for on this list. Even when I tried to scrunch mine into his list, it really didn't work. I would probably put sex, looks and affection somewhere in the first ten, but that's about all that we share on our lists.
My emotional needs, in order are:
1) Absolute loyalty
2) Consistent courtesy and respect always manifested in gentility
3) Hospitality to all who come to our door
4) A sharp intellect and well trained mind
5) Personal strength to stand up for what she believes is right
These are needs that I found as a result of both my experience in marriage and my experiences in just talking with women when I was trying to get to know them.
I am a firm believer in the idea that the qualities of the mind and spirit have a profound effect on how physically attractive a person is to you. I was at a conference some years back when a woman stood up to talk about the point under discussion. She spoke fearlessly (even though there were large numbers of people with far more impressive credentials than she had) with love and courtesy and brought the discussion back to what was really most important. I had noticed her before she spoke (always on the lookout for single "prospects"), but as she spoke, my view of her transformed. She went from normal to stunning in her attractiveness. I did talk with her later, but her goals and mine were different and nothing came of it.
Michael
I believe Dr. Harley did say that you can develop your own list - the 10 were the most common in his experience.
Your list is very good and gives new ideas and insights. I feel that those things are important, too.
Thanks for sharing with us, Michael.