QOTW - fear

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
QOTW - fear
26
Sun, 08-07-2005 - 1:51pm

Question of the Week

We all carry fears with us, but there are fears that we have when it just comes to dating or relationships.

If you are NOT in a relationship or just casually dating, what is your biggest fear about dating?

If you are in a relationship, what is your biggest fear in regards to your relationship?

If you are married, what is your biggest fear in regards to your marriage?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 10:36pm

I have to agree my biggest fear is being alone. Although knowing i will always have my kids gives me comfort that I will never truely be alone..

I am also very concerned about disease. I was talking with some associates at work and they were discussing "casual sex". Most of them didn't have a moral issue with it as they claimed that it was for physical reasons more so than for emotional. What really scares me is to think that my children are growing up in this environment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 1:20am
Dating! I am so nervous about all of it...Who calls who..what to do.... It has been over 13 years and I just don't know what is normal, etc. It feels very strange but nice. Next weekend will be my second date with this guy I have a crush on...I haven't felt this way about anyone in a very,very long time! Wish me luck, and I could use all the advice I could get!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 7:02am

Welcome!!

It is great that you are going on a 2nd date with a crush!! Keep us posted - just go slow and enjoy each moment!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 7:06am
I agree with you on the disease and casual sex and raising our children in this environment. I think we just have to stay close to our kids and keep a good line of communication going.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 7:25pm

Good luck on your date! Keep us posted!

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2004
In reply to: cl_west1745
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 9:37pm

Good question, Judy.

Stephanie, CL of the Dating as a Single Parent board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-p

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 11:14am

Hi Steph,

Good to see you here, as always.

Just so the others on this board know, the people on the single parents and dating board refer to the convent as the DASP convent - in other words dating as a single parent convent - it means you don't really date much as a single parent so you hide there!! LOL!! I have always thought of it as cute. And I find relief that others are there, too.

Anyway, Steph, I do agree with you on "being comfortable with us" - my DS and I click so well and I don't want to give up this era of having it be just the two of us. I don't want to worry about someone being impatient with him, questioning the way I parent or causing conflict and chaos.

It is so comfortable in the convent.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: cl_west1745
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 6:09pm

My biggest fear about marriage is making a commitment before god that I will do something that I already said I would do and didn't. I don't know if that makes any sense, lol.

But basically, I've BTDT, I made a commitment to share my life with one person as husband and wife until death to us part, so help me god, blah blah blah, and I broke it. Obviously, death didn't do us part. Irreconcilable differences and alcoholism did. Getting married for all the wrong reasons did. When I got married, I truly felt from the bottom of my heart that it was forever...until death do us part. But it wasn't.

This time around I won't have that same faith, that no matter what happens I will stay bonded with a person until death do us part. I know myself now, and I know that for certain reasons, I WILL bail. And because of that, I'm having a really hard time accepting the "do-over" concept of marriage. How can you pledge to do something for life, if you KNOW that you won't if things go awry?

So my issue with "marriage", not sure if it can really be classified as a fear, is that I think more and more it's just a big fat lie. Most of us start off with the best of intentions, but half of us fail. I don't think I want to bet on those odds.

WOW that turned to be a way pessimistic downer post! LOL

Just so you know, I am in a VERY happy, committed relationship with my SO. Nothing pessimistic about that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: cl_west1745
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 8:11pm

Orange clouds,

I think this is a very realistic post. When I read what you wrote, I totally understood what you meant.

I guess we have to try to reassure ourselves that lightening doesn't usually strike twice. And that we have learned a lesson on how to choose better.

It is so sad that you had to endure an alcoholic spouse - they say the three A's of a relationship that can never work are alcoholism, abuse (physical) and addiction to drugs/porn/etc. Those three situations are dangerous and you have every right to protect yourself and your child. I would have done the same thing as you.

It is reassuring that you have found such a wonderful SO and are happy in your relationship now.

Did you see red flags with your exh? How did you figure out something was wrong?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2004
In reply to: cl_west1745
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 10:30pm

Actually, OrangeClouds, my co-worker and I were having a discussion just the other day on "'til death do us part."

Stephanie, CL of the Dating as a Single Parent board: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-p